Congratulations to Pinot Grij.

[Certain]

He won Write Week #5. @Dr Dog and I were the judges because no one else stepped up, and we both picked Pinot Grij as the winner.

Originally Posted by Pinot Grij

Swept from her feet.. he led emotion’s dance so delicately
Her heart had never known love, nor the depths it could reach
What pleasure, so sweet. She was truly displaced
To feel his soothing embrace emanate from that beautiful face
She felt renewed, and engaged. Any obstacle felt solvable.
Her life, so often dull, took new shape within love’s hypnotic pull
There was not a lull, she treasured life and the gifts it provides
Exquisite and blithe, her heart alit by passion’s whimsical ride
Oh, what intimacy, in between sheets, her sweat would glisten
That sweet shudder, her pulse aflutter, as they found their tender rhythm
Then collapsed on his chest, as the moon bathed her in beams
Gasping for breath, but from his heart… not the faintest of beats
As strange as it seems. In an instant she was stricken by dread
Her heart twisted, bereft, as she violently kicked in his head
Digging in, she used her bare hands to break through the skin
Imprinted upon his skull, however dull, it read: Robolationships, Inc.

An administrator (@Diode or @Allen Knight — I'm not sure who else still has the juice) will need to add his accomplishment. Vulgar came in second, and Cimmerian came in third.

Here are my evaluations for every verse:

@Mr. J: This was one of the better, more focused verses I’ve read from you. There were a lot of emotional hooks, and the rhyming and flow were precise. Some of the diction was clunky because of the rhyming, both internally and at ends. The ending was solid. But I think it all needed more clarity and thought in the framing device.

@sraL: I had to disqualify you because you went about twice the line limit. This verse was mushy and genuine at the same time. It was fine. Your technical side was as good as it tends to be.

@Rakontur: You went over the line limit, as well, but you did it less blatantly. You misused a lot of words. You had a really interesting theme, but it was hard to read this because of the awkward diction.

@Pinot Grij: There was a lot in this verse, which I expect from you. The mechanics were flawless, and the story was intricate and well told. The entire impact was negated a bit because any reader would know the topic before starting, but you put a nice twist on the ending anyway that delivered a dose of originality.

@Artificial: Your story was flat. You described the image with little to no movement outside of its confines. Your wording and mechanics pedestrian but adequate, had you done more with your content. This verse is a good place to start, though. You have potential. Think with more originality.

@DonaldSterlingMommasHerpe: This was awesome. Put this over the “New Slaves” beat. I enjoyed it greatly.

@Pharaohs Army: I get what you try to do, but I don’t think you embrace the concepts, constructs and constraints of text rap. I also don’t think these lyrics would stand out if recorded.

@MMLP: I enjoyed this. It was simple but mostly worked. You put too much emphasis into rhyming and not enough into content and diction. Simply put, your verses aren’t interesting enough.

@Gina: There’s a lot of cliché here. This straddled the line between freeverse and text rap, which is fine, but it made the overly simple rhymes feel forced. That brought more attention to the trite content and phrasing. The constant contradictions felt forced.

@Razah: “You see the fear in my eyes - I see the hope that’s in yours” is such a dope line. This was a very well done, professional topical verse that contained itself well. It never reached the next level the way Pinot Grij’s did, but it had a similar path of telling a story beyond the image and doing so competently. It reminded me of Battlestar Galactica.

@Godcomplex: I have a hard time imagining anyone told a better story. You had a lot of content packed into a short space, and the ending was great. The telling of the story was the weak spot compared to other top verses. Everything took a back seat to the content, which meant clumsy rhyme mechanics and dry writer’s voice.

@Cimmerian: Your approach to the topic was very smart and allowed you plenty of room to build in 16 lines. You showcased a ton of mechanical prowess here, both with rhyming and diction. But while you started with a few personal lines, you moved to a more general theme that I didn’t like as much as the initial wave. This was a very good verse that could have been great if you’d continued with the more personal and lusting side.

@Vulgar: You win for best content. Though you didn’t quite have as much of a story line as Godcomplex, you made me laugh and saw the picture in a very different way from any competitor. That is to be commended. The writing needed to be tightened up in terms of rhyming and word choice, which is ultimately what held you back from the No. 1 spot. But this was fun, and the final line was great.

[Allen Knight]

write week v ?

[Certain]

Yeah.

[Allen Knight]

done & props to pinot.

[Vulgar]

gratss

[Pharaohs Army]

Thanks to Dr Dog and Certain for judging, and for this write up.
Congrats pinot

Certain, I like the word "constraints".. Gonna use it in a future work. Ty

[Pinot Grij]

Thanks for getting around to this, homey. I liked that verse a lot and am honored to have been picked. @Cimmerian's offering was awesome.

[ill nik-A]

I wish I'd known

Congrats pulsey

[Cimmerian]

Originally Posted by Pinot Grij

Thanks for getting around to this, homey. I liked that verse a lot and am honored to have been picked. @Cimmerian's offering was awesome.

Congrats!

Cimm.

[Orc]

Well done.

[Witty]

Congrats bro.

[UnbornBuddha]

Forgot about this. Anyways, congratulations!


On another note, give the people #6.

[TYSON]

Congratulations bro