Round One: Adverse vs Inno - ADVERSE WINS!

[sral]

Welcome, boils and ghouls!

This is the opening round of the biggest topical tournament in the Netcees calendar year. 16 entrants. 8 battles. 4 winners. 32 lines separating you and the losers bench. Do not disappoint. We have replacements on hand ready to fill-in on short notice, you WILL get a battle so please do not assume your opponent is no-showing. It’s go hard or home.

This is it.

Check-in’s are due: Fri 4th September 9pm UK time.

Verses are due: Tuesday 8th September 9pm UK time.

Topics were randomly assigned thanks to UserName. Your topic is:

@Adverse
@Inno

[Adverse]

Check let’s do this

[Inno]

Welcome

[Inno]

@Adverse

need that extendo my phone got fuckded and i lost all i wrote....need and extra day to rewrite my ish. sorry broski

[Adverse]

Getting out of bed per usual, was a tough one, it’s a battle
Overcast skies peeking through the blinds - it’s never sunny in Seattle
In a room that once danced with liveliness, I’m confronted by the shadows
Trying to shed the skin of a lover n a husband, but I can’t though
Drown in the black abyss of my morning coffee that’s long gone cold
Used to be my medicine, now I need a stronger dose
I’ve been bobbin in the waves poured from this bottle, a fifth
It’s my calm before these balled up fists driven through drywall I hauled off n hit
I take a staggered step out of the front door, into the city’s manic streets
The pavement littered with judgmental eyes and all of them attached to me
I dodge the glances, hit the paper stand and am assaulted by ‘TRAGEDY!’
Headline screaming at me, deciphering the text through the dampened ink
Life forcibly drags me back to so many nights before
Where you lie in a crimson pool juxtaposed to the white oak floors
So vibrant yet violent, guilt drives in its fangs n starts eatin at me
Failed you at your darkest hour, I wasn’t the person you needed me to be
My world has been in shambles, haunted by the screams as I sleep
Since I seen you hacked to bits, I’ve been picking up the pieces of me
The same person who did this to you struck again, think I know who it is and where they stay at
The ultimate betrayal, I’ve known him for years we go way back
My hand drifts to my belt, where the pistol’s at I touch it
I could drop the police a subtle tip...fuck that! Time for vigilante justice
Start to make my way through the twisted scapes of the all cement n grey city
The buildings wobble and tilt as the effects of my bender stay with me
Bullets of cold sweat dive from my forehead, disguised in the rainfall
Earthquake inside of me that I can’t shake, approaching the overpass with these anxious thoughts
As I reach the top I’m Met by a familiar face my “WHY DID YOU KILL HER!?” met by a sinister gaze
It’s time to finish this! Pressed it against his temple once my pistol was raised
“I finally caught YOU, you son of a bitch! Know what your punishment is!?”
“It’s Death!” I laugh maniacally, lick a shot, then I fall from the bridge

They used to say creatures were under the bed, or in the closet amongst ties n suits
But I learned quickly the best hiding spot for a monster, is inside of you.

[Inno]

posting in few

[Inno]

oblivious

the blood splatter seeps through the drywall like paint
she screams and moans but her cries only come out faint
"no ones here to save you my dear, you've entered hell"
"let me go!!!" but the ring never reaches the bell
the way she fights i don t understand, does she not get it?
there is no escape, no hope left to pray for, "do you not get it?"
as her veins drain she mocks me and taunts me so harsh
not knowing she will end up washing up in some random marsh
"you wont get away with this" she screams, but i pay her no mind
as i proceed to carve my pain in her skin until i go blind
with rage i punch her face with a force of hurricane winds
knocking every godam tooth that mocked every single one of my sins
she spits out the results still resilient in her effort to defy me
but im willing to repeat this effort to kill, every minute, ever hour see
disposing of her body was satisficing.....

her sent still lingers like old perfume left on a worn shirt
i can still feel her hair coursing through my finger tips, its a curse
a worthy opponent to my madness, ill never for get her
but i wear her trophy on my soul, almost like hunted fur
i can still hear her cries of defiance to the edge of each blade thrust
"you wont get away with this" i laugh at the memory
i can almost give her an ounce of respect for her bravery

a killer is a foot, his steps have been counted and we are very close
to solving the case of the missing starlet, the headlines boast
"a new victim found" words that reach home just a little to close
as i peak my attention to the each clue this paper wrote
they will never find her i say under my breath as i keep reading
they found her blood drying but will never find her soul weeping
then it hits me, its time to move on to the next victim
hoping to make psychics out of all the random paper clippings

although i wonder if i got enough time for another kill
ill wait until she finishes her coffee.....

[Johnny 6 feet]

Adverse- Great as usual. You took the topic in a sinister direction and told a smooth story that kept up a pace with wicked imagery and an even flow which never fell off. I felt the narrator's heartbreak especially with the vivid wordplay you put in here:

I’ve been bobbin in the waves poured from this bottle, a fifth

Since I seen you hacked to bits, I’ve been picking up the pieces of me

Bullets of cold sweat dive from my forehead, disguised in the rainfall

The ending was predictable, but that's not always a bad thing. The execution (pun intended) was great. A perfect note to end on. You did a lot in the line limit. Well done.

Inno- A similar take but a different direction. It almost seems as if what you and Adverse wrote could be two sides of the same fucked up coin. You always bring intense imagery to your writing and this effort was no different. A dive into a psychopath's stream of conscious is always a rough ride but you kept it moving at a steady pace to the conclusion which finished at the snapshot of the image really well. A few awkward rhymes here and there but this was a cut above the average topical as usual.


Vote- Adverse

[Pharaohs Army]

Only one vote so I'll throw in my 2 cents.

Sorry, I'm not gonna break this down in detail.

Both told good stories. Both had a few clunky rhymes a few times.

But Adverse's story resonated with me more.

I've got Adverse here, but that's not to take anything away from Inno's dark verse.

I enjoyed both verses but V/ Adverse by a hair.

[Bladed Thesis]

Adverse: Liked your take on the topic, very smooth storytelling and the wordplay was on point throughout. Felt the story was a good angle and well played especially with the tempo that seemed at times relentless with imagery. Rhyme scheme was strong throughout though I felt your flow dropped at a few points or dragged out and missed in one or two places. Overall, a strong showing with good content and storytelling.

Inno: Very visceral take on the topic and I dig it. Felt the imagery was a little forced at times but overall good and kept on topic throughout. Felt it was also a little basic at times with the rhyme scheme and word choice in particular seeming rushed or quickly done where you could've gone deeper or picked a more impactful wording. Overall, a good verse that I felt missed in a few places and fell short in others but was pretty good nonetheless.

Vote: Adverse. Felt his take on the topic was a little more unique, a little stronger, with better word choice, better rhyme scheme. Good job, guys.

[Objective]

Adverse - Really enjoyed your opener couplet, the following couplet put everything to a halt for me tho.

"In a room that once danced with liveliness, I’m confronted by the shadows
Trying to shed the skin of a lover n a husband, but I can’t though"
^I felt like "can't though" and "shadows" is too far attached from each other to create a good enough sound that flows with it. "Shadow" without the s at the end makes it sound better but the meaning is gone. Idk, too much of a nursery rhyme for me.

Aside from that you paint a descriptive story and follows it really well. Definitely a man in conflict with himself as bad as it can get, violent and couldn't find any other way to end this madness than offing himself. Really well told and I like where you went with the topic given, creative and interesting.

Inno - Straight forward story following the steps and mindset of a serial killer. There were some hiccups here and there while reading that kinda distracted me from the overall feel of the verse, take this for an example: "as i peak my attention to the each clue this paper wrote", "to the each clue" sounds a bit weird, ye? And this one: "ill never for get her", had to re-read that one quick as well, stuff like that will hurt you in close match ups. That said tho, cool read and a good showing for sure.

Vote - Adverse, felt his story was a bit more captivating along with better resolution at the end altho Inno's open ender makes me want to read more. I enjoyed Inno's approach as well but felt Adverse's piece as a whole is enough to snatch the vote. Good shit from both, keep writing.