Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-14-2018, 08:54 AM   #1
Exis
............
 
Exis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3



Rep Power: 0
Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis
Default Hold up...

Ayo,

Your lines are Brian McKnight like
Not only are they displayed on your forehead
Their also noticeable in your rhyme styles,
This fuckin' cult like figure
Will bloody cull these niggas
That don't know how to shine in the limelight like they some Dull Boy with it
This be get your skull crushed lyrics
Unlike your pre thought up,
Let's bore us
With more of your butt plug writtens
Justin run in for fuck sakes & bust me a river,
Stick on the fringe of that comfort zone your so accustomed to wigga,
Fuck my structure you idoit
& all those built bridges kid
Get over yourself like forward flips,
Then launch your frame up off of my awnings into a position that's feelin' more than really awkward bitch.
Exis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2018, 06:21 PM   #2
sral
Shrewd as evearthed
 
sral's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,230
Battle Record: 28-3


Champed
- Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Lyric Olympics
- Art of Writing League
- Guerrilla Writing League (2x)
- Black August II

Rep Power: 85899391
sral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond reputesral has a reputation beyond repute
Default

This seemed more battle-orientated than we've seen from you previously. I guess that BAL sign-in got you thinking on more a punchline type hype recently, huh?

Style-wise I'd suggest you conform more to the setup/punch style favoured here if you're looking to win battles. If you aren't and just want to see how you fare, then sure, stick with this but I don't see it winning you many. The format is essentially tried and tested already for text battles, very few that do it differently win enough to make it the norm. You may wanna beat that in mind. Maybe not. They don't care so much about multies and technical skill in text battles, it's more about the actual punchlines and creativity. For what it's worth I actually liked that get over yourself like forward flips line even though, again, I can see some people here hating on it for it being so simple with just the similie used and blah blah blah haha!

Keep that pen moving!
__________________
- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney
- Art of Writing League (x 4)
- AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)
sral is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2018, 10:57 PM   #3
ACTIVATE SELF
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 732
Battle Record: 2-1


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 19584275
ACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant future
Default

This was cool, Ex.

I like the aggression and the 'no fucks given' type of vibe this piece exuded. It really matches you're normal boarding persona. The flow was smooth for the most part except for the first couple of lines. The rest was breezy tho. The forward flip line was tight and the primary highlight here. A little lite on the overall punches though. But I suspect you're just coasting for now. Drop more often. I'll keep peeping/feeding. Stay solid, homie. Peace.
__________________
Quote:
"Why have enemies, when you can have friends?"
ACTIVATE SELF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-14-2018, 11:13 PM   #4
Exis
............
 
Exis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3



Rep Power: 0
Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis
Default

Thanks.. @sraL & @ACTIVATE SELF, this was just tryna fuck with things to get some feedback...I'm really strugglin' with goin' from OM to battlin', I know the whole shit is so different to what I'm used to but I'm up for the challenge...havin' said that I need to be me, I don't wanna conform to the norm like everyone else...just need to find what works I guess before I'm slapped with about 96 losses lol...

Gracia's for the comments, appreciate it.
Exis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2018, 02:25 PM   #5
Current faggot
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 233




Rep Power: 0
Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot
Default

I couldn't catch your flow pattern at all.
There were some very creative areas but the fact that I couldn't get into any type of rhythm reading it hurt the good points.....text flow is very subjective....I couldn't find the flow but the next man might.....either way keep writing
Current faggot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2018, 09:37 PM   #6
Exis
............
 
Exis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3



Rep Power: 0
Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis Exis
Default

What? Flow's fine, it's the content I'm worried about lol...

Thanks for the feed bro.
Exis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-15-2018, 11:12 PM   #7
Current faggot
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 233




Rep Power: 0
Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot Current faggot
Default

Text flows are subjective .
Current faggot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2018, 08:30 AM   #8
Geno
White Earl
 
Geno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,313
Battle Record: 10-15

Accomplishments
- Open Mic HOF (4x)

Champed
- Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8

Rep Power: 50036758
Geno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to Geno
Default

Good to see.you playing with styles. I like what lars said.in here. Ill go with that
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est
Geno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-16-2018, 08:00 PM   #9
Mediocrity
Brother
 
Mediocrity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 518




Rep Power: 4919692
Mediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant futureMediocrity has a brilliant future
Default

Liked the content, wish it read a little easier but it is what it is. Keep doin you broski
__________________
I’m the true King Author, crowned or not
what I release is X caliber, it’s bound to rock
Mediocrity is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
fucking terrible

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:57 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+