01-30-2019, 05:51 PM | #1 |
Badgerdick
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 22685548 |
being. deadman
the stagger home of a drunkard. passed with no introduction
Battletoads into lunch with the smell of casserole in the oven cooked yesterdays. lit tomorrow’s. quick to follow happiness is a model ship. I spotted it within a bottle drink to wallow in my own filth. Netflix, no chill got a phone bill where I owe zilch. my posts real oatmeal molehills for breakfast. i spoon fed you my lies with a pearl necklace in mind. the thought semen-ted inside ever the bridesmaid, never the groom. gender confused textbook buffoon, social justice warrior millennial fool brexit is cool. recyclings fun. try it for once eco brick modular furniture. plastic by-products suck life of a humous-eating fuckin’ vegan. save ur sympathy text picking at vegetables. is it any wonder I wish I was dead quick to contest a grammar nazi. google genius in waiting fair trade coffee shop revolutionary meaningless statements i need a vacation. i need a vocation. can’t be jobless forever logically whether I like it or not it’s time I got it together constantly never acting my age. puerile Peter Pan feeling angst under my mothers ceiling fan. I’ll never be a man easy as @Pharaohs Army |
01-30-2019, 08:51 PM | #2 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
Technical aspects 10 out of 10.
Subject matter and wording 5 or 6 out of 10. You definitely nailed the style. Next time make it about booze, ashtrays, amps, and ennui. |
01-31-2019, 04:54 AM | #3 |
Badgerdick
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 22685548 |
lmao I didn’t realise you were critiquing them
you just said you couldn’t do the technical things so I keyed something to show you how ill do one with more “deadman” content next |
01-31-2019, 01:12 PM | #4 | |
HALL OF FAME
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 16,171
Battle Record: 3-5
Rep Power: 0 |
This is not good.
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Quote:
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02-09-2019, 10:09 PM | #5 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
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Rep Power: 77606676 |
yeah, idk man. i guess? sorta kinda?
its a flattering gesture so thanks
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Zack Wicks for president |
09-12-2020, 11:47 PM | #6 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
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Rep Power: 77606676 |
in retrospect this wasnt all that bad. but bb does it better
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Zack Wicks for president |
09-15-2020, 11:08 PM | #7 |
White Earl
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I enjoyed this as a lars verse.
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
09-16-2020, 08:20 PM | #8 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
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Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
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09-17-2020, 11:27 AM | #9 |
rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 2,145
Rep Power: 0 |
ngl parts were humorous. it was vaguely deadman-y after 'pearl necklace'.
also significantly better than any imitation i remember pharaoh conjuring so, to that end, job done. |
09-17-2020, 12:28 PM | #10 |
Everything's Connected
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Niagara Falls, Canada
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Eŋg is garbage.
That is all.
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..Passed the Present and Future.. |
09-17-2020, 01:42 PM | #11 |
SOBER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 13,052
Battle Record: 2-5
Champed - AOWL Season 2
Rep Power: 85899406 |
aero wrote it
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If I ventured in the slipstream Between the viaducts of your dreams Where immobil steel rims crack And the ditch in the back road stop Could you find me? |
09-17-2020, 09:18 PM | #12 |
rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 2,145
Rep Power: 0 |
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