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Old 10-05-2024, 06:37 AM   #1
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Exclamation ATT Round One: MMLP vs Inno - OPEN FOR VOTES!



Welcome, boils and ghouls, to the AOWL TAKEOVER TOURNAMENT 2024!

We have eight competitors with their eye on the semi-finals round. Only four will progress. Do you have what it takes to survive?

Due Dates:

Verses this week are due Thursday and will be open until Sunday.
Battles that lack votes may close later.
One sided battles may get closed early.
Extensions are 24 hours

Line Limit: 16 Minimum, 32 Maximum

Topic:





@MMLP @Inno
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Old 10-06-2024, 01:14 AM   #2
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Old 10-07-2024, 06:06 AM   #3
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Default Grass isnt always Greener

IMG-2080.jpg
An introvert amongst all the invertebrates.
Who would seldom ask for any help,
tides would begin to turn, altering my inner workings,
shaping the hands that I was dealt.
Required no backbone to stand up for myself or my streaky neighbours.
Basking in this pelagic environment of freedom chasers.
The clumpy coral reefs were radiant with the weedy ageless algae scattering the scenery,
It was a sea of green for acres on this continental plate.
Would frequently dream of greatness, wishing to be the one that got away!
Often contemplating as to what’s above, on the other side.
Our state abode, a commonplace in which over compensated the status quo.
Meaning the offer in my change of role was justified.
So I’d brush aside, those who wouldn’t fly with me as I pushed the furthest.
My approach, unsportsmanlike as glowing summer skies seeped through the water’s surface.
The light above the murkiest bight was the eye-opener in truth.
A multipurpose mollusc now imbued with resolve and no moment to lose.
Finding a fund of purpose, hope was totally renewed.
With a clear motive to pursue then its mission complete.
My wish was to flee, but as I focused on the blue.
That’s when I noticed a balloon which gleamed, it was my golden opportunity
Awarded with an open ticket to freedom, with the target ahead.
Without skipping a beat, I would depart from the rest.
As this monstrous fleshy, cherry tomato ascends through the air bubbles and froth.
Was a martyr who harnessed the strength to conquer the depths whilst thrusting aloft
Jumping along the mass of the ocean with a rapturous leap
but at what cost?
This watery coated glass was my ceiling that I’d shattered to pieces
But as I breached the aquatic region, I began struggling to gasp
Arms fully clenched, wrapping all these tentacles and clutching on the band.
Open-mouthed when coming across land, I was soon in awe.
Without knowing this gulp, would be my last
It turned out all to be a sham. Consortiums, be careful what you wish for

Last edited by MMLP; 10-10-2024 at 11:24 AM.
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Old 10-10-2024, 08:37 PM   #4
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Why do the lost search to be found?
Always reaching amongst the crowd
seeking for destiny in a different world.
Perching themselves along stars that don't belong to them.
Trying to breach a new horizon on a whim.
Is it a useless task to want something different
To change the stripes giving to another pigment.
Evolution tells us it's human nature,
Change is imminent and always consistent.
Is that why it's such a difficult target
They tell us aim to be ourselves,
That statement couldn't be more ironic.

For most the road trekked is solid stone
The path taken chosen long before your born.
But destiny is such an uncertain theme
If destiny is certain then what's the use of a dream
For what then do humans reach for the stars
When the dreams you grip onto only leave scars
Only create more wounds wanting to heal
Puncturing through hopes thin vale
Until you find yourself another cog in the wheel.
Among the gallons of water, another drop in the pale.

Monotony takes control and it's routine
Tick goes the tock lost in pendulum' swing.
How funny a thing, life is a character in your comedy.
Laughing at your fickle dream of changing the theme.
Mocking the stupid hope you cling to
Destiny is so heavy, is it worth it to sink to?

If losing my self is the only way to be found
Then I'll search for an eternity with my ear to the ground.
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Old 10-11-2024, 12:38 PM   #5
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This is a great battle. Both fire.

MmLP

As this monstrous fleshy, cherry tomato ascends through the air bubbles and froth.
Was a martyr who harnessed the strength to conquer the depths whilst thrusting aloft
Jumping along the mass of the ocean with a rapturous leap
but at what cost?
This watery coated glass was my ceiling that I’d shattered to pieces

This is the best part of your verse to me. The imagery and vocabulary were your strong points here. The flow was slightly choppy to me but you made up for it in creativity and vocab as I mentioned. But the part I quoted had the greatest flow

You did really amazing especially with such a non descriptive image to go off. Really great drop!

Inno

When the dreams you grip onto only leave scars
Only create more wounds wanting to heal
Puncturing through hopes thin vale
Until you find yourself another cog in the wheel.
Among the gallons of water, another drop in the pale.

This got better and better as it went on. I got the feeling you began as a sort of freewrite until a story formed in your mind. And it came together very well. Even the pathless feeling in the beginning flowed very well and you developed a complete and coherent verse and I really fucked with it.

This comes down to rhythm to me as both pieces had their strengths and weaknesses, but mvgt Inno

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Old 10-11-2024, 02:19 PM   #6
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m:
loved the approach the style right off the bat the rhyme through stretched at times was never forced and your narration was off the hook.. this tight little writers voice that really puts you in the characters shoes as so they would say.. your description was fire even though the story was lacking it was still present.. i like that the little sea urchin just wanted to fly.. it takes some time even in evolution but it was a cute take and a well delivered child like story that matched the pictured.. well done..

in:
the inner workings of this piece is dope tighter structure but not too tight again.. the narrators piece of mind really was clean and interesting, inelegant which gave for a smooth read.. i love the puzzle this characters facing about dreams soo relevant to everyday life.. well done.. i love its life lesson.. pretty sweet overall verse very compound clean and fun to read with a dark overtone..

vote = inno

close because of rhyme structure was nearly identical in parts the only real determining factor was the style and delivery of such.. i think inno just edged it out with his more topical based piece in this one
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Old 10-11-2024, 02:53 PM   #7
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h

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Old 10-12-2024, 10:01 AM   #8
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This was my favourite topic/image of the round by far. It’s whimsical and lends itself easily to a really fun verse with a direct interpretation, but can also symbolize something more abstract and work just as well for a moodier more philosophical entry. It’s cool that we got one of each here.

MMLP -
Like others I was a little thrown by the unconventional rhyme schemes at first. Headless is right though - they are not absent, just organized differently to the norm. Re-reading sections again after realizing where the rhymes are (and remembering to pronounce some words with an English accent), it’s fine. And in fact the rhyming is quite strong for the most part, often dense and multi layered. I do think a more consistent, predictable, “bouncy” rhythm would have suited the tone of this piece better though.
Onto the content, - this was so fun. The narrative flow and vivid imagery were really engaging. A lot of the descriptors were good, but “multipurpose mollusc” and “fleshy cherry tomato” were both absolutely fucking delightful. Then there were also little wordplays like the backbone line that were well done, and some Easter eggs like referring to the yellow coloured balloon as a golden opportunity. This was an absolute pleasure to read.


Inno -
It’s interesting that you also employed a non standard rhyme scheme here. Your shorter lines and more consistent rhythm made that easier to follow from the jump though, and the rhythm/placement of line breaks suited the more poetic, introspective tone of this piece well. The rhymes themselves were fine, but not quite as good as MMLP.
Content wise, I think exploring philosophical questions like this can be risky, even without the constraints of meter and rhyme. It requires a delicate touch to not fall into either cliched writing or pontification. There’s a lot of ways for me to get the urge to roll my eyes in verses like this, but you succeeded completely in avoiding it. You raise some interesting questions about the nature of destiny, dreams and self identity. Like MMLP you also had lines that were clever plays on elements of the picture, like “breach a new horizon” and the use of water based idioms “drop in the pale amongst gallons of water”, “is it worth it to sink to?”.

This was a really good battle. Both verses were quite good, but really different. Which makes this kind of an apples vs oranges situation, and difficult to choose a winner. Mechanics wise I’d score this a tie - MMLP had the better rhymes but Inno had a rhythm that better suited his piece and one which was more consistent and easier to follow. Content wise it’s less about quality of writing and more about what *kind* of writing the voter wants to read. Is it a fun, story driven interpretation of the image, or to dive into broader existential questions about meaning and change?

For me, it’s the former in this instance.

I’m voting for MMLP.
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Old 10-12-2024, 11:22 AM   #9
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MMLP - dope. i have to echo Headless comment on the flow. I thought the flow was dope. its subtle but its there in abundance. So i take it that this verse is about our penchant to rise above where we are and on the way we discards those who prefers a more modest or stationary lifestyle, thus giving of a vibe of...

Quote:
My approach, unsportsmanlike
but really youre just trying to better self. i dug the concept and really dug the flow. well done, brozzy.

inno - i'll touch on the rhyming first. Its very clean but very basic in the beginning. Then you switched the flow to some dope shit. dug it! I really liked the concept also. a sliver of the destiny vs choice debate which i always appreciate. dope. my only qualm was i didnt really get where you stand in the debate. I may have been there but it was a bit ambiguous in my eyes.

vote/Inno. I think flow and rhyming wise it was pretty neck and neck but i felt inno's verse was a more interesting read so i cast my vote to him
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Old 10-13-2024, 03:13 AM   #10
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MVGT MMLP

MMLP
Best lines:
Awarded with an open ticket to freedom, with the target ahead.
Without skipping a beat, I would depart from the rest.

there's a few couplets that are dope like this, this was just my fave. I couldn't land on any full four that did it for me - you have a weird internal rhyme/ending rhyme interrupt pretty often and it was damaging the flow for me.

I think this was a really great literal take on the topic, while also giving it meat and depth, but still maintaining significant focus on the simplicity of the topic.

dope work.

Inno
best lines:
Monotony takes control and it's routine
Tick goes the tock lost in pendulum' swing.

this had a few rhymes that fucked me up - difficult target / be more ironic took me a bit to find, and shit like that interrupts a smooth read.

this was a little more abstract (but in a bad, neutral, bland way) take on the topic and did you no favours against a more colourful/vibrant topic.

despite the rhymes that threw me off, this was BOTW for me.
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Old 10-14-2024, 12:17 PM   #11
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THIS ONE IS CLOSE! We got anyone else around to help vote on this one?
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Old 10-14-2024, 03:35 PM   #12
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Last edited by sral; 10-14-2024 at 03:38 PM.
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Old 10-14-2024, 05:37 PM   #13
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Close battle
both verse depth Complexity in both verse
I felt like MMLP verse overall more creative compare to Inno

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Old 10-14-2024, 06:21 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Headless Verseman View Post
h
I’m not entirely sure why Headless is attempting to disrupt proceedings by editing out his vote, but here is was:

Quote:
Before I vote- I want to dispell the myth that mmlp had a bad flow or rhyme scheme- he didn't, he just chose a mix of aabb and abab which if you are only used to reading text rap it isn't as intuitive, but if you read poetry and the like you see far more of it and can appreciate the tempo and cadence



----


MMLP

I really enjoyed your direct approach. It was kind of a weird topic photo- and you did really well with it.

ABAB Rhyme scheme

An introvert amongst all the invertebrates.
Who would seldom ask for any help,
tides would begin to turn, altering my inner workings,
shaping the hands that I was dealt.

I like the start, the irony of "shaping the hands that I was dealt" when you don't have any hands.


Required no backbone to stand up for myself or my streaky neighbours.
Basking in this pelagic environment of freedom chasers.

I really enjoyed these two lines- "streaky neighbors"- I'm assuming was an ink reference, I could be wrong but that's how I read it. Loved the 2nd line- pelagic- I think most people only know the general understanding of it being "open ocean" but it goes far more specifically to not on the bottom, and not on shore- but in between. I fish for pelagic fish lol one of my favorites being milkfish. They eat algae flies.


The clumpy coral reefs were radiant with the weedy ageless algae scattering the scenery,
It was a sea of green for acres on this continental plate.
Would frequently dream of greatness, wishing to be the one that got away!
Often contemplating as to what’s above, on the other side.
Our state abode, a commonplace in which over compensated the status quo.

I love the visuals of "clumpy coral reefs", "weedy ageless algae"


As this monstrous fleshy, cherry tomato ascends through the air bubbles and froth.
Was a martyr who harnessed the strength to conquer the depths whilst thrusting aloft

This was really great

The only part I didn't really enjoy was the ending- I didn't think it was rushed or incomplete, just that it didn't finish as nicely as you started and continued throughout.

8.5/10 I thought mixing up the rhyme scheme was a nice break, and you had great visuals. I also loved the directness in telling a story from the photo.

----

Inno

To change the stripes giving to another pigment.
Evolution tells us it's human nature,
Change is imminent and always consistent.
Is that why it's such a difficult target
They tell us aim to be ourselves,
That statement couldn't be more ironic.

I thought this was the best part of your entire piece. change stripes another pigment- that was cool. change is constant, ie consistent.


For most the road trekked is solid stone
The path taken chosen long before your born.
But destiny is such an uncertain theme
If destiny is certain then what's the use of a dream

I don't like how disconnected this piece feels towards the source material. I'm for all abstractions, but I don't feel the anchor point with this. It just seems like a stream of consciousness/free verse. I also don't like it starting with a road less travelled flip.

Monotony takes control and it's routine
Tick goes the tock lost in pendulum' swing.

Back to being really well written- I thought this was really cool. It's still feels disconnected, but I like the two lines and the way you wrote them.


7.3/10 I thought this was a mix of some really cool lines and a lot of nothing else, it just feels like an after thought to the photo.


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Old 10-14-2024, 06:22 PM   #15
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4-3 MMLP

Can we get any more?
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Old 10-15-2024, 02:13 AM   #16
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Sorry guys. I tried for you. @MMLP wins 4-3.
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