DISEASE

[dead man]

I


stared at the water.. watched it ripple and roll
surface shimmering like gemstone fields ascending the cove
some treasure is golden. nickel-plate possessions to own
all i crave is utter silence for a minute or so
the doorway showed itself within the bark of a tree
so i stripped the nearest branch and started carving a key
seen that it was all a dream and started from scratch
walking faster. watching cloud formations mark me a path
to where the world was thinner. where the portals were guarded
by phantoms of the faraway. long forced into darkness
watched a man die and put a torch to his carcass
as it burned i felt a bitter sense of mortal catharsis
folklore as knowledge for fanatics who invest in distraction
there's everything to witness but far less to be captured
there's character in action and persona in speech
home of the reaper. ghost of a preacher, soul of a beast
nobody moves, nobody's saved. nobody leaves
we're rotary, wheel spokes who serve the flow of the beams
smell the disease. that old aroma. aromatic, it breathes
you don't have to understand. i'd rather have you believe


†

[oats]

favorite I've read from you in a while now. will be back to elaborate.

[DexLabb]

dude u got a hard on for trees eh? loved the mortal catharsis line got a good visual from that. the shit you say some times breh. ending was awesome, i have never thought about it like that

[dead man]

Originally Posted by DexLabb

dude u got a hard on for trees eh?

affirmative

[Certain]

@Figurative

[sral]

the doorway showed itself within the bark of a tree
so i stripped the nearest branch and started carving a key


that couplet was dope as fuck

[Pinot Grij]

there's everything to witness but far less to be captured

This is probably my favourite verse I've ever read here. The feel and tone are perfect. Everything is so elegantly worded - it's as if the piece itself is a breeze navigating through the very forest it describes. No words, dude - this was exceptional.

[Geno]

very dope. good nom

[Pharaohs Army]

well done. flows incredibly nicely.

Originally Posted by dead man

all i crave is utter silence for a minute or so

that line is simple yet deep

[UnbornBuddha]

This was an eloquent piece my brethren. It would have been nice if it was a tad longer.
Anyways, my favorite lines were

"Seen that it was all a dream and started from scratch
walking faster. watching cloud formations mark me a path"

The wording has this Edgar Allen Poe feel to it, gothic yet poetic. Never straying into the realm of grotesqueness.

Keep up the splendid work.

[dead man]

:•)

[YDK]

This was dope man. Flowed fluidly as always an I always liked your drops with the lines a bit longer cuz it adds more to it. Good imagery an metas, overall one of my favorites I've read from you in the recent past. Enough for me to actually feed more than a word lol
Keep dropping man

[Paradigm]

there's character in action and persona in speech
home of the reaper. ghost of a preacher, soul of a beast

Dope.

Imagery was also pretty dope. Branch - Key was clever. The burning of carcass was a dope part as well. Good read. Dope as always bro.

RTF if you get the chance. http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=87231

[Split]

this felt a little mechanical to me. I wasnt too into the imagery, for whatever reason.

Originally Posted by dead man

watched a man die and put a torch to his carcass
as it burned i felt a bitter sense of mortal catharsis

this was the highlight for me, like the rest of the verse, it came out of left field but theres sort of an appeal to that disjointed narrative style and it shone through here. Cormac McCarthy ish


very zen

liked the carving a key line too but i wish there was more significance, it felt like untapped potential.

I did enjoy it overall but it felt, dunno, whimsical or carefree. I can dig it though, this was a side of your writing i havent really seen

You stoned brah? :0

cool drop

[dead man]

Usually

[PancakeBrah]

the doorway showed itself within the bark of a tree
so i stripped the nearest branch and started carving a key

watched a man die and put a torch to his carcass
as it burned i felt a bitter sense of mortal catharsis
folklore as knowledge for fanatics who invest in distraction
there's everything to witness but far less to be captured

Highlights in a strong-throughout verse. Said this before but once I've given someone a full-on breakdown in feed that ends up being effusive, which I've done for you a few times, it becomes difficult to keep repeating the same praises without seeming repetitive, to myself at least. You're firmly entrenched as the go-to open mic guy so at this point pointing out highlights is my best form of feed. Heaping on praise continually seems redundant since the talent is obvious. Enjoyed reading this.

[Soulstice]

This was fun. The atmosphere was kind of 'whimsical and carefree' as a previous poster said, but it was also grey and mysterious. It was like a Friend of the Darkness took some ayuhuasca and went off for an evening stroll in the Haunted Forest. I guess in the end the character determines that life is an accelerating trip towards the end where not only does anything not get finished, but nothing is even begun.

Folklore as knowledge for fanatics who invest in distraction
there's everything to witness but far less to be captured
there's character in action and persona in speech
home of the reaper. ghost of a preacher, soul of a beast
nobody moves, nobody's saved. nobody leaves

I got that nobody ever learns anything, just recycles stories (lines 1 in 2), even though true humanity is in ones own actions, thoughts, and words (not that they're ever properly employed) home of the reaper = earth is where the reaper lives, ghost of a preacher = dead men wish they could tell the young live while you can. soul of a beast = were all just animals that want to fuck anyways

Very good

[Template]

death is disease without cure very good, afflicts all men.

some treasure is golden. nickel-plate possessions to own
all i crave is utter silence for a minute or so

lines like this don't get enough love but they have the most impact, that blunt contrast and the association of not just silence, but utter silence, like humanity has the urge for annihilation, very freudian yet appeals to the old man sensibilities in me

the doorway showed itself within the bark of a tree
so i stripped the nearest branch and started carving a key

I'd like to see why people like this line. I think it's great. But I attach trees to youthful imagination, our greatest escape from mortality since the world is so alive and new and wondrous as a child. This encapsulated that sense of wonder and imagination.

to where the world was thinner. where the portals were guarded
by phantoms of the faraway. long forced into darkness
watched a man die and put a torch to his carcass
as it burned i felt a bitter sense of mortal catharsis

thinner world of adulthood? thats what methinks at least. the bitter catharsis hearkens back to the freudian thought that we fling ourselves towards death, which often yields moments that make us feel most alive. CRAZY TO BE HUMAN

nobody moves, nobody's saved. nobody leaves
we're rotary, wheel spokes who serve the flow of the beams
smell the disease. that old aroma. aromatic, it breathes
you don't have to understand. i'd rather have you believe

there's an existential note of string theory in that first couplet imo. like when you break us down into our most indivisible parts, what you get is no different than any other matter. We're just here, gyrating alongside the rest of existence, for purposes we don't really know - what they are, or whether or not they exist. but that's why we believe instead of understand, because it's the only honest option we have. belief is like the adult version of imagination (see: tree couplet), only stained with the knowledge of our mortality.

very dope