WEEK 7: NoetiC vs Blue Bayou BB WINS

[Inno]

GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE


@NoetiC @Blue Bayou

Max line: 30

Min: 10

Check in: 48 hours after thread post

Due date: May 8, 2020 11:59 EST TIME

GOODLUCK!

[Blue Bayou]

I signed out the final day , but I can appreciate if that was lost in translation

I'll get something up

Welcome Noe FX

[NoetiC]

nice. checking in.




so, we are writing a verse based off the picture?

[NoetiC]

sent down by God, almighty in its guise
to purify your thoughts with actions justified
classified as redemption, these signs of aggression
are a glimpse of whats to come, without indiscretion
a blessing some would say, the end is getting close
the signs are all around you, the scheme is grandiose
bellicose in their actions, now fathom the stochastic
brain dead netcees tryin be enthusiastic
its drastic, or worse, this verse got a curse
bathed in a flow baptized by a church
as the search tests the rates of survivability
we know the results before they were revealed to be
that everyone is stuck, hope is lost and gone
fiegning inspiration from Bibles, Tripitakas, and Qur'ans?
its beyond any faith, the evidence is lucid
cause God thinks text rappers are polluted
the fluid in your body, is toxic and degenerates
coagulated flows over time excommunicate
thats why ur never happy, dejected and disphoric
its like you forget where the lines in your mind have been sorted
metaphoric symbols, esoteric visions
will all point to god if you look with a precision
divisions of excisions based on the decision
to liquidate ur thoughts by habitat demolition
as interventions lost, text leagues will be the start
and you did it to yourselves, so god has left you in the dark
the darkness that is I, the blackest of the void
staring at the screen as i tactically employ
a technical ploy, you'll be stuck in a shock
cause no writer defends, when gods evil descends, and sends you writer's block

[Blue Bayou]

Ext

I'll match

[Blue Bayou]

i want you to think about your life for a mo’
not this moment in time, what it’s been like as a whole
got it? now dig deeper thru all the embers
what’s the single most, oldest memory that u can remember?
i remember mine well, on my back under an apple tree
gentle breeze across my cheek looking past the leaves
sky so blue it’s like it was on a mission to move me
my first deep intrinsic feeling & recognition of beauty
i think that’s probably why it’s always stayed with me
why ive always been drawn to fiction & the make believe
looking into lifes mysteries with a pint of bourbon
the unexplainable & what’s behind the curtain
why I’ve always felt so deeply with my heart on my sleeve
why my mouth always smiles at the start of a dream
what’s your memory guys? think about it in haste tonight
im guessing once you have it you’ll realize it’s shaped ya life
It’s so important to never lose your boyish wonderment
keep it at the surface & ignore the noise that’s under it
think about it next time your being loud in a crowd
would your childhood self look at you now and be proud?
i hope the answers yes and you’re safe in your role
if it’s not, I bet you’ve stopped dreaming & its taken its toll
& it’s time to make some changes, enough with the old
take some time for reflection and get in touch with your soul
imagination’s crucial, you gotta have it in spades
always work to stay connected to it, no matter your age

[Scar]

noetic, ok this is a verse about writing which fits the picture perfectly. there were mentions of curse so i'm assuming the big creature behind the writer is that curse. The style here is very punchy. like the lines comes off as punchlines which was very cool. i'm just a little unclear on what this verse was really about. there are self referential stuff like actually talking about text then there were stuff about god and things like that and im just like what's going on? its highly likely that im just me not cultured enough to get it but i do like the style of writing. very nice.

blue, glad you were able to get it in this week my man. yo this was dope in its simplicity. You didn't try to go all metaphorical or elaborate with the story, the verse seems to be about the honesty and genuineness of youth. As someone who looks back often, i find lots to like about this verse. Its sad in its longing, but inspirational in its (re)discovery you know? awesome.

i think both verse had this quirky style about it but i think from sheer entertainment and relatability, i have to go with blue bayou

v/ blue

[Bodey]

noetic- if this was about being cursed with writer's block so much that god can't even stop it, then i relate lol. seemed like a quick scribble though, like it doesn't seem like you put too much thought into the big picture, substance-wise. it flowed nice, rhymed- but it wasn't really digging much deeper. i will say that i liked the end, cuz all week that's been me: starin at the screen, and getting caught in the darkness of writer's block man. welcome, btw.

blue- It’s so important to never lose your boyish wonderment
keep it at the surface & ignore the noise that’s under it
think about it next time your being loud in a crowd
would your childhood self look at you now and be proud?
i liked this part the best. enjoyed the picture that you painted, it was like you sat us all down and kicked your wisdom. it's cool to see you writin in this style

v-Blue --his verse just held my interest more, where noetic's verse was more abstract. i like verses that i can easily put a picture to, that have descriptive details. thanks for the read guys

[Adverse]

Was a fan of this battle gentlemen think you both brought a different approach to life but neither was bad. Noetic was more straightforward in relating to the picture topic, yet abstract in writing and I think Blue showed a contrast to that. Made for an interesting matchup.

Blue - Loved the nostalgic aspects of your verse, I connected with them and as a reader those flashback images kind of anchored your verse for me. I loved the descriptiveness of it all my favorite bit was

what’s the single most, oldest memory that u can remember?
i remember mine well, on my back under an apple tree
gentle breeze across my cheek looking past the leaves
sky so blue it’s like it was on a mission to move me
my first deep intrinsic feeling & recognition of beauty
i think that’s probably why it’s always stayed with me
why ive always been drawn to fiction & the make believe

That resonated with me a lot and I really enjoyed it.

Noetic:
This was a solid first showing in the league, you came up the gate swinging like the rhyming and vocab in the first few bars were bonkers, I was impressed by the way you were crafting them together but then it just started to slouch a bit and drag it’s feet. I liked the idea just some of the execution needed some work. If you wrote more bars akin to your first 8 you’d have made this match closer imo

V/Blue wrote a compelling narrative throughout and was just sharper imo. Good bout fellas

[Clutbuck]

The topic image to me screams some kind of dark cloud, be that suicide or depression or mental illness etc, sucking the lifeblood out of the sufferer slowly but surely. I don’t think it offers a great deal creativity wise as it almost sets the parameters for you to write within, so it could interesting to see how each writers flips (or executes) this one. I guess it could even be Coronavirus which could be a fun take. Let’s see how you guys have it...

Noetic - I always enjoy a more shorter lined piece, it gives your verse an implied rhythmic cadence that really helps the ‘flow’ in text which I’m a huge fan of. I thought the idea of this applying to Netcees was quite a creative one, I almost overlooked the guy being sat at a computer when I looked at the image, choosing to focus more so on the opposite side of the topic with this huge dark cloud hanging over him so I found that enjoyable. You deliberately didn’t focus too much on there until the final third of the verse when you then reveal that the dark cloud is yourself - send down from God to destroy these textcees through writers block haha! I actually enjoyed this way more than I should, it was original and creative and utilised the topic image well. Your vocabulary was crazy also with the use of “bellicose” and “stochastic” etc but it never took me out of the read, which is important, as quite often you can lead too heavily one way and it can de to your detriment but you walked a fine line here and it came off. I especially liked the brevity in lines like this one:

metaphoric symbols, esoteric visions

with its “less is more,” approach - but it works. Very refined penmanship IMO.


Blue Bayou: I thought the tone of the writers voice, speaking to the reader, was employed very well. The opening couplet in particular also has a rhyme scheme that flips back on itself, I don’t know if anyone else caught that, but I see it here:

i want you to think about your life for a mo’
not this moment in time, what it’s been like as a whole

The “life for a mo” is reverse-multied into “moment in time” and then flipped back again into “like as a whole,”. I don’t know if that was intentional or not, it could well not have been, but I’m inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt here and say that it was.

The conversational tone to it was done well, and then the imagery brought out an opportunity for some world building that again allowed you to build you on it by injecting some personality into the piece - speaking on your own experiences and what lead you to this moment of self-discovery. It creates a universal tangibility we will all relate to in some way, for sure, and it wasn’t an idea that directly came to me when I first viewed your topic image.

I think in terms of the topic provided, Blue went and used the picture more loosely in his interpretation, using it as the motivation to something else entirely while Noetic’s immerses itself firmly in what is seen. That said, I found Blue’s to be the more entertaining verse of the two as a complete whole and offered more in its bigger picture rendition that Noetic’s did, its direction was more focused, the execution was a lot cleaner and more easily accessible (to me) and that’s ultimately what decided this for me in the end - both were relatively even matched outside of that factor to be truthful.

Vote - Blue Bayou

[Johnny 6 feet]

Noetic- All hail the holy buffalo! This felt like you were speaking to the reader directly about the nature and the struggle of being a writer. If this is you speaking on a personal level I can relate, especially about the curse of writer's block. You linked the topic to the picture clearly and backed it up with well worded vocab. Felt there was a few filler lines here and there, but the religious theme running through it was a fresh idea that more than compensated.

Blue Bayou- I liked this. Another piece which read as if you were speaking to the reader directly. You kept your sense of rhythm from start to finish without a slip, and the compound rhymes never seemed forced. You painted a clear picture in your subject choice of memory, and relating that to a philosophy about life in general was uplifting and inspired. Good to see a positive piece in a topical league where we often see dark (but great) themed verses.

Vote- Blue

[Inno]

Noetic

Interesting take on the topic for sure. You chose to focus on the idea more son than the picture itself which was a clever way to use the pic. You also tied it to NETCEES which was fitting to the picture to a T. Your wording and rhyming was outstanding aswell which gave off some dope imagery. I gotta say though you lost me a couple of times through out the story. Seemed like you jumped in an out trying to make it complex. You brought it all together in the end but I could of used more meat for that ending if that makes sense. It didn’t come off as natural as it should. Anyway this was a creative and clever verse man props for that definitely an enjoyable read.


Blue


Your writing had a sense of calm to me. It read like a camp story being told for caution to those willing to hear. It was abstract in nature but direct with its message, thought that was a cool aspect to your verse. Gotta say you took a more loose road to describing the picture but it wasn’t a scenic route but more of a out of the way secrete path if that makes sense. The tone of the piece I think is what stood out for me. You kept it stoic through out and didn’t falter with the rhythm. Enjoyed this piece for sure.


Overall

Man this is a tough one for me. One hand blue came with some a dope message to his story while noetic came with a more direct yet clever approach. This one definitely comes down to preference as it could go either way for me here. Honestly I have to give credit to noetic for the clever take on the topic. I loved blues entire piece but I think noetic took a big chance and it payed off I’m my eyes. I got noetic by a hair. Great battle fellas foreal!


Noetic