2tripple0 2-6 vs. MMLP 0-0 - MMLP 5-0

[Adonis]

AOWL Season V, Week 10


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific/West Coast or Tuesday 11:59 PM Eastern / 6:00 AM Wednesday Central European/London
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Friday at 4:00 p.m. Western / or Friday 7:00 PM Eastern / 1:00 AM Saturday Central European/London Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Read the full rules here!



Topic: http://100.best-poems.net/still-i-rise.html

Maya Angelou – Still I Rise


G/Luck @MMLP if you want to sub in this battle is yours, if not Rakontur is willing to show on short notice.

@2tripple0

[2tripple0]

Maya Angelou - "Still I Rise"

Even though I was falling and losing my premonitions
I still gotta keep my head up like Tupac Shakur composition
I know my girls gone she left me about two years ago
I still gotta pioneer flow and run with a dope hoe
They all gone now I miss em more than anything
But I gotta twist this round my finger as if it was a wedding ring
And Im trying to explain the meaning to this topical
But I aint no triangle but this like Bermuda way its so tropical
And I never drank alcohol but I burned a few blunts or two
And just like a tool Im bolting ya with a drill still cant find a screw
Gonna end this with my arms in the air like the statue of liberty
And its funny that I aint generalizing when im addressing minorities
Gonna fill the post and stamp on this fool when it comes to rap
Throwing underhand and just like Hitler Im famous for my stash


14. match.

[MMLP]

A ring in my ear and I'm forced to chug
last sip of the beer and the doors will shut
I ignore the publican ringing the bell
and resort to chugging the liquor myself.
Looking to piss in a shelter as I struggle to walk
forcefully ripping the belt strap but id slump to the floor.
I woke up in a puddle of urine at my own expense,
thinking if I stumbled some more id be home for ten!
Now soaking wet. waking up in my pee,
clothes were drenched so I sprung to my feet.
Lunging with each unsteady step I would take
as I struggle to keep upright and tending to sway
Every effort in vain but I'll keep on going
second attempt is made when I reach my focus
My feet were hopeless as I was prowled the streets casually
what felt like fleeting moments, took hours in reality!
I lost count of the alleys, streets and footpaths I crawled
and amount that I had to be picked up from the floor.
I was more drunk than I thought, fumbling blindly,
stumbling awkwardly with my beer compass to guide me.
But through the hijinks, no matter how often I'd rise,
not a supping of my drink escaped this bottle of mine!

[Razah]

2000: So, was this like a 'dope raps verse' about yourself, and in that way, relating to the concept of 'still I rise'??

If so, that's pretty cool. Glad you enjoy writing. But, as far as criticism goes:

"But I aint no triangle but this like Bermuda way its so tropical"

Aww man, that line made me cringe. It was just... bad. I don't know. Kind of hated it to be honest, the Hitler line made me laugh though. Shit comes off like some drunk freestyle shit. Anyways, I feel like your take on topics could be a little more complex.. but, I did see someone mention you were some young kid?? Idk.. never hurts to take yourself out the box a bit.

MMLP nearly doubled the amount of lines that 2000 posted which I kind of thought was inappropriate. Yo, the verse was okay. Nothing special, nothing mind blowing, came off like a fun nursery rhyme, for grown people... who drink a lot.

Uhmm this could honestly go either wayyy but, I'ma have to vote for MMLP. I thought both verses were pretty simple. Neither had anything mind blowing, and I feel like MMLP had a more solid flow in his verse. Plus, I enjoy nursery rhymes, I'm grown, and I drink, a lot.

vMMLP

[Nigma]

This was pretty one sided in my eyes. MMLP came with thought invested into his concept and delivered a pretty cool verse. Thought it was mechanically sound, and although there was limited escalation you took a clean angle at the topic. 2000, you are getting better mechanically but still are behind conceptually which is much more important in my opinion. You were talking about too many things, you have to focus more on talking about one thing and building on it.

For the more developed and better executed and enjoyable verse for me,

+1 MMLP

[Frank]

MVGT MMLP

Pretty comical under card. I will say this. I think 2triple0 always has something interesting to say. MMLP reminded me of a younger, unpolished lars. I thought it was chummy.

Not much more for me to say here.

[e11even]

2stackz- this was a train ride composition book freestyle with graffiti tucked in the margins. I almost came at this piece to tear it down, but roses can grow out of concrete. I like that even though you admitted to not really slamming an angle, you still put this in the oven hoping it would come out tasty. I like the no-frills approach and commend you for not Shakespeareing it when you didn't necessarily feel like it. Respect. #thatlastlinetho

Eminem lp- kind of a dick move not matching lines, but I digress. The flow was pretty polished, yet simple here and it made the stupor enjoyable. This fear and loathing verse felt kinda like watching someone actually enact this and I'd be walking passed them as not to get covered in piss, but this piece was good as a piece. The subject matter was not or original or particularly a standout piece of material, but it was a better drop than its counterpart. Good job.

This felt like an easy pick, although I respect both works for what they were. MVGT MMLP for the better overall read and mechanics.

[Mr. J]

2tripple0

No matter how much advice is spewed your way its like you dont bother improving
therefore Im just going to say good job showing up this week, nice performance
that was one weird ass mag you put up this week thank you for your contribution
as for this verse I hope that someone reaches out to you and wakes you up out of your slump

MMLP

you came across more direct in your approach as apposed to your opponent
you also have a more polished touch when it comes to you approach to the topic
as everyone has said you do have a very Larsesque angle in the way you write
it compliments the work you put in here though, clearly overpowering your opponent
towards the middle your work started a little decline but you pick it up at the end
really nice work would have been better a little more fleshed out though nahmean

v/MMLP This was an easy vote for anyone and should have the vote requirements bumped to four
either way MMLP had a slicker verse that came across more focused & thought out
nice work

[sral]

5-0 is a shut out!

[Adonis]

Originally Posted by sraL

5-0 is a shut out!

Just edit score in thread title and move/close.

Final vote tally is a tie breaker and official Stat so we keep track