I'M SOO ALCHA

[david stern razor burns]

I'm so alcha, I don't even tip my waitress, it's awesome. I'll get filthy wasted in fifty places by autumn. I'm so alcha my tipsy stage forgotten.. And right to hammered. I'm so alcha my life is glamor. And glitz. I was in the van with your bitch, with both hands on my drink. She was like “You’re so alcha, you're driving me crazy”. I said “Bitch, shut the fuck up, I'm driving, it's crazy”. I'm trying to stay in these lines but they're wavy. I'm looking at signs to guide me to safety, but if you look at me drive it's a sign that I'm faded. I'm so alcha you can find me in Vegas, lively as Blake is. Life of the party, with some tight little hotty while I'm climbing the stages right in the lobby. I fly in for April, and drink till its August. What I’m trying to say is I'm a big alcoholic. Cause I’m SO ALCHA I’m in a permanent drunk state. I’m on a murderous drug rage in my convertible Mustang holding pertinent information from the burglary upstate. I’m a person of interest last seen in a burgundy tux stained with purplish blood spats and a perfect shaped moustache. I observed the great blood bath with some vanity. Increased the murder-rate and drug stats single handedly. And I'm so alcha I always got a drink in my hand. Single handedly swigging this can, getting shittered royally like the king of Japan. I'm so alcha I'm the friggin man. I'm so alcha my fridge is packed, front to back with friggin alch. And my pad's too frigid, fuck a wack room temperature. Straight CHILLIN in my Pabst blue ribbon shirt. I'm an asshole Tinder perp when I relapse on the syzzurp; bombin on these bitches like a jihad on a sinner. Plus my screen tag is a winner, you can follow me on Twitter @rehabisforquitters. I'm SO ALCHA. Nicknamed Whisky Face, the shit I drink is painful. Every sip I take eliminates a brain cell. I been awake for days now... I'm so alcha that my liver ain't the same how I could take a piss that if you drank, you'de literally get tanked now. I'm so alcha that I broke the wagon from jumping. I could smoke a chalice for nothin, with coke in the basin. And it still wouldn't overpower my buzzin when I toke the flame in. I get totally wasted on Boeing airplains when I'm coasting to other nations. But I'm on layover in Copenhagen, sober. Coping by chewing on Copenhagen to hold me over. POST mortem. Cause ya'll killing my buzz from the most boredom. You so average it's fuckin absurd. I'm so alcha I stumble and slur. Humpin ya girl cause I'm so savage. I'm a drunk on the verge of rock bottom. At my intervention chuggin a beer while the cops watchin. Gosh darn it I'm cold dammit, and not stoppin. I'm so alcha. I'm SO ALCHA!!!!!

[gitto138]

nice flow man funny shit LOL so you like to drink, n rhyme cool me too put i don't drink, i smoke ua ha regardless this was a good read,

[Zen]

I've missed these. Will read when I'm sober.

Edit: Read it. I agree with Certain. That first paragraph was bonkers.

[Eŋg]

flow, as i read it, was insane.

thought alcha was misspelt before i read the piece. lol. most impressive was probabaly the fact you didn't seem to sacrifice wording or introduce bizarre concepts to meld your rhyme schemes together... the way it was arranged and progressed was really impressive. it was intelligible, with the right pinch of crazy. enjoyed it. thanks for the read.

[david stern razor burns]

This is new
This isn't I'm so alpha: http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=80072



@razor wayans damon blades

[Pharaohs Army]

love it. well done and also humorous.
good flow.
fancy/tricky here:

Originally Posted by david stern razor burns

...liver ain't the same how I could take a piss that if you drank,

twitter line was mad funny

[DexLabb]

O BUDDY NOW I NEED A DIP

[Bodey]

You're right. I did enjoy this. Mostly because I'm also alcha

[Exis]

Good to see you around again man...this was tight, hate the paragraph format but love how you can make me look beyond that, had some really nice content...imagery was slick, flow wise it's brilliant...should collab some time if you wants man.

tight read.

[Orc]

Really really good. Clever lines everywhere. Fucking loved it

[SupaDave]

Dope shit boss



Any1 seen strikta?

I let that wigga borrow my flip cell like 3 months ago an i aint seen him since

[El Muffin]

nasty

[Camp Bell]

Single handedly swigging this can, getting shittered royally like the king of Japan. I'm so alcha I'm the friggin man. I'm so alcha my fridge is packed, front to back with friggin alch. And my pad's too frigid, fuck a wack room temperature. Straight CHILLIN in my Pabst blue ribbon shirt. I'm an asshole Tinder perp when I relapse on the syzzurp; bombin on these bitches like a jihad on a sinner. Plus my screen tag is a winner, you can follow me on Twitter @rehabisforquitters.



smh. this was fire. nah the whole thing was all crack

but this part got me hyped

[Beyond]

Not bad. Some of it didn't rhyme for me or the syllables were off in places, so I'm guessing you keyed this up. Probably also an accent thing like when I read Neighbor drops, guessing you guys live around each other? Or have melded your styles so closely that you picked up each other's weaknesses as well as strengths? I don't know. All I know is that this was apparently posted a few weeks ago and I'm necroing it because I seen your name and my Spurs in your avy and was like, "WTF?" So then I searched you and seen this and was curious, then I started reading and was like, "Alright, this is cool."

I'm so alcha, I don't even tip my waitress, it's awesome.
I'll get filthy wasted in fifty places by autumn.
I'm so alcha my tipsy stage forgotten..
Actually, with the last rhyme here I'm guessing you just forgot the 'is' in between stage and forgotten to make the syllables match up.
And right to hammered. I'm so alcha my life is glamor. And glitz.
I was in the van with your bitch, with both hands on my drink.
See here, drink doesn't sound like bitch and glitz to me. It sounds like think, ink, pink, sink, etc. But I realize this is an accent thing and drink rhymes with those words for other people. I guess. All is forgiven. For now...
She was like “You’re so alcha, you're driving me crazy”.
I said “Bitch, shut the fuck up, I'm driving, it's crazy”.
I'm trying to stay in these lines but they're wavy.
I'm looking at signs to guide me to safety,
but if you look at me drive it's a sign that I'm faded.
I'm so alcha you can find me in Vegas, lively as Blake is.
Pretty sure you changed the very last syllable rhyme on purpose here. Blake Lively line was dope.
Life of the party, with some tight little hotty
while I'm climbing the stages right in the lobby.
I fly in for April, and drink till its August.
What I’m trying to say is I'm a big alcoholic.
Like the first line. Word.
Cause I’m SO ALCHA I’m in a permanent drunk state.
I’m on a murderous drug rage in my convertible Mustang
holding pertinent information from the burglary upstate.
I’m a person of interest last seen in a burgundy tux stained
with purplish blood spats and a perfect shaped moustache.
This was a pretty dope section. See you changed the end rhyme again at the end. Liked the first two lines a lot.
I observed the great blood bath with some vanity.
Increased the murder-rate and drug stats single handedly.
Word.
And I'm so alcha I always got a drink in my hand.
Single handedly swigging this can, getting shittered royally like the king of Japan.
Swigging don't rhyme with the rest for me. Accent thing again.
I'm so alcha I'm the friggin man.
I'm so alcha my fridge is packed, front to back with friggin alch.
Ok.
And my pad's too frigid, fuck a wack room temperature.
Straight CHILLIN in my Pabst blue ribbon shirt.
I'm an asshole Tinder perp when I relapse on the syzzurp;
Liked the Pabst blue ribbon shirt. End rhyme was cool as well. lol @ asshole Tinder perp.
bombin on these bitches like a jihad on a sinner.
Plus my screen tag is a winner,
you can follow me on Twitter @rehabisforquitters.
Nice swag @Twitter line.
I'm SO ALCHA. Nicknamed Whisky Face,
the shit I drink is painful.
Every sip I take eliminates a brain cell.
I been awake for days now...
I'm so alcha that my liver ain't the same how
I could take a piss that if you drank, you'de literally get tanked now.
Brain cell line was dope. Cell doesn't really rhyme with the rest, but kinda does I guess with how long the multie is and saying it a certain way/fast.
I'm so alcha that I broke the wagon from jumping.
I could smoke a chalice for nothin,
with coke in the basin.
And it still wouldn't overpower my buzzin when I toke the flame in.
I get totally wasted on Boeing airplains when I'm coasting to other nations.
But I'm on layover in Copenhagen, sober.
Coping by chewing on Copenhagen to hold me over.
This is probably the sloppiest section. Maybe if you had changed "when I toke the flame in" to "when I'm tokin' the flame in." Could also change "coasting to other nations" to "coasting to nations." Won't even bother with last two lines.
POST mortem.
Cause ya'll killing my buzz from the most boredom.
Lazy.
You so average it's fuckin absurd. I'm so alcha I stumble and slur.
Humpin ya girl cause I'm so savage. I'm a drunk on the verge of rock bottom.
At my intervention chuggin a beer while the cops watchin.
Gosh darn it I'm cold dammit, and not stoppin.
I'm so alcha. I'm SO ALCHA!!!!!
Liked the first two lines. Gosh darn it was cool, too.

Overall not as sloppy as I remembered upon first read after breaking it down. A lot of it is just difference of accent. Maybe you don't pronounce certain syllables of certain words either, who knows? Some parts were obviously lazy, but most of it was pretty good. Just needed a little more consistency/effort, but I'm guessing this was a key job, so all good. Watching UFC as I write this. Fucka bb, doe. Bags' alias?! Seemed like it. Anyways, this is the part of my feed where I don't actually feed and rant about random shit to make my feed look much better than it really is, although it's still 5 trillion times better than any other feed in this thread (forum?!). But seriously, though. This forums is ass. Every reply is "dope" or "this is tight" or some variation of those, possibly in a sentence format without actually saying anything about anything. English's was ok I guess, but he's a faggot and not good at this thing we do here. I mean, I suppose it could be that none of these dudes are on your level, which is understandable. That'd be kinda like Masaii trying to critique Split's boarding or Ray Rice's wife attempting to help him improve on his hands game. It just doesn't hold any weight. But word, this was still better than 90% of the shit in here, so props for that. I know you can do better, but you didn't give a fuck here. Which is fine. And alpha. So there you go.

Stay up.

[big baby]

I agree with the feed part of @Beyond. I guess i can do a quick breakdown, too. I think at times your syllables mismatches are on purpose; it's almost like transitioning to the next set of schemes, but quietly, and on purpose, by keeping a median of syllables in a certain sentence, and switching one or two syllables like beyond mentioned as 'is' 'it' 'and' or leaving a few out, you can set up by controlling the tempo of that particular line and setting up for more rhymes and transition quietly without making a loud and obvious 'ok IM GOING TO TRANSITION, HERE NOW' Or maybe, you are mismatching because you either forgot to add the "it, is,ands" etc or idk? Who knows. I personally think it's my original explanation, but yeah. Aside from a lot of the obvious things here, my favorite section was here:

What I’m trying to say is I'm a big alcoholic. Cause I’m SO ALCHA I’m in a permanent drunk state. I’m on a murderous drug rage in my convertible Mustang holding pertinent information from the burglary upstate. I’m a person of interest last seen in a burgundy tux stained with purplish blood spats and a perfect shaped moustache. I observed the great blood bath with some vanity. Increased the murder-rate and drug stats single handedly.

I think you focused a bit on longer set of words to construct your syllables and that gave it great guidance and diction in your set-ups and it was easier to maneuver for you. The smaller words are tougher for you, and even though they allow great flexibility, I dont think you quite have a grasp on more intelligible/relatable words. Tiny words in-between schemes and thoughts that shift the direction of the piece; the way YOU want it too. That takes a bit more practice. It's usually the wording inbetween I see you having trouble with,not the schemes themselves (usually). I think if you practice those tiny words and gradually flex an influx of wordage beyond the average 5 syllable scheme with pretty graphic imagery, you might gain a step or two and probably really impress a lot of people, and not just in a swag and flow netcees community, perhaps even on the poetic side. I think everything here was average to good. You're improving, but after awhile you'll feel an emptiness to try and contain creative bursts and look into more meaningful, concave and direct meaning. Though tossing out a few flexes here and then won't hinder any process you have, it's fun to have fun, but once you reach a certain level the meandering of rhyming a lot becomes a bit habitual and numbing. I think a more direct and personal approach to rhyming, to writing, to poetry may be possible, even just serious writing with no rhyming at all would prove beneficial or even peak your curiosity here and there. I hope you take my advice and work with it. Thanks for the read lil buddy.

[big baby]

Also, I liked the term 'person of interest' these things are important, these literary phrases, common terms, are great for amplifying what youre trying to say, you should utilize these more and mingle with definitions and loose meanings off of them, maybe even slightly rhyme them for a more oomph factor. Theres tons of tiny things you can do with new little weapons that can increase likability factor without you doing much, but still being happy enough with your creation.

[Bodey]

i figured i'd bump this, because it makes me smile

[Eŋg]

gone @Beyond's avy

the unironic shades to shield his malformed eye

shit