WEEK VIII: Sammy vs Rude[RUDE WINS]

[Inno]

Season 8

Verses are due SATURDAY at 11:59PM EST

Voting ends MONDAY at 9:00PM EST

Verses may not exceed 48 lines or 650 words

Voting on 3 battles is required.


Topic: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=126253

@Sammy vs @Rude

Goodluck!

[Rude]

Good Luck @Sammy !

[Sammy]

Lezz geddit

[Sammy]

@Rude, extension, please

[Rude]

no problem gives me time to re-read and tweak mine

[Rude]

I see her there across the bar, my yearns' become a thirst.
I can barely catch my breath, my lungs begun to burst.
She's happier without me, my words speak up to curse.
I dock to charge, the shock is harsh - it hurts because, it hurts.

Emo-tech and DLC, the piracy of woes.
Piously it rose up, like a dynasty of throes.
Alcohol and drugs are free, sobriety's opposed,
exchanged for masochistic tendencies, society's imposed.

Bio-Mech - a giant brand of nano tech today,
branched from a military manufacturer of ammo, weapons, tanks,
missiles, nukes, pistols, boots - a vast corrupt supply...
of cybernetic viruses of mass destruction type.
But that was 80 years ago, technologies' advanced,
The board walked-out, protesting their democracies and stance.
A rival I-T tech and CEO, had hostilely financed,
a systematic takeover and monopoly of chance.

They spent billions on the research, hours inside the clinic,
time was tickin', minds were stricken, developers advised against it.
Denied admission to universities, but crossed the line of scrimmage,
The genome code was cracked and now? The sky's the limit!

Now it's microchips and implants, flight to Saturn in the plans?
All it takes now is an upgrade -(DNA)- electrode patterns in the strand.
Integrated smart devices, dual-tel camera screens,
eye-phones powered by super capacitors, and fuel cell batteries.
If your oxytocin levels low, they make an app for that.
The price is steep to splice your grief, so savin' stacks of cash,
make the acquisition hard, when facing facts is daft.
The opposition digitized, have hastened acts of hack,
The virus spread inside our head, awakened from the past.
Techno-organic nanobots now feeding on our brains
The daily antidote uploaded, thus keeping us at bay.

So we sit here in these pubs, garnish pleasure and it seems,
our minds crafted every brick and stone - an architectured dream.
A virtual reality, as mentally perceived,
make us ignorant to the government, that centrally deceives.
Here I am, third time this week, I've got my ex to see,
digitally induced endorphins, - the devil's recipe.
a special therapy, for me is pain, I revel breathlessly.

I'll spend my life inside this plight, deprived of our reunion.
The memories I made today, remind me that I'm Human.

but - I see her there across the bar, my yearns' become a thirst.
I can barely catch my breath, my lungs begun to burst.
She's happier without me, my words speak up to curse.
I dock to charge, the shock is harsh - it hurts because, it hurts.

[Sammy]

“Janitor”

They said I’d be the next best thing.
So I grind. I ground harder than i ever did.
Harder than anyones ever seen
This job wasn’t heaven sent. No wait it is. but by no means, a thing of peace.
But Boss said that the end will justify the means
Your time will come. For now, I’ll need you to clean under mezzanine
Puss and bloods, not to mention the other mess to clean.
there’s nine level in all, each with their own set beliefs
Level 3 was my area.
I keep it clean despite the spites from the other demons
To be fair, I’m never scared; He watches
Lord of the 3rd level, Mr. Antwawn Abaddox sits…
Pocket watch ticking cuz time is his play things
He’s a fat pudgy demon. I swear, once i take reign, he’ll be eating his penis
He’s obsessed with purple hue.
wasting funds on dumb things like hookers with short skirts and shoes
And, truthfully, nobody can get in a word or two
Before getting two words thrown back at you
I have a plan.
Red is a better color, don’t you think?
A decor of skulls and bloody color scheme
Perhaps a lake here, for ambiance
I can almost here the yells and screams
That would be a hell of a dream!

“Hey Morning Star! You done under the mezzanine?!”

[Problumatic]

Rude - really nice imagery here. Opener kind of threw me off but more in a clever and unsuspected type of way. Very detailed and precise. Diverse content and was really digging the whole futuristic theme. It was a good topic to expand vocabulary and unique ideas on. Everything seemed well articulated and thoughtful.

Sammy-
More of a little generic of a topic. Shorter than I would of hoped. Basically was about grinding harder and being great but i suggest if someone is to use a more general and cliche topic, that they at least make the actual content exciting with some sort of depiction or complex style of writing within the piece to at the very least give it some spice or a hook if you will.. as a reader I didn’t sense that natural hook a topical should give me when I’m reading it.

V/Rude

[Elemental P]

Rude: ok so this was actually quite eloquent. Well thought out, very profound with your approach yet kept it lyrical. Pretty impressed with your direction to the picture, and how life today is similar with technology and cell phones, which I liked that. Definitely could see this playing out in my head. Well written piece.

Sammy: so this wasn't bad but I felt it was lacking more emotion as oppose to ur opponents. Some cool rhymes and imagery used but tbh your piece seemed rushed. I did like the ending with the Lucifer (morning star) reference, I think had u pushed harder ur piece would have been more polished.

Overall: both were good but tbh Rudes piece Def had a profound concept, better imagery and flow. Nice drop from both but i think Rudes verse just felt more well written.
Vote: Rude

[Adonis]

Rude - I liked the worldscape created, this is a very believable one as well. Loved the concept of a half robot half human saying "it hurts because it hurts", the feeling of pain is human, maybe not physical pain, but emotional pain. the feeling of losing a girl, or guy I guess, cause you mentioned oxytocin. In any case, this realization was dope. You built a story around a robotic world where the less human "humans" rule, but yet, you feel something. All in all, I actually really enjoyed this verse. You took me in a world and really did give the photo life. But you also stayed on track as far as concept goes. Good read, one of my favorites this week.


Sammy - A verse a bout Daunte's Inferno almost. Short and sweet and too the point, though the point was a bit muddled. You created an equally dope world, I prefer the darker side of life, so a helish landscape is alluring to me. This verse was good, I mean I don't have any real girlpes really. But....considering the lack of detail yours contains verses your opponents, you were simply outshined here in my eyes.


v/ Rude


Two really good verses, but if they are equally good and one has double the amount of good, well, there you go unfortunately

[ACTIVATE SELF]

Rude
Well, this was genius, per usual, Rude. Uhm, the only thing that I did not like about this piece is that you wrote it whereas I did not. Seriously. You know better than most my penchant for writing and exploring Sci-Fi themes. In particular transhumanisim as it applies to existential concepts. Not to mention my fondness towards examing politically rooted ideologies and so called "conspiracy theories". Of which, this verse contained all of that and more. An example of the "more" part was the overarching "love-lost" scenario that added a humanizing element to the idea of this digitally manipulated existence of cybernetic technologies. I loved the emphasis on and illustration of the malevolent tech/weapons manufacturer. As well as, what looks likes it might be, the inevitable future of government controlled reality. The constant state of drug induced unawareness highlighted in your verse could also be parlayed into a socially conscious metaphor that speaks to today's society's obsession with escapism via internet platforms, television and substance abuse. A most recent example of the latter is perhaps the government's new found position on the legalization of pot (which I'm all for, but I question the motives behind). Also, the Music Industry's blatant glorification and promotion of pharmaceutical drugs futher laminates such accusations. I think your verse serves as a beautifully constructed forewarning of the aforementioned commentary. Moreover, not only was it socially aware, but on a purely superficial level (layers unpeeled) it was an extremely well written and enjoyable story. Your technical execution was also top notch. Your narration was focused and it transitioned progressively. Your structure was organized and tidy, and I feel your wording was clean and concise. Rhythmically it was butter. Lyrically it was outstanding. Highlights include (but not limited to) the following: "it hurts because, it hurts", "line of scrimmage", "eye-phones", and "ex to see". I could honestly put the whole verse in quotes. Superb.

Sammy
Okay, so your verse is riddled with ingenious symbolism. Like Rude, you wrote a story within a story. The masterwork that is Dante's inferno is obviously the inspiration behind your content. One thing that I love about your work, and it's something that I feel this piece exemplifies, is your ability to take single scenarios and make them seem like an entire collection of material. A better way to describe what I mean is that I imagine your verses as being the single best scene in a movie or the absolute best page of a novel. It's condescend and scaled down writing that is heavily invested in throwing the reader into a single frame or moment. All while you jam pack said moment with as much rich content as you possibly can. In this instance, you focused on a single level of Hell, the 3rd to be exact. You modernized the location, but through clever use of subliminal and symbolic devices you were able to retain traces of the original manuscript, which was no doubt your goal all along. Let us quickly examine some of my postulations.

*Heaven sent: This denotes your supernatural punishment and alludes to the hellish destination to where you were sent for you gluttony and earthly sins.
*Boss: Refers to God
*Puss & Blood: The remnants of the tortured souls who's flesh is ripped and torn apart by the 3-headed beast named Cerebus whom stalks the realm. Also, an allusion to the gluttonous filth of excess that the level is best known for.
*Under mezzanine: Indicates your location and serves as an allusion to the various levels that exist in Hell.
*Level 3: Is the realm of Gluttony
*Abaddox: Most likely is a play on the name Abbadon. The demon/angel that holds the key to the abyss.
*Fat pudgy demon: Because he represents glutty.
*Purple hue: Is an obvious tie-in to the picture. As well as signifies Abaddox's royal status as a crowded prince of Hell.
*Wasting funds/hookers: Another tie-in to the picture and allusion to gluttony.
*The color red: Indicates the color code of the proceeding levels below you.
*Lake: Means to signify the River Styx aka the 4th level.
*A hell of a dream: alludes to the fact that Dante's entire experience in the 9 Circles of Hell were all the byproduct of a dream and lyrically it's also dope as fuck.
*Morning Star: Is one of Lucifer's celestial names/titles.

So, basically you're the Devil himself aka Satan being punished and forced to work as a janitor in the 3rd level of Hell. But it seems you have dreams of promotion via descention. Dope. As. Fuck.

Vote: Sammy

This was one of the best battles I've read in a long time. You're both two of my all-favorite writers and this battle shows why. I think Rude had better mechanics and wordplay and her execution was absolutely flawless. I also think that her take on the topic was genius, and like Sammy's verse, told a separate story in between it's lines. Relatively speaking it was a perfect verse. I don't feel like Rude lost. Sammy didn't beat her. But get's the nod because his story was just as immaculate. Maybe the scheme wasn't as polished, but the richness of detail and thoughtfulness put into each line was absolutely extraordinary. This was a battle of layers and Sammy had a single thin layer more for me to peel back and enjoy. Excellent battle.