Week 1: Artificial vs. Mr. J- MR. J WINS BY NS (OPEN FOR FEED)

Split Eight · 07-15-2015, 03:37 AM

AOWL Season V, Week 1

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Sunday, July 19th, 11:59p.m. PCT
Monday, July 20th 2:59a.m. EST
Monday, July 20th 7:59a.m UK
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Wednesday, July 22nd, 11:00p.m. PCT/8p.m. EST/4a.m. UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

Read the full rules here!

TOPIC:

Good luck @Artificial and @Mr. J

Ronin · 07-15-2015, 09:00 AM

Check bro

Mr. J · 07-15-2015, 02:22 PM

how many lines breh @Artificial

Ronin · 07-15-2015, 07:52 PM

Doesn't matter bro. 16-20 is cool with me. I'll match whatever @Mr. J

Mr. J · 07-16-2015, 04:46 PM

"This man is a fool" the voice echoed through the darkness
en route from Penn Station to Flatbush, Home is in the projects...
the hustle, the struggle, individuals dreaming the same dream
something outsiders can't see, the stereotypes that came clean.
it's life, it's crazy... taking on all that's been known to come
close enough to take everyone with us when the doors open up.
a second home to some, to others it gets them from point 'a' to 'b'
a chance to change the scene, to avoid the rush hour & take a seat..
'relax', a moment to take everything in, as the scene rolls by
don't give in to uncertainty, or the ad's your self esteems controlled by..
your whole life is based on perspective, how you take in your environment
a scientist, breaking down the natural order in its deepest confinements.
confide with silence if you feel your route holds a higher standard
in the depths, where humanity is 'real'. it shows in the surprise & laughter.
where better times are captured, and others are just caught in transition
eventually...all of my doubts & my judgement's were 'lost' in that instant
I'm in awe, realizing I've achieved the dream I always wanted...
as I took my first photo as a new photographer for NY Times column...

Mr. J · 07-16-2015, 05:05 PM

18 @Artificial

UnbornBuddha · 07-22-2015, 12:48 AM

Ha, nice little cameo and wrap up at the end. As for the rest of the piece, I felt you started a bit slow and to be frank I felt the first 5 lines could have been omitted for something more poignant. The rest of the lines were pleasant, particularly when you read it the second time, one gets to notice the subtleties, words like "perspective and "capture" that you use before revealing the identity of the narrator. Aside from the beginning, I felt almost all the other lines etched a clue into the frame of mind of the narrator, his internal camera. To me, it felt in the beginning you were somewhat directionless or better said you knew a direction, but did not know yet how to commence the route toward your planned goal, in other words the execution at first was somewhat off. But, the rest was enjoyable. Nicely done Mr. J.

07-15-2015, 09:00 AM	#2
Ronin #MAGA Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 603 Battle Record: 0-1 Rep Power: 8417273	Check bro __________________ Too smooth for u dudes

07-15-2015, 02:22 PM	#3
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,025 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	how many lines breh @Artificial __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

07-15-2015, 07:52 PM	#4
Ronin #MAGA Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 603 Battle Record: 0-1 Rep Power: 8417273	Doesn't matter bro. 16-20 is cool with me. I'll match whatever @Mr. J __________________ Too smooth for u dudes

07-16-2015, 04:46 PM	#5
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,025 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	"This man is a fool" the voice echoed through the darkness en route from Penn Station to Flatbush, Home is in the projects... the hustle, the struggle, individuals dreaming the same dream something outsiders can't see, the stereotypes that came clean. it's life, it's crazy... taking on all that's been known to come close enough to take everyone with us when the doors open up. a second home to some, to others it gets them from point 'a' to 'b' a chance to change the scene, to avoid the rush hour & take a seat.. 'relax', a moment to take everything in, as the scene rolls by don't give in to uncertainty, or the ad's your self esteems controlled by.. your whole life is based on perspective, how you take in your environment a scientist, breaking down the natural order in its deepest confinements. confide with silence if you feel your route holds a higher standard in the depths, where humanity is 'real'. it shows in the surprise & laughter. where better times are captured, and others are just caught in transition eventually...all of my doubts & my judgement's were 'lost' in that instant I'm in awe, realizing I've achieved the dream I always wanted... as I took my first photo as a new photographer for NY Times column... __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you Last edited by Mr. J; 07-16-2015 at 08:35 PM.

07-16-2015, 05:05 PM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,025 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	18 @Artificial __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

07-22-2015, 12:48 AM	#7
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856375	Ha, nice little cameo and wrap up at the end. As for the rest of the piece, I felt you started a bit slow and to be frank I felt the first 5 lines could have been omitted for something more poignant. The rest of the lines were pleasant, particularly when you read it the second time, one gets to notice the subtleties, words like "perspective and "capture" that you use before revealing the identity of the narrator. Aside from the beginning, I felt almost all the other lines etched a clue into the frame of mind of the narrator, his internal camera. To me, it felt in the beginning you were somewhat directionless or better said you knew a direction, but did not know yet how to commence the route toward your planned goal, in other words the execution at first was somewhat off. But, the rest was enjoyable. Nicely done Mr. J.