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Old 10-11-2017, 11:07 AM   #1
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Default Witty vs Innovator[INNOVATOR WINS]

Black August


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due October 18th
WEDNESDAY at 11:59 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or THURSDAY October 19th 3:00 AM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY October 5th Central European/London


Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

[color=red]Voting closes when a clear winner is voted for. Competitors must vote immediately on the other match. Failure to vote will result in being a faggot for a significant portion of ur life.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? You can technically start a life of faggoting immediately but its a slippery slope.

so....

All competitors must vote on as many battles as possible duh u bum ass idiots


Topic:: uh none wtf don't u know what this is?

@Witty @Innovator

Last edited by Inno; 10-23-2017 at 08:52 PM.
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Old 10-11-2017, 12:05 PM   #2
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Hi :)

Goodluck Bro.
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Old 10-11-2017, 12:21 PM   #3
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Yooooooo

Same to you my chigga!!
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Old 10-18-2017, 05:03 PM   #4
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Will be posting a big late @Witty
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Old 10-18-2017, 06:40 PM   #5
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Lol I'm going to need an extension. Thought this was due tomorrow.

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Old 10-18-2017, 07:02 PM   #6
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Pulsating sounds bounce off the walls, the chimes haunt me
Each ring saturated in the back of my head it’s a gauntlet, see
I can’t remember how I ended up hear. No recollection of it all.
It’s a somber sleep wide awake behind my eyelids I crawl.
Echos follow like shadows, shadows echo the limits of this prison.
No walls or bars but escape isn’t an option, only darkness
If I can harness this empty space maybe I can stop this.
With caution i move forward, way the few options
If I’m honest.
I have no way out, no light at the end of this engulfing tunnel.
The black is so vast each pigment hurdling together as if in a funnel.
In a bubble waiting for it to pop but it never does, screaming
Into this night hoping the sun spills out of my breathing.

That pulsing sound consistent with every minute of every hour.
Chiming like a reminder of my plight. Steady it gets louder.
Fading away in the background of the darkness
Only returning as a reminder of what’s it like behind my sockets.
Such a cruel endeavor, hope disguised as madness
Constantly looking for harbingers in the blackness.

As I start to Give up, concede that last ray of hope, like dyeing light
Fading into the shadows as if to say I’ve had enough, I can’t fight.
That pulse continues to haunt even now after I loose all might.
Salt on the wound maybe? I can’t place it but the vibrations clamor.
My patience staggers and I get anxious within my armor
As the light rushes in with the force of a thousand waves crashing
Against the shores of an empty port. Confusion sets but I must sort.
In a gurney, white sheets and plastic tubes sprawled atop my body
A singe window lets in the brightest sun I’ve ever seen.
To my right my wife sits next to me with a smile and a gleam.
As I look to what she has in her hand, that pulse returns once more.
Someone’s calling her.....

Last edited by Inno; 10-19-2017 at 08:02 PM.
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Old 10-19-2017, 08:30 PM   #7
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Don't try to escape, your mind is a cage
Your life is a book, this is my little page
And I'm defiling it with violence and rage
You cry and you pray, sigh in dismay
Mystified, slip inside of the haze
No time to delay.

I'm a psychopath, a killer
No Michael Jackson - Thriller
It's more Michael Myers - Halloween
You think it's just a movie 'til I smash the screen
I'm Freddy Kruger, I'm Jason too
I'm chasing you while you gasp and scream
Cry for help! I see the fright in your eyes as you whine and yelp
Before you finally realize that you're by yourself
Just me and you...
You must have said my name three times - I'm Beetlejuice
I peep at you, in nightmares
I'm a bad man, I'm your last scream
I'm The Sandman, I'm a bad dream
I'm sending you to sleep
The fear that sends you to the edge
The voice that's telling you to LEAP!
I'm a demon too, a knife's glare
Don't fight fair...
I'm Pennywise, I'll never die
I made a deal with death...
He's a friend of mine
I'm creeping up, advancing doom
The Creature From The Black Lagoon.

I'm scarier than any horror they ever made or they wrote
Because I really exist, and I've got a blade at your throat.
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Last edited by Witty; 10-19-2017 at 08:58 PM.
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Old 10-20-2017, 03:22 AM   #8
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Innovtor was dope. Were you in a coma and the ringing is your heartbeat? I feel like thats whats happening here for several reasons. I just wish your format was better. I feel like you have the deeper piece here. Without doubt. But the writing wasnt as good as your opponents. The storytelling is better tho.

Witty shit was cool. The horror theme is dope and fitting this time of year. I think ur writing was way more crisp but your topic was just kind like oh..ok.. I see where this is going. I mean idk.. This is hard to call cause on one hand u have a way better story and on the other you have way cleaner writing..

Idk. Im gonna go with the story teller this week. I
got. V-inno..
For more creative storytelling in a topical. Good showing from both. Thia could and very well may go the other way tho. 1
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Old 10-21-2017, 12:30 PM   #9
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This is an odd battle for me. Two very different styles and executions, one I'd usually favour over the other in truth but we'll get to that later on...

Inno: I enjoyed this read for all its contrasts and descriptions actually, giving the reader a precise telling using the darkness, the heartbeat, the "light" at the end of the tunnel etc without it being cliched. It told a detailed story that came off Poe-esque to me in tone and that worked well with the time of year leading up to Halloween for me. I don't know if I completely "got" the ending, be it a twist of your wife dying or you exiting the coma like stasis your lead character was in but that's how I read it at least, with one of two endings. I'm more of a heavy technical merit type of writer so the end rhymes weren't what I'm usually used to, but it helped you bring out your story here by not being so rigid and applying a scheme that restricted you. It worked, and may actually be what ultimately led to my decision this week actually.

Witty: I'm a huge horror fan so obviously this verse appeals to me somewhat, and from a technical standpoint I can appreciate what you did mechanics wise, but there was something missing this week unfortunately. It wasn't even so much a story, more a topical verse, where you showed you're the better technical writer but Inno edged this with the story development and conclusion. Yours almost finished up without a real resolution, I don't know if that was due to time constraints or generally losing interest but you can't really blame anyone else but yourself for the loss here. Inno perhaps didn't have the technical side to his game to match you, but in terms of creativity and wording and storytelling he shone this week. I think he did really well with his choice of words, maybe not so much the end rhymes, but everything prior to those end rhymes was carefully chosen to build up an atmosphere of suspense that really worked (to me) and ultimately got him the win here.

Inno got it.
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Old 10-23-2017, 04:48 AM   #10
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here goes
Innov- very descriptive , wording, imagery was on point! The mechanical side of things isn’t my preference tbh, so the storytelling has to be RIGHT on the money to keep into it and wanting to read on …and it was! Dunno whether the guy was in an accident of sorts but its him on his last legs (almost) and its all a blur whilst hes being resuscitated, presume by the ending hes recovered … to an extent! But again really described well!. Good Job

Witty- Rhyming beast! This comes across so simplistic but its anything but! Tough to include so many horror characters and make it all concise, the ending didn’t feel as impactful has it should have, its basically someone, more scary than ANYTHING (scariest character, worst fears etc) than you can possibly imagine but it didn’t feel like it lol! I dunno…
technically it was a much better read. I cant put my finger on it but the ending didn’t hit hard!!! it read more a poem tbh!

I totally prefer wittys style overall but this one didn’t land overall, feel like ive voted for him everytime ive judged one of his battles so I guess I owe him one!

upon reviewing the pieces as a whole and impact throughout, innov takes this one!

Good jobs!
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