10-line topical: Split vs. Mike Wrecka [Split WINS]

[Split]

10 Lines, exactly. AOWL House rules.


Due next Tuesday at 11:59 PM EST.
@Mike Wrecka
Topic: Silent Generation

[Split]

-- behind the bygones of music chimed on nylon acoustics,
in our Cape house in Cleary. I'd lay down inside
and timewalk cartoon digs... lay afternoons,
captive adrift. the ocean in Saugus unmoving
in framed Massachusetts. parents spent effort-
played concert music to stave off amusement.
I'd usually slouch, fire off texts on my VX-6000...
as we crested 2000s we were scions of tech,
and the loudness of countless #pounds and then SENDs
drowned out the crowds in the den. listen to my type--

[Mike Wrecka]

when I was young, we could barely contain our excitement,
but now im afraid this current generation has fallen silent,
and its quiet now, but not from genocidal violence,
its that they are all pre occupied tapping screens, with a stylus,
Egyptians used papyrus to document accomplishments,
now a live stream of consciousness has replaced common sense,
kids are all mute and deaf , how are they supposed to hear,
with music blasting through the head phones implanted in their ear,
let me make this crystal clear, stop this decomposition,
cause the world around you is in 3 D high definition

[big baby]

both very good in their own worlds. Split had the aura of someone driving a station wagon in a urban outlook down the long country interstate. It had an abrupt ending with a longing taste. Mike had the aura of kids growing up in their local neighborhood, to the conformity of technology, regular tit tattered locals. Told a story and quite definely so. Split had the visual cosplay through slick and sleek imagery and metaphors, with underline wording and scheming. Mike had the automated answering machine message monotony.

Good battle. close, in terms of things you can add to stylings, but I'm going with split for preference. I felt although mike posted way later, he sort of rushed it, or didnt put that much thought into it. Split created a scenery. Mike created a story. I think in 10 line battles you have to create as much as you can in 10 lines. Imagery overtook storytelling here. Good battle

Vote - Split

[Certain]

These verses are so weirdly interlocked that I am going to step away from my standard-format vote for a second to philosophize a bit on what a 10-line topical should be. Split and Mike Wrecka approached this topic the exact same (rather unoriginal) way, only from different (and, again, predictable for each) vantage points. And while I generally lean toward the experiential (Split) over the judgmental (Mike Wrecka), content wasn't going to be the deciding factor when the approaches were so similar. No, this battle is all about structure.

OK, maybe we'll do this the traditional way.

Mike Wrecka: You wrote a traditional verse. This had an introduction, a thesis, a proof and a conclusion, all contained to 10 lines. That's impressive over 10 lines and made this verse very good. But what you essentially did was take what you would have written over 30 lines in a normal battle and compress it. The writing was fine but no tighter or more fluid than what we expect from other Mike Wrecka verses. That's not what I'm looking for a 10-line battle, and perhaps that says something about my own expectations for this relatively untapped branch of topical battling. I would add that you didn't seem too concerned with the audience, getting a bit preachy but also delivering things we know. The explanatory nature of parts of this verse was condescending, and you could have done with a more subtle hand. That all comes back to structuring this like a longer verse, only shorter. You could have used that exposition to show off more lyrical prowess in a longer format, but here, some of that space seemed wasted. Still, the way you handled your limited space was impressive because the verse felt so complete.

Split: You, too, wrote the same verse you might have in a longer format. The difference is that your verses all have this poetic-slice feel to them. It's almost as if your verses come on ripped hardcover pages found draped over sewage grates. But that's not the whole truth, as is the case here. You do complete your thoughts, and your tight wording and subtlety are perfect fits for short verses. This verse, though, shows where you do need to adapt. In truncating but keeping things full, you made your character a bit too generic for your ideal form, not by image but by depth of character. Part of that surely comes from the concept of the character representing an entire generation. But I also think you missed a chance to humanize a bit. The slant rhymes really work for you, and though Mike Wrecka always was going to have the more traditional rap cadence (as he always would have the more traditional verse, in general), I really liked how this flowed. Along with the lack of humanization (and the emptiness that came with it), my other qualm was that I think you were trying a bit too much with the last line. But I think your structure functions much better here, and by showing rather than telling and avoiding condescension in such cramped quarters, you win.

Vote: Split

[Meth]

Idk how to vote on topicals bros

I'm just trying to vote on everything here

Both verses were cool though

For the record I enjoyed splits more

[jilti]

Mike had an ok verse
Splits verse was very enjoyable to read.
"in framed Massachusetts" was the crescendo
slick rhymes interwoven throughout
V/Split

[Split]

up &'thanks for votes, will return all feed today

[Camp Bell]

this was dope. i liked the rhyming in split's verse
not sure if his picture was painted enough for me
maybe cuz it was short. i was really digging mikes
verse due to how direct his was and its exactly wat
i thought when i saw the topic. mike did more with
less basically, dope drop from both tho.


vote: Mike

[Paradigm]

Split wins 3-0

+7 and ill add his old record pts conversion if he has any