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Old 10-11-2017, 11:05 AM   #1
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Default Genocide vs MMLP[MMLP WINS]

Black August


SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due October 18th
WEDNESDAY at 11:59 P.M. Pacific/West Coast or THURSDAY October 19th 3:00 AM Eastern / 6:00 AM THURSDAY October 5th Central European/London


Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

[color=red]Voting closes when a clear winner is voted for. Competitors must vote immediately on the other match. Failure to vote will result in being a faggot for a significant portion of ur life.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? You can technically start a life of faggoting immediately but its a slippery slope.

so....

All competitors must vote on as many battles as possible duh u bum ass idiots


Topic:: uh none wtf don't u know what this is?

@Genocide @MMLP

Last edited by Inno; 10-23-2017 at 08:53 PM.
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Old 10-12-2017, 06:31 PM   #2
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Coughin blood by the puddles, its putrid, the flem
Chokin on my own mucus, til its loose in my chest
Im losing my breath, wth every newport i Inhale
Tryin To quit, but smoking more and more as i fail
Ive even switched to cheaper cigs, all of'em suck
Cheaper the smoke, the deeper the choke, caught in my lungs
This nicotine keeps callin my bluff, physically trapped
The more i push it away, the more its rippin me back
Like hits of the crack, this shit keeps callin my name
From the time that i wake up, until im tired and drained
A spark from the bic, a zippo, or a flick of the match
And ill smoke a whole pack, whats more delicious than that?
Its nothin like the taste of a cig, after sex with a bitch..
Except for being turned down, cause your breath is like shit!
Mixed with definite piss, or your clothes smell like an ashtray
Youll never get the digits, if you go at her that way
No matter!, you pack flame, and its part of your swag..
Youll hack a whole kidney up, and smoke all of the pack
Whos harder than that? Fuck it, your wu-tangin' the butts
A two pack a day habit, that you hate, but you love
It basically sucks, filter hangin from your face and ur drunk
Cant even run away from it, to much strain on your lungs
Hate to say it -your fucked, s'why you keep callin' it quits
You could pave a freeway with all the tar in your chest
The doctor says, quit smokin, choose, dead or alive
What he don't realise, is that your ready to die
A certain red in your eyes, sayin' you aint ready today..
You walk out and spark a cig, and drop dead in your grave

-Genocide.
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Last edited by Geno; 10-18-2017 at 02:51 PM.
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Old 10-13-2017, 03:55 AM   #3
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keep your eye on the stars but your feet on the ground
We’d fight in the yards, competing in rounds.
Increasing our power my younger brother and me,
as heated encounters were brushed off with ease.
With the rub of the green we could rush to the posts.
Run through the trees, up a number of slopes.
Whilst crushing our foes as we gazed at the stars
into tunnels below, unafraid to embark.
My crush, playing the part of the damsel in distress,
once placed in my guard as the magical princess.
But the most basic of missteps had a snowball effect,
The kidnapping had incensed us to go forth, ahead!
The stonewalls were death traps, I wish he’d evade
The close calls were endless as we’d swing to escape.
Grounds spitting up flames the moment we’d rise,
wishing he take his time to get over them lines.
Spending most of our lives, go-karting with friends.
Rolling the dice hosting parties with guests,
my face calm and collected as I’d clear my throat.
To guard and protect him is what I feared the most.
I appeared controlled when he was learning to drive,
“here we go” he would chirp from his ride.
With a burst of excitement, he never seemed phased.
Preferring his privacy when he’d enter a race.
Going our separate ways for the good of the lands.
Every step he would take I would struggle to track.
I felt under attack, with him about on his own,
from awards I would dash to lookout for my bro!
Knowing scouting for trophies is what keeps me at bay,
being out in the cold wasn’t easy to take.
Eating away at me and ripping my soul.
Knowing Luigi’s in danger is what hits me the most.
And here he was,
Doing missions alone without troubles or stress,
with a grin of his own looking up to the impress.
And out comes a bundle of memories, in the garden playing.
My brother’s the best! He was the only star worth chasing..

Last edited by MMLP; 10-18-2017 at 07:05 AM.
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Old 10-20-2017, 09:39 PM   #4
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Audio vote for you gents

https://soundcloud.com/baronx/audio-vote-geno-v-mmlp

since people on R-R complained when I didn't reveal the MVGT, MVGT - MMLP on this one, great battle to you both and nice work!
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Old 10-21-2017, 09:59 PM   #5
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Geno

Great topic. Something personals is always s dope perspective to write about. Right off the bat yo I get rolling with the flow and rhythm. Your fluidity was smooth at all times and your diction was great at points. You described the riggers ofcsmokkng very clearly and you paint a solid picture of what a smoker is. I’m a smoker so I know all that shit, my girl don’t kiss me neither niggah lmao. The hot loogies lol, walking up knowing you don’t want to but you smell one anyway almost begrudgingly. Yeah I’m familiar with all that. So yeah I appreciate what you wrote here bruh foreal. The one gripe I have is towards the end, I found interesting. You know you should of expanded more on that idea, you know the back and forth weighing of smoking or not. Knowing it’s goomg to kill you(although I don’t want to die) but you smoke anyway. And the inevitable consequences. I believe expanding on those points a bit more would of gave your ending s not more grit and stronger impact.


Mmlp

Very creative topic bruh. Hats off to you for this one honestly it was unique an refreshing lol. On to the verse. You had a crisp and very tight flow going man. Honestly since the last time was in the AOWL you’ve improved a lot. This was solid work mechanically from top to bottom. You had the crisp flow along with the sharp and fluid wording that seem to spill over to the next line. I thought you did a clever job of dropping hints throughout your verse, laying out a subtle picture of your topic, well done. Toward the ending it got s not weird for me, I thought the focus would be the princess and you know Mario’s plight lol. You switched it up and made it about Luigi and Mario’s relationship which I thought was interesting but I felt like it that twist wasn’t really necessary tbh.

Overall

I lied both verses, geno came with something more relatable and honest or who he is. While mmlp dropped a creative and clever topic and verse which he fleshed out almost perfectly. So technically both are sound geno isn’t known for being a slouch and mmlp has been impressive as of late with his mechanics. So it comes down to preference, I could go with geno because I relate to is verse more, but mmlp’s creativity can’t be ignored. Although geno dropped an outstanding verse. In a tourney where it’s up to you to choose a topic, I would assume in a battle that is close like this one creativity can play a big part. So for that I’m going with mmlp.

Thanks for the read fellas.
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Old 10-23-2017, 11:39 AM   #6
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I try to steer clear of MMLP battles to avoid any accusation of bias and whatever else.

I really don't want to have to vote on this unless I absolutely have to to progress? @Innovator
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Old 10-23-2017, 12:21 PM   #7
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Word, Inno says I have to vote on this ish, even though I didn't want to:


Genocide: This was pretty much you in your bag throughout here, fluid from the jump, it read like you straight keyed that ish with how effortless it all was. Buttersmooth flow out the gate. Cheaper the smoke, deeper the choke was dope to me. Awesome turn of phrasing. Wu-tanging the butts was cool too, I thought. I enjoyed the more kind of comedic lines and punchliney style from you this time round, even though I must say I kind of prefer your usual melancholy self-deprecating self to this version of you. I mean, sure, this one is kind of in the same ischemic clogged vein.. but it has a more dark humor to it that stood out from last rounds verse IMO. I liked it in some respects, and largely it worked, but towards the middle it just felt like it lacked a direction and you were repeating the same scenario almost without pushing it forward. There was a definite "lull" in the story that then culminated a bit too quickly at the end with a sort of twist. I think what you needed was a grander idea of how to round things up, maybe bring it full circle, maybe have the lead coming to some philosophical resolution or maybe even have wrote something from the cigarettes perspective about how he hated being in the guys mouth. Just a few ideas for another time, really, something to think about that's a little more out of the box.

MMLP: I liked the opening line, I know it's from a quote, but it's definitely a quote you would enjoy. I can tell that from the jump. I've wrote a Mario verse before a few years ago and it was better than this one.

LOL

Just kidding. What I felt you did well this week is your kind of trademark subtle hints throughout building to a bigger picture switcheroo where you pull the rug out from under the reader at the end and leave them in the realisation of what you've just done. It seems to work for you, as I've seen you do it a few times, but I don't think you did a fantastic job of executing it this week tbreal. I mean, sure, the clues were there and on second read you may even pick up a lot more than you do on first read but you need to ensure people are getting allllllllllll of those clues and hints and references on the first run, or at least the majority so they start thinking "Is this about Mario?" rather than just reading to find out where it's going. Plant more seeds in their minds. get them reading to see if they're correct. I'm not saying dumb it down, I'm saying play a smarter game by giving the reader enough rope to hang themselves off how dope it is. You know? You don't want to exclude the reader, you want to have them on your side, willing you on. This is largely a fault of you as the writer and not the reader, if you clarified what was happening that bit cleaner it would really help you out IMO.

THAT SAID this came from left-field and was creative on your part, scheme wise it was largely one I favour myself so I'm gonna lean that way from a technical standpoint. I agree with Inno, you've upped your game since those early AOWL days. Geno is no slouch, I don't even think you caught him slipping here either because his verse was solid enough to give anyone a good run but you maybe edged it with the creative take with a twist over the more comedic angle.

I'll give MMLP the win by the skin of his yellow teeth.
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