Week 1: theMuzzl3 vs. Greed [theMuzzl3 wins, 7-1.]

[Adonis]

Verses will be due Thursday Oct. 2nd at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. There are no Extensions. No Exceptions.

Verses must be a minimum of 10 Lines and maximum of 48 Lines or 650 words unless agreed upon by both competitors.

Votes will be due Sundays at 11:59 p.m. Western / 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK .

View Other Rules Here

Goodluck
@oats @theMuzzl3


Topic:

[theMuzzl3]

Unwritten words are the best ones that would ever possibly be read.
Unheard songs are the greatest that could ever vibrate the ears in your head.
The only message that matters is the one that goes forever unsaid.
A butterfly's wings that are never to be flapped are the most beautiful of all flapping wings.
The 'Big Bang' implodes, and we're projectile vomited out unto another dimension.
Unaware of what becomes of us, we follow this One lonely Shepard.
God utters One indescribable Word; and we're all in shock, thunderstruck.
If you're down below, up above, or standing firmly on the ground… you best duck.
If he had just kept his mouth shut, none of these atrocities would have happened.
Maybe, the butterfly's wings would have rapidly consented to what We had imagined.
Without the horrible shit, we would be in no way capable of enjoying the nice things.
In this way, we could think of all of the wrongs that happened as necessary blessings.
Breath the air, touch a breast and smell a woman's soulful nest… we are not repressed.
Sex, Drugs, and Rock N' Roll is what got us here & now its heat that we fear… so confess.
For every wrong, there is a right. And, staying in the middle only continues the riddle.
The butterfly's wings never did flap… shit, it never even made it out of its cocoon.
Its like the 'profit of all profits' was greedy, and told us "what is what" during the fullest moon.
Monsters and horrors are everywhere; who in their right mind would not be scared?
Perhaps, not you? I dare you to cross the great river of fire, but don't forget to pay the fare.

The Shepard must feel pain and shame: knowing that his herd will never actually be heard.
Words came out slurred, and blurred visions incurred incarnations of that which has reoccured.
The sheep: buried beneath the rocks sheathing, unaware of what has hit them: are seedless.
Forcibly taught the rules of the universe by trial and error, they have now become needless.
Why would he have led them astray? There's noway they'd obey him now -- they're runaways.
Nowadays, they take no advice from his journey upon the maze of the sustained mountain.
Still, he displayed that the best way for him to show them the light, without any possible stain…
was for him to stand alone on the soulless ice… as a grateful and willing sacrifice.
Christ, its pretty nice to be able to 'roll the dice' and know that we'll still suffice.
But, in no ways does His suffering optimize or legitimize our form of "paradise".
We are made in God's own image, and this JPG picture says it all.
Every possibility of a world will pinup at least one scripture's flaw.

Comparison: unwritten reality becomes vaguely similar to the world we have already become.
One is One, whether we're standing and viewing from the glacial ice or living within a blazing sun.
Two is Two. Or, is Two Three? Maybe, The Tree Of Life shall answer me;
but I see no Tree's Response in the lava flow below, nor in the fiery clouds above.
----cut lines mended---- This poem has to be over.
Out of no where, comes a grey dove… symbolizing unanimous and unconditional love.
Cold, callous world: violently thrust unto warm comforting bosoms.
One can only hope and pray that this was the right place for us to blossom.
----the End---- I'll write more, when I'm sober.

[Greed]

A god. The lost soul of a gospel
in pac mode under the grotto contemplating a colossal
Philosophy shift, a part of me sits in awe of the pitch
But offerings of glitz are hardly equipped to satisfy gods such as this
Yet as I walk to the cliff, my thoughts are a mix
If I lost any cents, then im lost in a sense and lost innocence
Materialistic, my spirit is lifted at the mere hint of riches
But how clear is my senses if considering eternal revere as the queer decison of bitches

But what is this

I recall the maming of hordes by ancient warlords with a sword forged from the core of a ore found deep in the ocean floor

Im Judge jury and executioner, lucifer with a ruger serving youth better excuses for drug usage through a blood infused sousaphone
no matter whos at home when the tunes is on then im moving songs
a few is wrong but to who its drawn will move along wheather ruse or psalm

Exhale reefer colored hookah smoke, using dope and losing hope as you promote a future soaked in dos and donts who's and wonts
Thats idiocracy at its finest, once the highest highness has reached a climate of violence, you'll find that noise shrouded in silence is still quiet

Reimagined greatness at the mountains apex, thought of the matrix and ate six
Stared over my land and embraced it, the decision is mine and i'll take it.

[timeless]

I don't think Muz knew what exactly was going on in his verse, then again I don't think greed does either, well somehow, I think greed did a bit more than his opponent actually. voting for greed for more satisfaction.

v. greed

[Mr. J]

Ok...first return vote....annnnnnnd

Well let's just say it's the beginning of a new season as well
which...it is, therefore I feel like both of you may be new to this...
and if not, blame it on the deadline..

regardless let's see...the first verse I found it quite structured
you captivated an idea that you tried to make work for the better
and it turned out quite well, but on the other hand I think you lost your...
I don't know how to say it, your drive to continue with your verse
after a moment or two I felt it was going in a great direction...
but lost it's edge, nice work though

the second verse...I feel may have captured what the picture represented
slightly, and where you took it felt like it might have stuck in the mind more...
maybe I'm still stuck on the first verse or you just rushed your verse
making it seem like your normal everyday OM drop in my eyes which is cool
but mistaken as a ravishing league verse....

v/first guy

[PancakeBrah]

themuzzl3-

Do you find it ironic that you said unsaid words are the best that can be read then proceed to say every word? I thought it was ironic.

So there's a lot of words here, and they're all kind of related. There's a lot to digest, or it appears there should be a lot to digest given the sheer volume of typed things here. But really, this was just a large mix of platitudes, pseudo-intellectual existential shit, and nonsense poetry. Not trying to be mean; this wasn't necessarily "bad" (maybe it was), but only because you obviously put so much effort and thought into it. So my gut reaction is to say it's not bad. But it probably is. The unheard/unsaid/unflapping motif of the first section wore thin after, I don't know, the first time you used it. What does it even mean, dudebro? That repeated thought sounded like a stoned beatnik. I could go into detail about the wording and ideas I wasn't a fan of, but it's all pretty much the same. A lot of supposedly deep shit that's revealed to be basic and/or flat out wrong past a surface level examination. I'm not usually one to harp on line length and 'flow' as a huge part of a verse but this read like an essay that occasionally rhymed, which is less than ideal. The sudden 'reveal'/admission that you were drunk really had no place here, although I guess it does explain some of the half-baked thinking that went into this piece. A struggle to get through. I will say there were one or two or three lines that were decent. This wasn't "OMG HORRIBLE", you just need a lot of work on your writing/thinking process. Thanks for the read.

Greed-

I really enjoyed your first four lines. Quite a bit actually. Thought they were good, thought they were setting up a nice little piece that'd easily get the vote over Muzzle's tome of blech. Then, I assume, someone assaulted you with a steel bat to the head, causing brain damage. Now short circuited, you impulsively rhymed, and only rhymed, and then rhymed again, to rhyme. Spelling and grammar flew out the window and the world became hazy. Ancient warlords were expelling reefer colored hookah smoke. The God's philosophical crisis was no longer of importance; FUCK THAT; IT'S RHYMIN' TIME!!!!!!!!!. You really just lost the plot and the second half of this kind of repulses me.

I thought Greed had a layup. But at least Muzzle stuck to his concept and saw it through. Greed had a strong start then just said fuck it. Weird, weird battle. I think Greed showed some signs that he could be a decent writer in this league with the beginning of this verse. Don't know what happened, dude.

v/Muzzle, begrudgingly

[Inno]

I honestly thought. Muzzle did an excellent job with the topic.
I'm pretty drunk but I thought muzzle came with a more coherently
Thought out verse. Greed seemed to post a no shoe verse or a half ass
Verse. Muzzle dropped a verse that was enthralling and kept the story going
In a coherent manner. Beyond that he actually dropped a piece worth re reading.
This was actually a good battle. Put aside all the muzzle hate I gotta give this to him.
I always give my vote to effort. Muzzle tried. Greed just showed up.


Vote muzzle....im drunk.

[Camp Bell]

see, let me start by saying, i really didnt like either cuz i felt both
got away from the picture. not sure what muzzle was saying, by
not saying and greed verse was just a few nice rhyme schemes
that never translated for me, as far as the pic was concerned. i
want to be able to leave a decently explained vote but i cant, so..


vote:muzzle

[Split]

Greed smoked crack and keyed. Muzzl3 went to a dark place no one wanted to go.


Muzzl3. Don't vote on my battles. Thought your butterfly metaphor was worth focusing, was reminiscent of the butterfly effect and seemed to follow the trope of order out of chaos from inception/conception/ an initial spark. No standout rhymes or aesthetic aspect to your cadence or rhythm. Seems like you put a lot of filler and internal rhymes in a blender and threw it on the page. Storywise, it approached cohesiveness. You need to edit your shit.

Not like, tweak lines and words and ideas and prune the garden of WTF sprouting from your urinal cake muzzle. But like, cut that shit down to size brah. Lengthwise and widthwise, just way too many words and way too much unnecessary content. Either you're trying to tell too much of a story, or you're adding extraneous details. Write some haikus for fucks sake.


Greed.
This was like a salvia overdose mid-DMT trip. Not good & no idea what you were going for. Seemed like a Jesusgodflex. Pretty lame & common fare, even if you posted this in the OM. Focus on rhyming less and making your thoughts and story understood more.


V/ Muzzle. Don't vote on my battles.

[Adonis]

I got muzzel here although I don't think either verse was anything to cheer for in brute honesty. One had heaps of rhymes, no real rhyme scheme just packing lines with as much end rhymes as possible. The other was pretty much a never ending story until it ended abruptly. The writing in all honesty wasn't horrid, but there is much room for improvement. I guess I can say you conveyed some sort of somber emotion well

V/Muzz

[King Ra.]

Probably the weirdest match up of the week. Nice to see Greed on the topical side of things, though, you could certainly use a lot more practice. Muzzle, you story was overly wordy. Rather than focus primarily on your concept, you seemed to just spray the canvas with a bunch of words to make this look like something of an epic (only I can pull that off by the way) but, in reality, you over did things a bit. The length of your lines & the near generic scheme of your piece really hindered this from being really good. I didn't like much from your first stanza but the last two parts were okay. The overall theme of your story wasn't that captivating, but it did have it's moments. Greed, you started off pretty good, but then after those first couple of lines, idk what happened. You probably could have gotten more votes if you managed to put together a more cohesive piece. There just wasn't much to be desired after the first couple of lines. It started reading more like an open mic flex than a topical/story. Hopefully, this was just a warm up.


MVGT: theMuzzl3. Good job by both competitors.

[King Ra.]

theMuzzl3 wins, 7-1. Closed.