Keep on keeping on(fuck off)

Natural · 01-09-2014, 07:40 PM

Been on top of this shit with provocative spit, no popular pick
I just dropped as a kid with a prosperous gift to atomic a writ
Moved into dominance quick with my monstrous knowledge within
Started a chronic assonance kick and constantly taunted the pen
Like a hungry piranha chomping competition out of position
I'm the Modern Muhammad knockout artist who targets the vicious
Charges the bitches and fixes em into admitting submission
I'm athletic and Olympic level ready to complete my mission
To be the greatest of all time among all musicians and rip them
A new asshole when they doubt my conditioning for the audition
The audience is applauding my karate even though they the victims
I'm a sick dog off of the chain like django and i'm ready to sicc em

Boredom · 01-09-2014, 07:50 PM

Moved into dominance quick with my monstrous knowledge within
Started a chronic assonance kick and constantly taunted the pen

^dope

was pree good for a lil flex. keep it up

PancakeBrah · 01-09-2014, 08:05 PM

Atomic a writ is a really, really forced rhyme.

Nothing in this drop is unique or interesting and the rhyming isn't good enough to distract the reader from that. All of the ideas are generic. The metaphors and allusions are basic.

Natural · 01-09-2014, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PancakeBrah

Atomic a writ is a really, really forced rhyme.

Nothing in this drop is unique or interesting and the rhyming isn't good enough to distract the reader from that. All of the ideas are generic. The metaphors and allusions are basic.

Its called assonance son. Put emphasis on the vowl sounds.
Its not forced. Thanks for your opinion. Bye now.

Natural · 01-09-2014, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alphabet

Moved into dominance quick with my monstrous knowledge within
Started a chronic assonance kick and constantly taunted the pen

^dope

was pree good for a lil flex. keep it up

Thanks man.

PancakeBrah · 01-09-2014, 08:18 PM

No, it really is forced.

I'm not trolling. This isn't good.

Certain · 01-09-2014, 08:35 PM

When he says it's a forced rhyme, he doesn't mean that the sound is forced. It simply doesn't make sense. "Atomic" is not a verb.

Exis · 01-09-2014, 09:00 PM

I'd suggest instead of droppin' so many verses that are below par just submit a couple every now and then that hopefully by spendin' some time on are considered somewhat decent...no one wants to see 6 pieces of yours on the first page when 99% of them are (in my opinion) bland.

01-09-2014, 07:40 PM	#1
Natural Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 691 Rep Power: 0	Keep on keeping on(fuck off) Been on top of this shit with provocative spit, no popular pick I just dropped as a kid with a prosperous gift to atomic a writ Moved into dominance quick with my monstrous knowledge within Started a chronic assonance kick and constantly taunted the pen Like a hungry piranha chomping competition out of position I'm the Modern Muhammad knockout artist who targets the vicious Charges the bitches and fixes em into admitting submission I'm athletic and Olympic level ready to complete my mission To be the greatest of all time among all musicians and rip them A new asshole when they doubt my conditioning for the audition The audience is applauding my karate even though they the victims I'm a sick dog off of the chain like django and i'm ready to sicc em

01-09-2014, 08:05 PM	#3
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	Atomic a writ is a really, really forced rhyme. Nothing in this drop is unique or interesting and the rhyming isn't good enough to distract the reader from that. All of the ideas are generic. The metaphors and allusions are basic. __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?

01-09-2014, 08:18 PM	#6
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 13,052 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899406	No, it really is forced. I'm not trolling. This isn't good. __________________ If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me?

01-09-2014, 08:35 PM	#7
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	When he says it's a forced rhyme, he doesn't mean that the sound is forced. It simply doesn't make sense. "Atomic" is not a verb. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.

01-09-2014, 07:50 PM	#2
Boredom Been On One Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 1,618 Battle Record: 26-28 Champed - Newbie Tournament IV Rep Power: 415107	Moved into dominance quick with my monstrous knowledge within Started a chronic assonance kick and constantly taunted the pen ^dope was pree good for a lil flex. keep it up

01-09-2014, 09:00 PM	#8
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	I'd suggest instead of droppin' so many verses that are below par just submit a couple every now and then that hopefully by spendin' some time on are considered somewhat decent...no one wants to see 6 pieces of yours on the first page when 99% of them are (in my opinion) bland.