WEEK 4 GRUDGE MATCH: YDK 0-0 vs DIABLO 0-0 DIABLO WINS

[Adverse]

AOWL Season IX


Verse Due: SATURDAY December 12th @ 11:59PM EST


Line min: 10

Max: 50


Rules:http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=145451[/b]

Topic:



Good luck!

[Diablo]

I wake up with a splitting headache.
My mind is in pieces.
I’ve a feeling somethings amiss, I just don’t realise it’s my features.
Too tired to even think straight, I steal my brothers shirt
and leave to bus to work wearing one I don’t even button first.
I can’t believe how much it hurts when the pulsing subsides.
The sun hits my eyes and it’s more painful than the public’s surprise.
They look at me like they would rather I leave.
Its harder to keep it together while falling apart at the seams.
I can’t even speak right now.
My voice alone is too loud
and I’m worried I’ll throw up somehow if I open my mouth.
I’d have phoned in and bounced if it didn’t hurt me to talk.
Early this morning I was divided on if it was worth it at all.
The boss hates personal calls.
It wouldn’t have ended well.
If he doesn’t accept my help, at least I’ll have come to defend myself.
I stood up to press the bell while the bus was in gear
but the brunt of its piercing screech would prove too much for my ears.
Instead I slunk from the rear seats and moved through the carriage
stupidly chancing losing my balance and doing more damage.
I knew if I had of fallen,
I would lie there for weeks.
If sight of a clean shirt proved difficult, I’d no chance finding my feet.
I’m sliding uneasily toward the exit as passengers watch
taking care so the daggers they’ve shot me don’t snag on my top.
I manage a nodded “Thanks,” to the driver in appreciation
still feeling dazed but not wanting to keep him waiting.
The bus leaves the station.
I cough on the fumes
lost in a pluming trail left behind by the exhaustive commute.
The throbbing neuralgia intensifies like I’d never of imagined
then I’ve trouble standing so close to the incessant hum of traffic.
I let a couple pass me by,
half-smiling politely,
while trying to find the energy to guide me to my feet.
In the highly unlikely scenario I make it to work in time
I’d say I deserve a rise for dedication to service, right?
A pavement of blurring lines all bleeds into the next.
I think that it’s left here.
I squint as I press on, inching ahead.
Running my fingers against the aged expanses of the wall
until they land on something surely is the handle of a door.
I grasp on it and fall into the receptionists lobby
embracing a desk of mahogany with everything I’ve left in my body.
I check-in with “Sorry I’m late,”
but before I’ve a chance to explain
she takes a handful of paperwork and terminates the contract in my face.

[Adverse]

@YDK @Diablo

[YDK]

Hi

[YDK]

Floating through life with buoyancy troubles,
Annoyances bubble, fester, till avoidances double.
Muscles constricting going white in the knuckles
It's a struggle to breathe much less give a rebuttal.
You just want to be happy; but that's a hell of an act.
You're running out of excuses...
you use to have a hell of a knack.
The serotonin is lacking; a dopamine fix with a flame
For a moment you're laughing then all the shit is the same.
All you crave is a change but all you switch is the strain
Writing verse after verse then reversing your name.
It's the life of a writer you only need approval and paper,
But your self worth is torn to pieces
when your fans turn to haters.

[Mr. J]

I thought this was a dope battle.

Diablo, your storytelling is something that still surprises me each time. I remember the verse you did about a bug in the bathroom or kitchen and all the imagery you brought forth, you did the same here within the confines of a commute to work and the craziness that splits a person in half, the flow was on point throughout and was a great story for the most part, I honestly can't find anything to complain about here.

YDK, been awhile since I've seen your name and although your piece was short you really showed your technicality and how to use it throughout. I enjoyed it for what it was though but in retrospect you got outwitted and out-written. My only complaint with your piece is that it shouldn't have ended so soon because I'm sure you would have made this battle go down a longer path.

V/ honestly I'd love if this battle would have gone longer, both writers know their way around the league and how to capture ones attention when they are on point, both delivered here but Diablo overpowered YDK with the stronger piece, great battle regardless. Gotta give it to Diablo though

[Pharaohs Army]

Diablo
The throbbing neuralgia intensifies like I’d never of imagined
I'm a little bit lost as to the reason for this character's neurological symptoms. But, that aside, you gave some great descriptions on the commute, and ended on a note that strongly resonated with the picture.
Your rhyme and flow are on point.

YDK
Good but short. I think your opponent's longer length gave him an advantage.
Good angle though, going with the life of a writer.
You came out swinging. I thought you first 4 lines were very powerful and well-rhymed.
Floating through life with buoyancy troubles,
Annoyances bubble, fester, till avoidances double.
Muscles constricting going white in the knuckles
It's a struggle to breathe much less give a rebuttal.
The rest kind of fell off a little but that's not to say I didn't enjoy it.
Thanks for the read but IMO Diablo's piece was more fleshed out and was superb technically.

V Diablo

[Master Rock]

Woah, YDK packed so much in 1/3 of what his opponent concocted. YDK verse was stylistick and internal and hit the topic on the head which closed out nicely.
Diablo on the hand fleshed out a cohesive narrative an individual that is going through some serious ailing effects (which I am not sure if the character even knows what is causing this) and I would like to know where it stems from. Their is a journey throughout which paints a vivid picture in certain instances which places the reader within this journey and when our main character gets to their destination the topic photo comes alive in the conclusion which was impressive.
First time I ever read any of YDK's work and I look forward to more.
This is a tough decision...
However YDK's verse seems like a little more could he been piled in simply because I as a reader wanted more. As for D, once the verse was completed I accepted the finality of it.

Therefore I am giving it to D.