|
11-27-2018, 10:24 PM | #1 |
Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 85899400 |
Broken halo vs master rock[MR WINS]
NWL:Season I: Week VII
Verses ares due: SUNDAY at 11:59 PM EST Voting ends: TUESDAY at 11:59 PM EST Line Limit: Minimum:10 lines, Max: 30 Voting on 2 battles is required. TOPIC: @Master Rock @brokenhal0 Last edited by Inno; 12-06-2018 at 04:18 PM. |
11-28-2018, 11:39 PM | #2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 492
Battle Record: 12-12=4
Champed - AOWL Season IX
Rep Power: 455117 |
Back stabbed rats are scared packed the chandeliers
Random stares cool breeze standing fan style a rare Leg of lamb waves expand take your land story of abraham same fate that weighed his man loud smelling like roasted aubergine life is a trampoline Pulled a knife out my back hand you the wrath of me Take a stab i cant wait to plan i dont need a chair I cant wait to stand no matter where i turn The wounds have to burn i earn like a big fish Real money gold fractalized in deep six Speak code speaks glyphs secrets Eat shit incomplete bitch encrypted Ecleptic traphouse smelling like demons in it stabbed in the back Be aware of the fact Shadowman wants you to react put a end to the answers you ask Last edited by brokenhal0; 11-28-2018 at 11:49 PM. |
12-03-2018, 11:09 PM | #3 |
Steadily Lurking
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Beyond your reach
Posts: 1,330
Battle Record: 7-7
Champed - Netcees Writers League
Rep Power: 5599637 |
guards down susceptible to pain
sedated by loves vision borderline insane strained displaying weakness open wounds in a sight that is plain you got my back...yeah right left existential life treated as a device plugged in powered by where one shall plunge the knife pain and agony shattered relationship proscription construct of cavity question creation's catastrophe deception of what one may deem as reality but yet in truth it all remains a fallacy who's really my friend awkward smiles and pretend shall I reached out for the hand that lends change face to face the music I'll return the blade take another stab then trust is gone but it's all I ever had two faces which one do I choose heads tails either way 50/50 I lose covered up what I trust two sides leaning towards the wise choose my back a target for target practice but the fact is you're the reason I cry best friends become strangers combined with anger dispised what a waste of time I been used abused deserted in the dark then you question my wounds memories trust vanquish in the end who is the one that will lose meanwhile, I'll take a seat and sing the blues Last edited by Master Rock; 12-03-2018 at 11:22 PM. |
12-04-2018, 02:44 AM | #4 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
guards down susceptible to pain
sedated by loves vision borderline insane strained displaying weakness open wounds in a sight that is plain ^^Chea... I really like Halo, & in all seriousness never heard of Master...but he took this.What I quoted was nice imo. V / MR... |
12-04-2018, 10:49 PM | #5 |
Tsk Tsk
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17
Rep Power: 9946446 |
I read each three times, and I gotta be honest, I don't get either verses underlying meaning, I'm sort of lost here in terms of concept. So with that said, Halo wrote in a strange style, very cryptic, which I didn't like much. It makes the read less enjoyebale in my eyes.
v/M. Rock To me he had the better writen verse in terms of flow and overall content as far as I can tell, but again, a bit hard to decipher either for me this week. sorry.
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR |
12-05-2018, 05:47 PM | #6 |
rockkFresh
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Chicago.
Posts: 1,088
Battle Record: 8-10
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 11328542 |
Hmm. Both pieces are pretty random.
brokenhal0's verse was something I couldn't put together. I actually really dig the flow / rhyme scheme, it read off pretty nicely, it just didn't make sense to me. I couldn't piece any of it together to how it related to the picture besides the references of the actual picture. All in all, I really like the flow behind this. It was pretty smooth, it was just.. hard to understand. If you could streamline a concept to a scheme like that, it should make for a really enjoyable read. Master Rock's verse was the better of the two to me. Conceptually, it made a little more sense to me than brokenhal0's. What I got from it, essentially, was fake friends pretty much. "guards down susceptible to pain sedated by loves vision borderline insane strained displaying weakness open wounds in a sight that is plain" The opening was pretty cool. I didn't like the, in a sight that is plain. Like, I get it, in plain sight, but- don't force the wording of something for the sake of a rhyme. Besides that, I would work on the structure of your verses to make for a smoother flow. Also, there was a couple of grammar mistakes. The correct usage of a word, along with comma's in the correct place, etc.. will make for a much better read. Thanks for showing guys, I'm going to have to go with Master Rock on this one. vMaster Rock |
|
|