Round Two: Johnny 6-Feet vs Ullr - JOHNNY 6-FEET WINS!

[sral]

Welcome, boils and ghouls!

This is the second round of the biggest topical tournament in the Netcees calendar year. 8 remain. 4 will progress. 32 lines separating you and the losers bench. Do not disappoint. We have replacements on hand ready to fill-in on short notice, you WILL get a battle so please do not assume your opponent is no-showing. It’s go hard or home.

This is it.

Check-in’s are due: Weds 16th September 9pm UK time.

Verses are due: Sunday 20th September 9pm UK time.

The bracket and topics were randomly assigned thanks to Zuch. Your topic is:
@Johnny 6-feet
@Ullr

[Johnny 6 feet]

Checking in.

[Ullr]

Check, best of luck Johnny!

[Johnny 6 feet]

Crawl out from the Fall Out

They say war never changes, and that's the golden line
Which cemented the legacy of humanity's whole decline
The day came all our destructive stupidity rolled into one
It turned out the real God was Ra: hot as a nuclear sun
So as exponential growth led to exponential scarcity
What is commonplace becomes a luxury; a luxury becomes a rarity
Fear and propaganda: the gangbang that left us fucked twice
Leaving brother to kill brother for some overcooked rice
Then the fire filled the sky from political complications
And left 99% of us swimming in radiation
But rats abandoned ship; switched it to an iron tub
The underground vaults, the government's lion cubs
While the rest of us stayed on the surface reaping everything they sinned for
Making snowmen out of ashes in this nuclear winter
Cookie crumb trails of body parts, blood in the breeze
Dignity's death led to levels sank to you wouldn't believe
Concrete walls replaced by scrap metal, criminals, sunburned, skin cracked rebels
Gasoline is the new gold, for clean water that goes treble
Giga counters are the new phones, in debates bullets are true facts
Thanks to our friends at Hazmat now yellow's the new black
Some became the subjects of mass experiments
Mutated, enraged, escaped, smashed the evidence
Organisations arose, new brotherhoods felt heaven-sent
Some were so evil that tried to render the past irrelevant
This is the fallout of a world some 200 years on
Where worst fears are realised and survivors peer from
Vacuum packed bunkers beneath the searing sun
Or from junk towns patched together, protected by fearless guns
This is the crystal ball, the future soon to make the front pages
Forget war, it's human nature...

...human nature never changes

[Ullr]

Arisen from the Ashes...

The smell of smoke was rife as the rifle spoke its truth -
That hell we called a life, missile strikes along the roof
History erased as the shells eject the chamber -
This planet: barren waste, acid melting the remainder

They warned us of the cost of war but selfishness proved greater
All that we had left was faith, left begging for a savior...

The atmosphere grew toxic, grown from years of our neglect
And drove us into drought, drawing fear and disrespect
It's clear from this perspective, the past we all escaped
What the mirror was reflecting was a ghastly fallen shape...

We found ourselves retreating, descending into bunkers
The air unfit for breathing, tearing settlements asunder
We meddled with our Mother, and for that we paid the price
The elements, the thunder, raining wrath and blades of ice...

But we never did surrender, and fought on despite the odds
Cursing heaven as we ventured, and stayed strong to spite the gods
We synthesized the flora, made it hearty and resistant
We improvised, exploring with technological assistance...

Any obstacle was simply part and parcel of persistence
We manufactured food, fighting hard for our existence

Draping lands with plants and roots that evolved within our systems
Digitally printed, viny walls that sprawled the distance

Soon we reemerged, with trees to filter the contagion -
The twisted roots protected us, thus we built within them nations
filthy skin and faces, yet so skilled with preservation
We rose up from the ashes, thus rebuilding desolation

Desiccated corpses in the wastes where darkness looms
Kept on pressing and exploring, given grace, our gardens grew
Despite our decimated forces, though every space is carcass strewn
We'll keep fighting 'til we make it, and replace this spartan tomb
Sewing grains within remains once the graves are all exhumed
We'll be the phoenix of our Species, and from the flames we'll crawl anew...

[Adverse]

This is kind of hard to call imo, both topics kind of walk the same line, it sort of reminded me of mine and Inno’s battle last round where the topics were gone about in such a similar way. But I’ll try my best to pick a winner

Johnny - play fallout much? Lol this seemed really inspired by there, or maybe fallout is very inspired by other apocalyptic cliches? Whatever the case may be this read pretty smooth flow wise but it felt kind of bare bones to what I’m used to seeing from you, maybe I’ve just got high expectations for your quality of work and you having family issues this week probably didn’t help, this just felt sort of like a first draft to me? The narrative kind of ran circles around itself, I don’t think the story really advanced you described the aftermath well but as for like where mankind ends up as they move on is kind of left up in the air, my favorite instance of imagery is “making snowmen out of the ashes of Nuclear winter” there was some great stuff here but didn’t feel like it ended up anywhere towards the end. I did like your last statement though

Ullr - Your verse started out a lot like johnny’s, you described the aftermath well, I liked some of your vocabulary choices and the imagery was there, how I think your verse differentiates from Johnny is that you kind of used the second part of the picture as well which is mankind moving forward despite this tragedy. How they started to rebuild and “grow their gardens” once again I liked the language like ‘resistant’ and ‘perseverance’ here because it showed mankind’s ability to move on and just how adaptable of a creature they are. Thought this was solid and though I feel like you ran in circles a little bit as well you had an endgame

I liked both verses decently they both had good things about them, I’m more of a character study, story oriented writer and I like reading that kind of piece usually while neither of you had that here instead opting for a bigger picture perspective I thought Ullr did a better job of telling a story and not just describing nuclear aftermath, I liked the rebuilding and restoring towards the end he gets my vote props for both showing

V/Ullr

[sral]

Dope battle, gentleman.

Johnny: I think the title was more aimed at a nuclear fall out shelter than the game Fall Out, I could be wrong of course as I’m not familiar with the game at all but that’s what I got from it. Lol. The opening line is a great attention grabber, laying your stall out early for what’s to come but also kind of ominous so as the reader doesn’t know quite where it’s going to go. It keeps them intrigued. I enjoyed the tie-in of Ra and the nuclear sun, almost bridging the past with the dystopian future somewhat which was a deft touch, I would have actually enjoyed more of that angle had it been fleshed out I feel. The exponential growth / exponential scarcity was worded really well.. the follow up line was a nice idea also, I enjoyed it. The “gangbang” and “fucked twice” seemed to be a little out of place given the overall tone of the piece up until that point and the language used, I wasn’t so sure about the inclusion of that couplet, the snowmen our of the ashes of a nuclear winter was worded very well and quotable for sure - great use of visual imagery there. The closing lines were good too, I feel overall this was a solid submission. You did very well.

Ullr: From the jump I fucked with your verse in terms of its mechanics and technical proficiency, the implied rhythm carries it earlier on, the constant use of “we” helped a lot in building a connection with the reader directly - almost like it was you and them against the world - and I picked up on that. Deftly done I might add. It gets the reader on your side. Through the middle and towards the end, it opened up for you to utilise more visual imagery and world building - I think you nailed the aftermath effects well, but Johnny perhaps had the edge in that department. His snowman from the nuclear ashes is fire. MCD would be proud of that one. I’m almost divided between you both here, with Johnny having the stronger submission in terms of his wording, imagery, and overall execution for me - but Ullr excelling in all together different areas by bringing the better flow and implied rhythm to his, rhyme placement helping a lot in that regard, having the shorter and more condensed lines helped in that regard also but also in terms of pure mechanics and technical display. It’s a tough one, to be truthful, as I would usually lean more heavily toward the mechanics driven show but it’s hard to look past the imagery Johnny brought out here when coupled with his wording that made for the more standout lines throughout - his opener, the luxury becomes a rarity, his snowman from the ashes of nuclear winter, the closing line etc - they were nothing strong submissions, in their respective areas, but I find myself drawn more to Johnny’s from a stylistic standpoint and ultimately I’m going with my gut here. Call it personal preference, the one I found more entertaining, the one I enjoyed more overall of the two or which I found the more memorable after reading them both.

Call it what you want, but that’s what lead to my decision here.

Vote - Johnny 6-Feet

Good battle, fellas! Keep those pens moving!

[Pharaohs Army]

Johnny
Imagery: 10
Phrasing: 9
Story/Narrative: 7
Flow: 9
Tempo/Meter: 7
Rhymes/Multis: 8
"What comes next" appeal: 10

60/70

Ullr
Imagery: 9
Phrasing: 8
Story/Narrative: 7
Flow: 8
Tempo/Meter: 10
Rhymes/Multis: 10
"What comes next" appeal: 8

60/70

Both went in interestingly similar direction. Tied, so this is a pick'um-- to me.
As I type this I just know that Johnny's story resonated with me more, pulled me in more, hit me harder, however you wanna say it. Better descriptions and imagery.
But Ullr's story was better technically and had some good rhyme schemes.
Yes, and many more rhymes as I look at it yet again.
Quite a tough pick.
Ullr's is a great piece of writing which would win most weeks but Johnny's imagery and
Gasoline is the new gold...
Giga counters are the new phones
in the verse is really great.

Gonna go with Johnny by the slimmest of margins.

[Adverse]

Yoooo
@Universe @dead man @Inno @Bladed Thesis @Zuchiefiasco @MMLP @Hush @Objective @Razah @big baby @ACTIVATE SELF anyone care to vote and move us on to the next round?

[UPN Zuch]

I’m gonna go Johnny here

This was really close and I think both you guys brought some good stuff.


It’s a great pic and I think you guys took advantage. Liked the angle Johnny went a little more and just a style preference for me.

Ullr it sucks because that verse was good and you deserve to move on too but I think Johnny was slightly more polished here.


Good battle guys

[Universe]

Alright, I'll keep it short and sweet guys.

Both were great verses. Seemed like it could be a collab actually. Ullr is dope af, and was amazing technically. Johnny edged the straight storytelling aspects though.

Pretty even all the way through... but I'll give it to Johnny just for his Fallout flip alone. Tugged at my heartstrings lol.

Vote - J6F

Johnny wins. Close it up.