05-18-2020, 03:03 PM | #1 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Oslo
Posts: 179
Battle Record: 5-0
Rep Power: 2158974 |
Ascended Bastard Freestyle
a defiant punk solely seeking guidance from violent bums
now my eyelids close my mind is one with the silent hum by my mcintosh, absinthe and applesauce back and forth jackin off to kalashnikovs due to lack of love at the source rather let my pen be blasting, find targets then advance in taking out all competitors one at a time like a zen assassin repel - get served, challenge me you got a hell of a nerve only said I'll be-game to battle as in the level you deserve your sad life the unsung saga abused by your drunk mama therapy may resolve the issues but I give you blunt trauma aint no spirits coming here, see your girl then summon her ask the bitch - miss, are you bothered by this commoner? to peep your battle-raps I'd need a bottle of adderall caps as a matter of fact, I rather attack and shatter your back call me the bad guy of mankind, put killers in the dirt like landmines became enlightened at the grand shrine, recognized buddhas gangsign making it all clearer, aint no testing this killer wrecking down pillars you refuse to see the light like triggered whiggers checkin out mirrors this is an act of love, as its such bestowed because as above, not so much so below |
05-18-2020, 11:54 PM | #2 |
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 91
Rep Power: 0 |
This was pretty good. It flowed. Had a few solid lines. On the outside looking in, it wasn’t appealing to the eye, but once I read a couple lines, I said this guy here has something
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05-19-2020, 09:33 AM | #3 |
White Earl
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Dope. Almost thought it was paragraph style. But nah just long bars. I liked this man
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
05-19-2020, 02:58 PM | #4 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Oslo
Posts: 179
Battle Record: 5-0
Rep Power: 2158974 |
Thanks for comments guys, I could swear it looked shorter in my notepad.
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05-19-2020, 07:28 PM | #5 | |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
I liked what was before it just thought that section be raw. Good shit fam...stay upwards. |
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05-21-2020, 06:31 PM | #6 |
Storyteller
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 446
Battle Record: 8-4
Champed - Guerrilla Writing League
Rep Power: 5558443 |
A good brag verse backed up with strong vocab and some great one-liners. Your rhyme scheme was on point. You didn't go overboard with multi's and that definitely helped the flow of the thing. A coupe of lines caught my eye:
"repel - get served, challenge me you got a hell of a nerve only said I'll be-game to battle as in the level you deserve" Hard punch. Nice. "your sad life the unsung saga abused by your drunk mama therapy may resolve the issues but I give you blunt trauma" Great compound. "call me the bad guy of mankind, put killers in the dirt like landmines became enlightened at the grand shrine, recognized buddhas gangsign" Great metaphors here. Good, solid writing from start to finish. It's rare to see creatively in a brag piece but you pulled it off here. Good job. Please rtf if you get the time. -6 |
05-22-2020, 02:24 PM | #7 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Oslo
Posts: 179
Battle Record: 5-0
Rep Power: 2158974 |
Thanks Johnny, I'll find something with your name on it and give some thoughts.
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