I threw up on this chick at the gym while i had a boner today

[Ghost1]

So...i meam YO

Im sayin tho

So when i woke up today i wacked off to a short highlight reel of kirstey alley in look whos talking....then i heard the stupid chink lady down stairs yellin at her little shithead panface babies WING WONG PING PONG.....BITCH WTF OTS 7AM.....so...i decided that i wouod let her know that this was a displeasure to me. I took a broom handle and slammed it on the floor for about a minite screaming....BING BONG HOAW WAH CHING CHONG KNEE HOW MAI GOO PAI PAN SHUT UR FAUCKIN RAT BABIES TO SLEEP U FUCKING SKELETON WHORE. ....then i wacked off again thinkin about her little slanted spiky hair cooter bug while she screamed sum ancient zipperhead curse on me from when i banged on the floor. Git a shower. BROtein shake BROtein bar apple banana and bagel. I head out to the car....i notice that this fucking chinese warlock left her kids big wheel right behind my whip....soo... i started up the car then backed up over it twice...and was on my way. Right as im pulled on the st leading to my job this fucking van cuts me off an goes like 20 the whooooole way down this st for like 2min....so i held onto my horn the entire time that it took us to get to the turn for my job.....then THIS FUCKING VAN TURNS INTO MY JOB!?! .....oh great....annnd they park in the direct lot that leads to my office building....annnnd its sarah...from.....3cubicles down from me that filed a complaint with HR against me last june because i sent her an email asking her to put me into her mouth. She gets out an glares at me like i just ran a child over.... OHH HAY UHH SARAH MY HORNS BROKEN...ERR..UH ..HAHA ..WHO KNEW THAT WAS U IS THAT VAN NEW? ...kbye...fuck u cunt. Im sure HR will be contacting me thos week again. Any how....i get to my desk...start GRINDING... HELLO YES ....ABDUL? YEA.? OH UR WAT? FUCK U SAND NIGGER IM AN ADULT... TRANSFR ME TO AN ON SHORE REPRESENTATIVE....AND NO BLACKS PLEASE...HELLO? JAMAL? FUUUUUUUUUUU. this is when i knew i wouod need to hit the gym at linch today early style to deal with my racial agressions like a man. On my forst break i go down to the local bakery/deli to grab a sub....fuckin greeks own this shit....an the old ass fuckin kansitakos fuckin ghpsy greeko.bitch thinks im greek or sum shit....HERE SWEET HEART HAVA SUM OF THESE MAPLE NUT BREAD HONEY SQIARES.....NO U FUCKING GREEK WITCH...KEEP UR FUCKING WOTCHCRAFT CONFECTIONERIES TO YOURSELF...IM FUCKIN EAT THAT PASTRY AN TURN INTO A FUCKIN HEMOROID ON DAVID HASTLEHOFFS DICK TULIP!?! NAH...JUST MAKE ME MY 6IN TURKEY FOR U GET THIS SALAMI. so....i eat this wizard sub then head ti the gym.....guy at the desk learned my name after i deadlifted 350 last wekk...im fucking brawlic that little faggit gets it...HEY ANTHONY HOWS IT GOING....CANT TALK NOW BRUH....and i sneered. So im gettin dressed in the locker room....i rub sum vics vapor rub on my dick an shit....cuz i like that cool sensation when im squatting. Get thru most of my routine...LIKE A FUCKIN RHINOCEROUS. SAVAGING THE WEIGHTS....YEA OH....HEY SORRY DIDNT SEE YOU THERE...I WAS TOO BISY CRUSHING THE BENCH LIKE A FUCKING MUTANT SHARK ON CRANK. so....im gettin warmed up.....theres this SMOKIN hott bish doin sim stupid fuckin dumbbell squats right nearby where im boit to dead lift....her yoga pants are inside of her....so..im playin tbe ultra creep in the mirrors trying to memorize that booty for later on at wacky tonys puzzle basement....im still staring at her bit im lifting this pr for myself of 355 at the same time...i got to my 5th rep an slam the weoght down....i feel lightheaded as fuck....i look down an i head a full on boner...then i stumbled an puked all over this dime piece right next to me. Smh. She screamed at me for a few seconds ....OMG WTF U SPAZ EWWW WTF IS WRONG WITH U!?!??! then she started to cry.....i quickly scurroed off to the showers....then headed out the front with my head down so people couldnt make eye contact wiith me....i think this is the last straw....i heard people laighing....i dont think i can ever go back to this gym again at this point

Discuss?

[Wise Wiggles]

That's a lot of words I might be too high to read right now

obv lol@ title tho

[Just Write]

Tl; dr...

Summarise

[veritas]

at wacky tonys puzzle basement

ELAB>

[Diode]

this is you now

[PancakeBrah]

Read it.

Some niggas aint fit for the gym.

Post this on the Misc. Get those reps.

[veritas]

dead at blackcakes new ironic posturing, which is also ironic that it is ironic and he is a hipster.

[Diode]

ok i read it

i am now officially convinced you dont understand how personal records work

[Ghost1]

LMAO

[Destroyer]

obv that Greek lady poisoned ur sandwich is obv
u probably have some cretian aids attaching to your American white blood cells right now

[KwaL!ty]

#no1GAF

This fat fag nigga.



Anyone else see the resemblance? You should have been the character to play this fat fuck in superbad. You dick drawing faggot.

[StarFaggot]

Negative LOLs. I didn't read, an insult to my time.

[anime_boners]

read it.

very slow burn. the payoff at the end was very lolz but the lead up to it was sorta boring.

not your best, not your worst.

[Neighbor]

I enjoyed it

[Strikta]

Will read this later when intoxicated.

Looks to be a dope story tho.

Propers.

Lol @ tags.