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Old 05-18-2020, 03:03 PM   #1
Concrete
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Default Ascended Bastard Freestyle

a defiant punk solely seeking guidance from violent bums
now my eyelids close my mind is one with the silent hum
by my mcintosh, absinthe and applesauce back and forth
jackin off to kalashnikovs due to lack of love at the source
rather let my pen be blasting, find targets then advance in
taking out all competitors one at a time like a zen assassin
repel - get served, challenge me you got a hell of a nerve
only said I'll be-game to battle as in the level you deserve
your sad life the unsung saga abused by your drunk mama
therapy may resolve the issues but I give you blunt trauma
aint no spirits coming here, see your girl then summon her
ask the bitch - miss, are you bothered by this commoner?
to peep your battle-raps I'd need a bottle of adderall caps
as a matter of fact, I rather attack and shatter your back
call me the bad guy of mankind, put killers in the dirt like landmines
became enlightened at the grand shrine, recognized buddhas gangsign
making it all clearer, aint no testing this killer wrecking down pillars
you refuse to see the light like triggered whiggers checkin out mirrors
this is an act of love, as its such bestowed
because as above, not so much so below
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Old 05-18-2020, 11:54 PM   #2
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This was pretty good. It flowed. Had a few solid lines. On the outside looking in, it wasn’t appealing to the eye, but once I read a couple lines, I said this guy here has something
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Old 05-19-2020, 09:33 AM   #3
Genocide
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Dope. Almost thought it was paragraph style. But nah just long bars. I liked this man
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Old 05-19-2020, 02:58 PM   #4
Concrete
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Thanks for comments guys, I could swear it looked shorter in my notepad.
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Old 05-19-2020, 07:28 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Concrete View Post
to peep your battle-raps I'd need a bottle of adderall caps
as a matter of fact, I rather attack and shatter your back
call me the bad guy of mankind, put killers in the dirt like landmines
became enlightened at the grand shrine, recognized buddhas gangsign
making it all clearer, aint no testing this killer wrecking down pillars
you refuse to see the light like triggered whiggers checkin out mirrors
this is an act of love, as its such bestowed
because as above, not so much so below
^^Dope...

I liked what was before it just thought that section be raw.

Good shit fam...stay upwards.
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Old 05-21-2020, 06:31 PM   #6
Johnny 6 feet
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A good brag verse backed up with strong vocab and some great one-liners. Your rhyme scheme was on point. You didn't go overboard with multi's and that definitely helped the flow of the thing. A coupe of lines caught my eye:

"repel - get served, challenge me you got a hell of a nerve
only said I'll be-game to battle as in the level you deserve"

Hard punch. Nice.

"your sad life the unsung saga abused by your drunk mama
therapy may resolve the issues but I give you blunt trauma"

Great compound.

"call me the bad guy of mankind, put killers in the dirt like landmines
became enlightened at the grand shrine, recognized buddhas gangsign"

Great metaphors here.

Good, solid writing from start to finish. It's rare to see creatively in a brag piece but you pulled it off here. Good job.

Please rtf if you get the time.

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Old 05-22-2020, 02:24 PM   #7
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Thanks Johnny, I'll find something with your name on it and give some thoughts.
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