XI WK VIII: Symetrik (5-0) vs. brokenhal0 (4-3) [BROKENHAL0 WINS 3-2!]

[Frank]

Season 11 XI

VERSES DUE: Saturday, May, 20th, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 24 Hour Ext: Mod/Opponent Discretion

VOTES: Monday, May, 22nd, 11:59 P.M. Western / 2:59 A.M. Eastern / 7:59 A.M. UK. 3 Vote Requirement Enforced/Penalty

MAXIMUM: 48 Lines: 64 IF AGREED UPON!

Goodluck! @symetrik @brokenhal0

TOPIC:

[brokenhal0]

"Glass Mirage: An Ironic Illusion of Broken Reflections"

Two masked men sped through lanes, waving their guns,
Racing into the rays of the sun.
The tools they used were blunt, only fools do break-ins for fun,
Staying awake all night, planning this heist,
It was taking them months.
In less than 60 seconds, they would be done,
Spending the day on the run.
That's 10 million ways to the grave, another souffle for the sponge.

Run up with a pump shotgun to the window of your driver-side door,
Stick that pump shotgun in your face and shoot first before you drive off.
Die soft, apply pressure to the pedal until you slide off.
Baseball bat hitting your temple, knocking your brains on the sidewalk.
I saw I'm born,
At the truck stop, stealing catalytic converters under the side floor.

In AutoZone, looking for a radiator hose—overreaching,
Overhead helicopters float
Overheated,they may have been exposed,
Time to break another window and irradiate your souls,
Over Eden,
Overloaded and overseasoned,
Reported robberies blare over tonal beacons,
Only they know the reasons, let the chaos deepen
the cashier could careless what the people know.

The sharpness of solitude's grip, as time passes and entices,
The shards of your devices break like glass into vices.
The banter of two bandits, where criminality finds it's voice,
In shattered glass, remnants of the past make a final choice—
speeding out the parking lot unmasked in dark rejoice.

Notorious truck thieves from Tiger Hooven,
Educated in window theft, light diffusion for the slight delusion.
You got the passenger and the driver shooting.
On the highway, doing 100,
The getaway car hits some spike strips while the tires moving,
The fog lights of a SWAT truck caused slight confusion.
Crashing into a picket fence, the weeds are dense,
When the mind is loosened.

Running through those weeds, he heard the finest music,
Sticking to the plan, stars align while the night pursues them.
We will be rich indeed, winners bleed, it's time-consuming.
Two masked men living in different dreams, divide illusion.

The force of their footsteps crushed the crimson leaves,
Mimicking a cheetah's movement, the song of wind through trees, designing a blueprint.
Eerily quiet, dead silence like time was looping, got it down to the science unit.
The weeds give way to a log cabin in the distance, the breeze smelled like lighter fluid.


"In a forsaken land, where darkness seeps, their hearts are at peace.
They lost the people, they lost the street.
When you've got the money, ignore the sleep.
Two masked thieves lurk toward the cabin,
fingers on the trigger, secure and discreet.
Through thorny thickets, they tread through the night,
where the logs are made of glass, and horrors ignite."

In a haunted log cabin, where darkness weaves its spells,
Two masked thieves descend into madness experiencing their own scenes of hell.
Amidst shattered glass, where horrors ignite,
All illusions, mirror the broken reflections of light..

[symetrik]

In the summer of ‘09, we had a really bad heat wave in LA…
do you remember that?
we would pull up and park by the parks and the upper-class cul-de-sacs,
(the ones with the open floor plans and underground pools in the back)
yards of uncut tufts of grass gathering twigs at the high school’s running track,
where we’d sit and watch the cross-country kids decide between a runner’s high and a panic attack.

I loved listening…
to the summer’s heat leave the engine block with clicks and clacks,
as you explained how the heat leaving made the metal contract.
and the blast of hot air once you turned the AC’s dial to half,
then realized in a moment it was way too cold so you dialled it back.

I loved when we’d stay in the car…
that you always let me lay with my head in your lap,
(even if I was sweaty and desperately needed a bath),
across the bundled-up blanket making the middle gap flat,
and then you’d tilt your seat back and settle in for a nap.

You loved that when I woke up…
I would roll over, then set my left ear to your chest,
and listen a moment ‘til you took a deep breath,
after which, I would yawn lightly and stretch.
not that I was worried… but it’s better to check.

You loved that I would always wait…
when you ran to the corner store for some veggies and bread,
I would sit, solemnly still and quickly covered in sweat,
pants in the backseat to cool off while I wait for my friend.

You loved that I forgave you…
that day in June that we hadn’t noticed the threat…
while you ducked past the tagged carport doors to settle a debt,
a passerby noticed me and quickly started to fret,
took off his baseball cap, pondered the problem, and wiped at his head…
my guardian angel, dressed in a white shirt with letters in red.
after a moment of glancing around, he levelled his bat and tapped the window to test,
then crash, he swung through, a broken halo of shattering glass…
well, you know the rest.

I loved what we had…
and I know that since then, you always felt bad.
but the days blurred together in sizzling hot summers as the years passed,
we still lay together, parked at the parks in your summit white Cadillac,
and I could still make that goofy face that made you laugh…

We’ll miss that…
You shared these memories with the neighbourhood vet,
my head in your lap hoping you’ll never forget.
I know you’ll have new friends to sit with as the summer sun sets,
but I’m pretty dang sure I was your favourite pet.

[Dope girl]

Broke had some heavy hitters through the whole vs

Even though gun lines play out it's alright


Symerik vs was fun and entertaining to me great

Sense of humor



Vote Symerik

[Lyfzaa Gamble]

Wow great battle..

Imo...

Brokenhal0

Clearly had a better verse. The storytelling was phenomenal. The multies very great. Loved the creativity. Metaphors were rediculous. Loved reading this piece tbh.

Very very impressive my friend. Keep up the great work.

As for symetrik

Not a bad verse, kept on topic well. The flow was good but some of the lines felt forced. The rhymes weren't as clean as your opponents. Nice verse like I said the story was consistent but the rhyming seemed a bit off a times. Very close battle though. Halo just had a really well written verse.

Keep dropping brotha.

Props to both.

V- @brokenhal0

[sral]

Dope topic this week, I loved how it opens up with some action from the off but also how this image topic can be used either as the starting point to build a world around OR as a final shot as the piece potentially draws to a close. There’s a lot of options on this one, from an execution standpoint, but it also opens things up for a world building storyline effort that could be taken a multitude of routes. This matchup is particularly interesting because there’s a history to the two of you having faced each other previously also which adds another edge to it. I know both are going to bring it this week and neither will be sleeping. Let’s see what we have…


Brokenhal0: I thought you opened strongly here this week, your rhyme scheme was great from a technical standpoint in those initial lines - which kept things moving along nicely, but even with that aside this was a solid showing from a storytelling standpoint too. If I’m nitpicking over small details the soufflé to the sponge line seemed somewhat out of place in the context of the bank heist being described but it wasn’t anything major enough to distract from what was otherwise very well written. Probably the best I’ve seen from you in truth.

The repeating of ‘pump shotgun’ in two lines back to back felt a somewhat unusual choice, I couldn’t help but notice that. It would be so easy to switch it to ‘shotty’ or something simple in that second line while not taking anything away from the line because you already have explained what it is in the setup - so it’s just reinforcing the idea, or referencing it briefly, it is a super easy fix to make. The over-arching rhyme scheme you chose to carry was done well here, definitely a highlight that stood out as the read progressed, the whole ‘Over-‘ scheme worked for me too in that section and I felt you built it up well without it feeling overbearing or overdone (see what I did there?) which it could easily have been if there hadn’t been so much attention paid to it. I think your style can sometimes be too sporadic and we don’t get to see you writing consistently at your ceiling - but this week it feels like something clicked for you and a lot came together well, the shorter lines for the flow, the scheming back and forth not just with the multies from a technical standpoint but other smaller elements combining, this wasn’t even typical storytelling mode really where things are wrapped up in a neat bow at the end for the reader, the end was sort of polarising and let the reader question what they thought happened almost - Was it a fabrication of some sort, we’re these guys imagining this, having some sort of flashback to their past actions as thieves breaking and entering? That’s the sort of vibe I got from it personally, is that everything they had done previously was coming back to haunt them, weighing heavily on their consciousness, inescapable. They may have got away with it initially but karma was playing a long game. I thought that idea was great personally.

symetrik: I loved the conversational opening line asking something of the reader, I felt that was really strong and immediately it spoke to me as a reader as a result. Even though we’re from different time zones or even countries and I’ve no way of recalling it, the direct line of the questioning is like you’re speaking to me and me alone right there. The same thing could, of course, be directed at anyone - but it gives the feel as if you’re talking openly with me and me alone from the off which was a great way to shift my attention toward you. The next section also appealed to me about the engine block, but I want to say it was more because of the narrative tone deployed here and the writers voice again. That last line in particular with regard to it getting too hot so it gets instantly dialled back again - that was absolutely dope, I loved that line for its simplicity. It was conversational, it was light hearted and humorous, but it also had a real element to it that I’m sure many others will relate to a lot. It may not seem like a massive thing in the grander scheme of things, but those little connections between the writer and the reader all combine to make this thing easily accessible - and even digestible. There’s a semblance of truth in them we can all relate to in some form, it’s a very human thing to do. The comedic angle of it isn’t lost on me either here, I really enjoyed the injection of humour it had. There’s another instance of it too a little later on with “but it’s better to check,” that I enjoyed (though not as much as I did the first admittedly). Lol. The pot shot at broken halo somewhere toward the mid-end didn’t escape me either, I liked that and thought it was done well, as with the ‘twist’ on the pet being the one say inside the car too. This was actually a really cool battle to read through I thought, both verses had differences in terms of execution to them, but it’s BOTW for sure you guys had here. I actually fucked with Symetrik’s twist ending heavy, I thought he delivered that final line really well and caught me with the twist, where as Halos ending was more polarising I guess and left things more open to interpretation - The deciding factor I guess for me this week was somewhat a combination of the mechanics involved in BH’s, which was wrote really well let’s not understate that here and give the guy his flowers, but also in how he went about executing his verse was dope too with the over arching rhyme schemes and coupled with his flow - This was a prime Brokenhal0 we got to witness. Two good verses from you guys, both with their own individual merits to them, I just feel that personally BH had more going in his verse that I look for in my own writing personally when I’m putting verses down for the league. That’s what lead me to vote his way, no more to it really. The two of you are really evenly matched and this a close one in my mind, no clear cut winner about it, just that we have to pick one we favour over the other and find a decision somehow. I hate to kick rocks, so there you have it. My vote is for BH.

[Master Rock]

Wow...just wow...Great match, both verses where drastically different and beautiful done. This is probably the best narrative verse I seen off of Halo. I can't recall reading a Sym verse but I loved the emotion (probably did in the past) and pacing, it truly intrigued me. I would say this is a tie...if it was based on this one thought: I feel that Halo's verse didn't have a full conclusion at the end, and the finalization of it felt rushed in the last section. On the other hand Sym's verse felt concluded, especially how it was brought back to memories of the past. As much as I dislike to vote against the legend Halo, I got to give it to Sym.

[Frank]

2-2

@Adverse @Vandl @NYCSPITZ
@ZeeDee@Cereal

[MV The Demon]

brokenhal0 had a really nice flow here. The details were there to make this easy to visualize. Symetrik nice build up to bring the visual into perspective. The only complaint i had is that you sacrificed the smoothness of your rhymes for the sake of storytelling.


V/brokenhal0

[Frank]

@brokenhal0
WINS!