06-30-2020, 09:55 PM | #1 |
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Champ match: Universe(7-2) vs Johnny 6 feet(4-1) 6 WINS
GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE @Universe @Johnny 6 feet Max line: 50 Min: 10 Check in: 48 hours after thread post DUE DATE: JULY 5th @ 11:59PM EST GOOD LUCK Last edited by Johnny 6 feet; 07-10-2020 at 08:07 AM. |
06-30-2020, 10:01 PM | #2 |
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Check
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07-01-2020, 05:57 AM | #3 |
Everything's Connected
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Check, mate. Good luck :)
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07-04-2020, 01:13 PM | #4 |
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You Have No Idea
*80 line max, as agreed upon. "It's a bizarre but wonderful feeling, to arrive dead center of a target you didn't even know you were aiming for." - Lois McMaster Bujold ...... I. Brainstorming I'm only close minded when I grab a shirt and jeans from the closet Most are many sizes too small if I'm being perfectly honest They're not for me if you want to know, I have seeds of a topic But sometimes when trying to prevent something you inadvertently cause it... I'm searching for words in my office, the rain outside is hectic Staring at my computer, the screen as blank as my expression Infantile reflections lead to unheard of drinking A mute precursor to thinking, my eyes are open - the cursor's blinking... In deep and words are sinking; Shut my laptop, where is my coat? I'm prepared to go yet hoping helicopter parents stayed home My hunting area's known, most pitfalls I fell in alone I checked my cell phone, ignoring yells and groans from the cellar below... II. Abduction I called to the brown haired boy while following behind as he walked I steer into a lot - Writer's Block is where my career took off Was once nearly caught, fear of loss grew as I ran that day In a panicked state, but close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades Back to my brown haired prey, dreaming of his dumb little remains I can't tell if I'm insane or hypnotized by umbrellas and rain Either way, I casually grabbed this kid for a little visit Amid screams of "Plagiarism!" from heinous critics in the distance Shoved him in my Vehicle for success, took the scenic drive down Doors locked without sound, he cried out but the idea's mine now After all possession's nine tenths of the law; I tape and subdue him Restraining movements, this breath of fresh air has made me more human Usually catch youth in my net, grooming a college student's nonsense I position the boy and shoot a stock pic... Call it proof of concept My crude process has more run on sentences than fleeing prisoners I find the boy's microchip, check it quick to see if he's registered... He isn't. Could this get any better? I ain't ignoring what's lacking What do umbrella's protect us from? The boy stuttered, "B-b-rainstorms..." Exactly. I've taken more captives, bystanders that weren't up to my standards for sure My phone vibrates in my hand, I grip it firm - an Amber Alert It's a turn for the worse; Listen boy, when we get inside my room... We'll edit lines and views to make sure no one recognizes you I'm in an enterprising mood. He ain't. It seems momma raised a screamer So I beat his face with a straight edged cleaver and rearranged his features Take it from me junior, together we can inspire these misfits And with fiction, no one will know you weren't mine to begin with... III. Research and Development That evening on TV, crowds gathered around kids with brown hair News reports on a Tragedy Wall - the boy's posters fill the town square These authors are drowning in ideas, outlandish concepts are better shared No surprise that in my Field children are hijacked everywhere... I stroll to my attic of despair, good thing my foundation's stellar I won't bend or break when I drag the boy down to the basement cellar Yeah I've done this before; The window's drapes oddly hindering my view Of an inner truth - and of various small naked bodies littering the room They've been bitten, consumed; And in case you're wondering the truth of this... Each of these children are a stolen idea, published under a pseudonym Hope you've clued in; Some sprawled in waste or landed in their place Chalk outlined their shapes, guess you can say they vanished with a trace In a decomposed state, seems they're abortions awaiting rebirth Steal from a single source it's plagiarism, but steal from a few, it's research BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! There's been knocking at the front all the while I go upstairs, open the door and hear, "I think you stole my child..." IV. Who's Your Daddy? The man said, "I gave the boy his life, it's my right to teach him" "You didn't earn my idea, so unless you looking for a fight, release him." Seems it's too honorable for most to see through ripped clothes But being overprotective will ultimately leave you exposed I go, You left your idea unguarded, talk around town is clear To him the concept was near and dear - we brawl and struggle down the stairs Tumbled to the cutting room floor, there's no time to outline some notes I pulled a knife, sliced his jugular open - who said writer's aren't cut throat? Welcome to my humble abode; The father died while the boy cried, "Daddy!" The man bleeds out in the background - he ain't coming back around sadly You're MY creation like it or not... I'm your daddy now - your savior! He might've thought of you first, but I'm the one who got you down on paper I took what's new and made it old, I ought to confess his role Let it be known... This man on the floor is a story already told... V. Children's Books I had to address my dwelling when fans learned of my ghoulish cellar Planned to pen letters at an autograph signing for my new bestseller A woman with an umbrella entered and said, "I knew I was destined to meet 'cha" "I've written some things myself, but I think I do best as a teacher" She handed me my own book to sign - It's my job to know my readers She asked, "Is it hard to create something from scratch?"... You have no idea... "I DO have one..." A baby girl beside her was slobbering on a soother "Here's my life's work, her name's Amber - I'd be honored if you used her..." Of course the child was invisible, no one could tell she was before me My phone buzzed - a yellow warning; Something compelling was forming... I said to Amber: I'd hate to take your mom's umbrella when it's pouring It's self explanatory, but... I think you'd make one hell of a story... ;) Catch ya later.
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07-04-2020, 06:18 PM | #5 |
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Reign Fall He was the Crown Prince, beloved as a youth by common folk Brave and virtuous, forged in war and cannon smoke Forsaking safety, he stood shoulder to shoulder with his soldiers Waded through seas of mud and blood until his fighting days were over He led the charge at Tuscany, broke the siege at Genoa Sat at dinner with his people, drank to drunk then back to sober By his heart he was guided, he would get to the end For freedom grown in battlefields by the sweat of his men Suffered slings and arrows, swords, all deflected by his pride Delivered condolences to widows, held brave souls as they died A living Hero, held aloft, a true man of the people Hopeful fools he would rule and be damned by his evil At his father's funeral he gave a rousing speech to the masses About how the system was unfair to the downtrodden classes Fantastic promises were made; this was a feel-good medley 'I'll put a chicken in every pot! Hot food in every belly! Your days of hard work are over, to me, you're all family! They'll be tax breaks and cold mead and, excuse my profanity, This is best damned Kingdom on Earth I declare! Let them look on our works, ye mighty, and despair!' The crowning ceremony was a true masterclass in excess Silks and gold, his new bride radiant in her best dress The people felt they were blessed, free from sorrow and fear ....the new taxes were announced in the following year This was no great revelation, we know it resolutely That absolute power, corrupts absolutely Arrogance warped his morals, made his reign a thunderstorm His children's birthdays? National holidays every time one was born Spoiled brats to a child, luxury had made them sick of joy So they took their tantrums out on legions of whipping boys Wives were kidnapped to the keep to fuel the King's raw lust And the chicken in the pots turned to bread and saw dust Draped in robes of his vanity, there was no telling him That the rain of his tyranny grew seeds of rebellion It began as murmured whispers, scraps of parchment being shared Basement congregations where resentment filled the air Base hatred would spawn plots to bring an end his power As a million drops of water poured turns to a shower Murals were scrawled on walls 'Death to Tyrants!' and 'Free our Souls!' Guards on patrols to cover them, offenders tortured in gaols But the impression that they made could be etched in stone In broken trust cracks are seen even after you've set the bone Protests were gathered, angry cries were the chrous: 'We're the ones who cheered you on the throne! You can't ignore us!' The King heard the ceaseless chants and said; 'Their babble is meaningless, But civil disobedience is still disobedience.' Paranoia spouted roots, imagination told twisted fables He hired food tasters and banned knives at the kitchen tables His palace turned into a fortress, the parapets were packed The doors were reinforced and engineers set their traps Chaos crept, the King shivered at the change in the weather Under the protection of his cold stone and iron umbrella The years fell like leaves, and men under his banner flee Cracks appeared on his face to match the cracks in his sanity He rarely appears in public now, in fear of his sovereign nation So his children took the reins to hold up his delegation Revolts eventually were crushed, the bodies hung as a warning While nightmares plagued his dreams, screamed out his lungs every morning About the sky turning red, ravens, blood in his mouth A sea of crimson, tears and sweat making a flood in his house So at sixty, he barely stood, shell of the ghost of himself And one stormy night his daughter raised a toast to his health After his drained his cup to cries of 'To the High King!' Pain tore through his gut like a bolt of lightning He staggered back, gasping, edging into death's shroud As wine sprayed from his mouth in a toxic cloud Sharp knowledge pierced his mind, he'd finally paid for his sins And the bill was written in his children's traitorous grins 'You lived too long father.' His boy's calm was terrible 'We only followed your example. This was inevitable.' His Reign fell, and the water came from his own palace He watered his crops with poison so he harvested malice At the funeral his son gave a rousing speech to the masses... |
07-07-2020, 12:00 AM | #6 |
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Both look beyond 50 lines..I didn't count but man... I am overwhelmed with this.
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07-07-2020, 10:33 PM | #7 |
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I read this twice and honestly I have to let it sink in.
There’s a lot here I need to unpack. Will vote tomorrow Hella of a match fellas |
07-09-2020, 12:48 AM | #8 |
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swear to god making me read through this after a hard day of work IF IT WASN'T SO GOOD ALL THE TIME I'D BE ANGRY
Universe - dope quote, I know several bastardizations of it and love the idea. also wild ride shit, I think this is a hard to write topic (whether or not it's a metaphor), but in general it was well written. either a little to deep or I was adverse to reading in between the lines. Johnny - excellent piece, partial to this kind of fantasy. great story progression and reconnection, touching on the "inevitable"-ness that was strewn throughout. I felt like Universe connected to the topic a lot better, but I'm just not digging the piece. mvgt Johnny |
07-09-2020, 11:31 PM | #9 |
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This was quite different. Both came at the subject with different angles and told a detailed story. One caught and peaked my interest, while the other not so much...One was work to read and the other was a breeze. Universe's opener paragraph reminded on a matrix type vibe...but that pedo metaphoricality left a sour taste in my mouth, I saw what you were doing but I rather just spit that out. 6 feet your story was more enjoyable, I found that everytime I was drawing away you brought me back in with the character speeches (that was clever and engaging). Both put a lot of heart into this but 6 brought a more vivid picture to hang on this wall. I like color, so I am giving it to 6.
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https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/ https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz Last edited by Master Rock; 07-09-2020 at 11:35 PM. |
07-10-2020, 12:17 AM | #10 |
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This was a cool battle but honestly one verse just seemed more polished than the other...more about that below
Universe - we're no strangers to your plotlines crossing lines (i.e that whole brother/sister murder rape narrative you told awhile back this season) but I think this one strayed a little too far over on the wrong side of the line. It was an interesting parallel to draw between ideas and children, and while you had your typical Uni style it seemed a lot more forced than most of your works I've read thus far. It was kind of a convoluted plot in my eyes it was just the "shock value" you were going for just didn't completely register with me, it wasn't because it was a bad tale or I thought it was in bad taste good it was cool conceptually but just didn't have the concrete foundation that most of your pieces have. It fell a little flat in the execution department imo Six - I liked the way your take progressed, it didn't seem like you had to cram anything about it it just flowed freely and was told in a very well paced way. We got to see the rise and the fall of this man who became king and let power corrupt him. I like the time period of your pieces of the last two weeks feels sort of medevil? This wasn't quite as good as your verse last week but I found little qualms with it, it read smoothly and it was seamless in it's transition from scene to scene sort of like reading a book of fairy tales. Stole the show this week. All in all, I think Universe got a little too ambitious this week and found himself telling not too concrete of a story, while Johnny impressed yet again and looks to be the man to beat going into the playoffs. For me the winner was clearly Johnny, I'm a big fan of Uni but he just felt off this week. Know he'll come back in a big way in the playoffs though V/Johnny |
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