10-05-2019, 01:00 AM | #1 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,467
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
Dead Man: Ascension
lying
awake. waiting for a time to escape prideful as ever, writing letters to our private relationship. tying the tethers quite the endeavor, we were dying together trying to race towards whatever we could find in our haste: climate change, twice the rain twice the regret .. relishing like hell in every lie we embellished reckless as any, always shy to repent so our cycle continues like synchronizing a swim silent and naked. its dark outside and crickets are chirping we hear it from the windows of our second-floor purchase woodpanel flush with portraits. carpet faded with years i worked and drank and sat with you in vague insincerity every day you spend is like donating to charity interactions all a lesson from your cognitive therapy pardon me. let me free. leave me tied to a bench its like i never left my father's house inside of my head adolescent evermore. its wild and upsetting how we'll never feel much older than our time as a kid, using rhyme to repress. or is it silent expression? either sublimation only guides me to questions - alligator fang-snapping terrorizing the lake or a thousand-mirror medusa on an island of snakes copying fake, obstinate major, riding a wave stroller rides to the grave, i'm here like bedbugs and AIDS either accept it and let it lie in your veins or lie in a grave full of promises we probably made neurologic escapist. diagnostic enslaved healing others to account for all the life that i wasted biomatrix, stuck in transit. red-line ride, 35th spent my life counting minutes til my life can begin a giant in skin. mindful militia, vibrant within when lightning struck oil and mined a diamond instead he arrived from the dead. headlights on bright in the whip when worlds collide we die in the wreckage. psychic ascension - higher than prince when he was writing his hits, trial has commenced myelin sheath corroded, bipolar tendancies, i plead the fifth cease and exist, briefly as this. a meaty imprinting organizing barriers and seeking religion secretion and sense is all we contribute. simple as pie boil it down - your only memory is how you're designed but why dm
__________________
Zack Wicks for president |
10-05-2019, 03:12 AM | #2 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 117
Rep Power: 0 |
Shit was deep like an azzhole niqqa
|
10-05-2019, 11:38 AM | #3 |
White Earl
|
Greatest writer of my generation. And every one to come since
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est |
10-16-2019, 11:15 PM | #4 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
Did Aero write this?
Answer will impact whether I like it or not.
__________________
If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
10-17-2019, 12:32 AM | #5 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 117
Rep Power: 0 |
|
10-17-2019, 01:40 AM | #6 |
Satan
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,156
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129212 |
Dead Man - Ascension
Hello, Blacketh. I thought this was a good written; full of expanded intellect and heartstrokes with the pen' that brought me to black dark realms; and good sharp content. Your verbosity is good; your verbosity is good; your verbosity is really well done. I think you're a excellent writer where you're ground. I believe you should expand here; go to different areas; stay well put. Your black verses are well done; you could use more christian language. Vocabulary is your strong suit. Your vocabulary is very strong. Your verbosity is good; yet with more book reading. Could be concrete. That's what most writers nowadays need. Concrete easy to read writing. Concrete as a novel. Good work, Dead Man. Nice work on this piece. |
10-17-2019, 05:06 AM | #7 |
...DA GAWD...
|
Blacket my dear friend....
Love reading your writing because of the simple wording you so elegantly protrue with ease. One liners here and there had my thinking real deep but a piece as a whole was just a cultivating imagery. You sprinkled the details to paint a picture for me tk read and easily warch the scriptures in slow motion fade off to the next. Especially like the deep connection you implamented leaving it so relatable with anyone to read down the stanzas. Your diction on this was executed quite perfectly with the the scheme and your little hiccups in the rhyme actually patterned well and i caught on to it fast and proceeded from there. Great spoken word here my friend. The vocabulary which i am so used to be packed wjth was more subtle this time around but still stuck with great deliverance.
__________________
WP Po'ethics Last edited by Spoken; 10-17-2019 at 05:06 AM. Reason: Typos |
10-17-2019, 03:09 PM | #8 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,467
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
Always assume yes
__________________
Zack Wicks for president |
10-17-2019, 11:38 PM | #9 | |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
|
|
10-18-2019, 08:38 AM | #10 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,467
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
I should do more book reading lol
__________________
Zack Wicks for president |
10-19-2019, 06:15 AM | #11 |
White Earl
|
Uhhh. Ya, sinacog is the terminator. Obv
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est |
10-21-2019, 07:32 PM | #12 |
rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 2,146
Rep Power: 0 |
i, for one, would also like to see more christian language.
i'm not boasting but i incorporated the word antediluvian* into a verse once and it almost sounded natural. Last edited by EÅ‹g; 10-21-2019 at 07:34 PM. |
10-30-2019, 08:10 PM | #13 |
The COAT...
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: BC, Canada
Posts: 1,724
Battle Record: 28-20
Champed - Art of Writing League (x3)
Rep Power: 4595810 |
salute
__________________
|
11-19-2019, 11:52 AM | #14 | |
Everything's Connected
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Niagara Falls, Canada
Posts: 999
Battle Record: 19-8
Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x)
- GWL Picture challenge(2x)
- Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 10178702 |
Quote:
Listen man, not many people impress me anymore, I've seen them all. But you continue to. Inspiring stuff. Oh, and start writing screenplays or a novel or something... your talents are wasted here.
__________________
..Passed the Present and Future.. |
|
11-20-2019, 12:26 AM | #15 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,467
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
hey thanks man. i'll try to hit yours back with some commentary soon.
__________________
Zack Wicks for president |
11-20-2019, 12:44 AM | #16 |
Twitter: @ricanjq
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 582
Battle Record: 4-12
Champed - 1-2 Punch league
Rep Power: 2236280 |
@dead man
bruh,don't want to sound repetitive but you are one of the best to ever do it. Always can relate to something that you're writing. ------------------------------------ lying awake. waiting for a time to escape prideful as ever, writing letters to our private relationship. tying the tethers quite the endeavor, we were dying together trying to race towards whatever we could find in our haste: climate change, twice the rain twice the regret .. relishing like hell in every lie we embellished reckless as any, always shy to repent so our cycle continues like synchronizing a swim ----------------------------------------------- this engages anyone in a second, especially if they have gone thru it or currently going thru something like this. u gotta start writing more short stories, films, bigger projects. |
11-20-2019, 01:07 AM | #17 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
this is really really good i don't know what else to say.
but maybe surprise us all some day with a different kind of piece. |
Tags |
aero hof |
|
|