02-27-2020, 08:00 AM | #1 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
So oddly suitable
I been stuck up in the sunken place,
screaming out these sockets tryna speak from down up under pain. Lungs are flooded. Suffocate on suffering. Such a fucking waste. Blood is bubbling. Busted mains buckle under numbness weight. Hold me down. Punch my face. Something. Nothing’s what we say. From butterflies in stomachs to butterfly knives and flummoxed. The flutters. To hiding what we’re loved’for. The messiness. The stresses we’ve assessed would upset our wedding dress kiss. The hallow vows. Our cotton mouths wet the vetted guest list with second guesses sweat drips. Last edited by dull boy; 03-13-2020 at 02:07 AM. |
02-27-2020, 08:55 AM | #2 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,938
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Ahh...I know you think I'm a hindrance to the board & what I say means nothin' but fuck, this is some raw shit man...kudos
|
02-27-2020, 11:16 AM | #3 |
Ad mini tator
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54
Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League
Rep Power: 85899400 |
Butterflies in stomachs to butterfly knifes.
I love imagery like this |
03-06-2020, 09:40 PM | #4 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
beauty.
I been stuck up in the sunken place, screaming out these sockets tryna speak from down up under pain. Lungs are flooded. Suffocate on suffering. Such a fucking waste. Blood is bubbling. beginning is what draws me in time after time. twists of language you have honed over the years still lying dormant. its great. i still have your fucking metaphive archive link on deck somewhere. idk i think so at least. thanks
__________________
Zack Wicks for president |
03-13-2020, 02:07 AM | #5 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
Dual sabers unfolding as Duel Fates is EXPLODING
from souped basses. This Luke, Lia and Yoda uploaded in,to Matrix's codex. Flu, AIDS and Ebola. That dude racing a youth Vader. The smooth sailing Sebulba. Mutated Corona. Poo taste in your doughnuts. Greg LOUganis in pools. Pasted to sofas. Lady's done thrown up. You'll be bantha fodder. Lambs to slaughter. You AND your daughter. Whole family offered to alters. Detectives wrestling the antlers off her. The cloven hoofed Carcosa cook with an open book of spells. Overlooking the Overlook Hotel from a cozy nook in hell. Bookend nails impale Jehovah's wooden fell. No motive. Crooked smiles under covered/hooded veils. Arose from soot and scaled that sullen looking well. |
03-13-2020, 08:47 AM | #6 | ||
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 732
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584275 |
Quote:
__________________
Quote:
|
||
03-18-2020, 02:34 AM | #7 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
I can feel it in my chest. Some illness I've possessed.
Wilderness in fret, but really still in bed. I breathe deep. 'Sweet dreams' filling in the rest. Story books. Worried looks. Revealed but not confessed. Hide the hypochondriac right inside an honest laugh. Fight or flight. A polygraph signed, 'I lied, but prob'ly passed.' The fluid's building. Pooling in my lungs. I breast stroke through denial. Soon I can unplug. Puddles of mucus. Fever free. So subtle. They're clueless. Lovely illusions. A pandemic of pandering. An entire life lived through a family I never meant. Now examine me. A phantom seen through lenses and vantaging that'll miss what was written. A sampling. Just a memory vanishing. Even if I could channel things from some distant, remnant, semblance, I'd ramble. Leave so much to interpretation. Plus, absurd to say it. 'My dad died of COVID' stained across his future. A statistic for the cynics. Just data on computers. If you ever see all that I wrote I hope you'll read it all right. I'm sipping coffee in this coffin. Caffiending for life. I loved you every minute. Every fraction of time. I'll love you tomorrow if I get one after I've died. Last edited by dull boy; 03-18-2020 at 02:37 AM. |
03-23-2020, 03:12 AM | #8 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
This Wuhan soup's got miso batty.
Noodling ramen. Nah. Ramadan. This seems so savage. Macho men with contraband. A bistro patty. Arrested in a restaurant of free folks gathering. Introverts giggle with the cheat code. Happily camping out at home with the TiVo spasming. Neo. Deebo. Is this a sequel Happening? I ponder as I ride my bike down streets. Closed captioning. |
04-09-2020, 10:00 PM | #9 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
I like the rhymes here. I realize they continue but I liked this section the most. For what it's worth I thought it looked/read better in paragraph format so you maybe shouldn't have changed it. But that's just my opinion
|
04-09-2020, 10:10 PM | #10 |
White Earl
|
Dull killing it in here
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est |
04-10-2020, 04:44 PM | #11 |
GOAT
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 4,825
Battle Record: 14-17
Champed - Site Diss Competition
- Tag Tournament III
- Lyric Olympics
- Tag Tournament: "Omicron Variant"
Rep Power: 0 |
The Wuhan soup got me so batty!!!
__________________
Too Rich IRL to Be Here. I'm Out.
|
06-17-2020, 05:34 PM | #12 |
consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,075
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345600 |
Penis big as Peter Griffin. Your stiffy's meters. I got a griffin's peter.
|
06-18-2020, 05:19 PM | #13 |
Storyteller
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 446
Battle Record: 8-4
Champed - Guerrilla Writing League
Rep Power: 5558444 |
Sweet and sharp man. Lots of strong vocab and interesting imagery used here. You conveyed inner turmoil. The image I got was a guy muttering to himself in a dark room. Rhyme scheme was straightforward but appropriate for the tone of the piece. You should look into joining the GWL man. I see some great potential here.
|
06-28-2020, 10:56 AM | #14 |
( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,787
Battle Record: 17-32
Rep Power: 52474189 |
Short and dope af. Got the message across with less is more at its core intertwined with good flow and rhymescheme. Heartfelt and honest. Good shit for sure.
__________________
I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave,
So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o |
|
|