I am...

Witty · 05-12-2018, 08:03 PM

I keep...

Searching in mirrors, exploring in portals
Begging the omnipotent, imploring immortals
Try to creep through the back door of heaven
No grace for a pleb, no pass for a peasant.

Am I...

Scum?
The senseless one
Huh?
Is the best to come?
*shrug*
Let's get drunk
*glug*
The stench of rum.

I keep...

Digging in tunnels, running in circles
I'm saying a lot...but none of it verbal
I speak to myself, and I choose not to listen
I drink from this doubt, and chew on contrition.

I am...

Contorted with fright
A sordid delight
This twisted fantasy
Born in the night
A tryst with blasphemy
Distorting the light
A sort of...listless vanity.

Witty · 05-12-2018, 08:05 PM

Wow those tags were quick lol

Witty · 05-18-2018, 10:08 PM

Up.

dull boy · 05-18-2018, 11:10 PM

This is good.

ACTIVATE SELF · 05-19-2018, 12:07 AM

Ditto

Mediocrity · 05-19-2018, 12:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Witty

I keep...

Searching in mirrors, exploring in portals
Begging the omnipotent, imploring immortals
Try to creep through the back door of heaven
No grace for a pleb, no pass for a peasant.

Am I...

Scum?
The senseless one
Huh?
Is the best to come?
*shrug*
Let's get drunk
*glug*
The stench of rum.

I keep...

Digging in tunnels, running in circles
I'm saying a lot...but none of it verbal
I speak to myself, and I choose not to listen
I drink from this doubt, and chew on contrition.

I am...

Contorted with fright
A sordid delight
This twisted fantasy
Born in the night
A tryst with blasphemy
Distorting the light
A sort of...listless vanity.

Enjoyed this and the structure was great it seemed to flow like h20 but
Didn’t really fw the highlighted part. Choppy

Sinacog · 01-30-2019, 12:50 PM

This was a decent read, Witty.

I enjoyed this read, for it's sort of disdainful ordeal you portrayed yourself of having. You seem to be in a corner with your shadow or something...which is interesting. I rather enjoy your narrative style, and intellect. You also seem to have a sort of sarcastic tone with yourself; which is good. I don't think you're a pleb, I think you write a little better than that. But some of these lines indicate, you need more experience with things; but that's okay. I don't think you're scum, but you can be if you're not careful. Lines like 'creeping into heaven' were pretty cool..but you should've continued on such a route in your writing. More christian undertones, so to speak. But yeah, this was a poem - about you; - and I enjoyed it. Didn't seem too out there; nice one man. Good work on this one. Nice imagery as-well. I suppose you can work on your consistency with your undertones, but this was good. Nice, one. Keep writing!

Witty · 09-09-2021, 08:16 PM

This deserves more.

Pharaohs Army · 09-19-2021, 07:03 AM

It's good but I've seen better from you in the past. More than a couple times. Don't have links right now.
You champed that league last year I believe?

Write something new?

Elfo · 09-20-2021, 11:11 PM

Gay

veritas · 09-20-2021, 11:34 PM

The portal would say:

We don’t agree with your stance, but the flowy way you easily handled such immense context was great.

Write more, Fox

Geno · 09-22-2021, 03:31 AM

No, you aren't
Dope shit tho.
<3

Alice · 09-29-2021, 05:29 AM

This was really really good. Loved the conversational tone and poetic-tale throughout. Lots of highlights of a reflective nature.

I'm saying a lot...but none of it verbal
I speak to myself, and I choose not to listen
I drink from this doubt, and chew on contrition

Those stood out to me the most because they’re so relatable. Write more.

05-12-2018, 08:03 PM	#1
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,794 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 82986458	I am... I keep... Searching in mirrors, exploring in portals Begging the omnipotent, imploring immortals Try to creep through the back door of heaven No grace for a pleb, no pass for a peasant. Am I... Scum? The senseless one Huh? Is the best to come? shrug Let's get drunk glug The stench of rum. I keep... Digging in tunnels, running in circles I'm saying a lot...but none of it verbal I speak to myself, and I choose not to listen I drink from this doubt, and chew on contrition. I am... Contorted with fright A sordid delight This twisted fantasy Born in the night A tryst with blasphemy Distorting the light A sort of...listless vanity. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

05-12-2018, 08:05 PM	#2
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,794 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 82986458	Wow those tags were quick lol __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

05-18-2018, 10:08 PM	#3
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,794 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 82986458	Up. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

09-09-2021, 08:16 PM	#8
Witty Lime Life Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 16,794 Battle Record: 30-41 Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded Champed - Lyric Olympics - Summer Classic Rep Power: 82986458	This deserves more. __________________ He listens to voices inside of his mind Explicit and poisonous violent crime.

09-22-2021, 03:31 AM	#12
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,325 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036758	No, you aren't Dope shit tho. <3 __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

05-18-2018, 11:10 PM	#4
dull boy consults Lloyd Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 4,075 Battle Record: 0-8 Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast Rep Power: 39345600	This is good.

01-30-2019, 12:50 PM	#7
Sinacog Satan Join Date: Dec 2018 Posts: 2,156 Battle Record: 4-25 Rep Power: 8129212	This was a decent read, Witty. I enjoyed this read, for it's sort of disdainful ordeal you portrayed yourself of having. You seem to be in a corner with your shadow or something...which is interesting. I rather enjoy your narrative style, and intellect. You also seem to have a sort of sarcastic tone with yourself; which is good. I don't think you're a pleb, I think you write a little better than that. But some of these lines indicate, you need more experience with things; but that's okay. I don't think you're scum, but you can be if you're not careful. Lines like 'creeping into heaven' were pretty cool..but you should've continued on such a route in your writing. More christian undertones, so to speak. But yeah, this was a poem - about you; - and I enjoyed it. Didn't seem too out there; nice one man. Good work on this one. Nice imagery as-well. I suppose you can work on your consistency with your undertones, but this was good. Nice, one. Keep writing!

09-19-2021, 07:03 AM	#9
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	It's good but I've seen better from you in the past. More than a couple times. Don't have links right now. You champed that league last year I believe? Write something new?

09-29-2021, 05:29 AM	#13
Alice Member Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 48 Rep Power: 53110	This was really really good. Loved the conversational tone and poetic-tale throughout. Lots of highlights of a reflective nature. I'm saying a lot...but none of it verbal I speak to myself, and I choose not to listen I drink from this doubt, and chew on contrition Those stood out to me the most because they’re so relatable. Write more.