Falling from the Moon

ACTIVATE SELF · 09-20-2020, 09:57 AM

My soul is tired and my bones ache, cold lonely nights I spend wide awake
Going insane with a straight face is kind of like solitary confinement with no breaks
Prison escapes is all I think about, but I'm in no cage, in a total state of agony, but I feel no pain
If Doc diagnosed me crazy today, I'd be OKAY, I'd watch the pieces fall in place
Then implement change at a slow pace. Kind of play it by ear ya know?
It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most
But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go
I try my best to keep em close, I guess that's schizophrenic tho
But I don't care to live remote or swim around like fish in bowls
Surviving off a chicken bone that grants me wishes, gifts, and gold
Suppose that's superstitious, but I don't really give a DAMN!
Can't see the forest for the trees when stranded in the desert sand
Granted I take medicine to focus when I'm panicking
Reading body language tryna pass their head exam
I use to have a better plan consisting of a weathered plant
But it was unreliable, I always use to wake up dead
My dignity's intact tho, this misery's a cash flow
I scribble on a canvas, my memories in flash strokes
My brush feels the energy, the paint makes it synergy
Splashes hit the backdrop then pain turns to imagery
Brilliantly, chaotically and every other honest-'ly'
I'm obviously intoxicated, huffing paint from burning paper
Vapors fill my studio, I'm dancing in the midnight flame
My soul for a masterpiece? It's seeming like a fair exchange
Van Gogh gave his own ear! L. Wane pawned his whole brain
Basquiat sold both veins. I'm guessing it's a natural thing
To sacrifice for art's sake...expressions of a tortured mind
I pledge my life to heartache, and pay the price the Devil fines
For beauty....................

Universe · 09-22-2020, 04:07 PM

This was cool.

"Then implement change at a slow pace. Kind of play it by ear ya know?
It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most
But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go
I try my best to keep em close, I guess that's schizophrenic tho"

Nice...

"Can't see the forest for the trees when stranded in the desert sand"

Hopefully this gets some more love. @Adverse will appreciate the poetic feel of this I think.

Solid writing here man. Keep it coming.

Objective · 09-25-2020, 10:07 PM

Thought this was dope. Probably the fav from you that I've read.

The switch ups in flow felt natural and was cool, great multies here n there to spice it up. Some really good quotables for sure:

It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most
But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go
I try my best to keep em close
^That's fire

I do feel like you missed out on an opportunity to keep your scheme going on this tho:
Surviving off a chicken bone that grants me wishes, gifts, and gold
Suppose that's superstitious, but I don't really give a DAMN!

If you had reworded it like "superstitious, no? I don't really..." or something like that, a word with the "o"-sound in it and then fully switch it up afterwards for a more fluent transition.

Another section I enjoyed:
I scribble on a canvas, my memories in flash strokes
My brush feels the energy, the paint makes it synergy
Splashes hit the backdrop then pain turns to imagery
Brilliantly, chaotically and every other honest-'ly'
^Thought this line was creative and cool

Enjoyed the fluent style-changes throughout and concept you went for with the painting stuff and references. It read fluidly and thought you stitched it together well for the closure. Solid drop

Exis · 09-30-2020, 04:31 PM

I'd watch the pieces fall in place
Then implement change at a slow pace. Kind of play it by ear ya know?
It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most
But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go
I try my best to keep em close, I guess that's schizophrenic tho
But I don't care to live remote or swim around like fish in bowls
Surviving off a chicken bone that grants me wishes, gifts, and gold
Suppose that's superstitious, but I don't really give a DAMN!

^^Dope...as someome that have schizophrenia I can relate.

Tight piece SELF, the emotion & imagery here really hits...so thanks.

Stay you fam.

09-22-2020, 04:07 PM	#2
Universe Everything's Connected Join Date: Nov 2017 Location: Niagara Falls, Canada Posts: 999 Battle Record: 19-8 Champed - Guerrilla Writing League(2x) - GWL Picture challenge(2x) - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 10178702	This was cool. "Then implement change at a slow pace. Kind of play it by ear ya know? It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go I try my best to keep em close, I guess that's schizophrenic tho" Nice... "Can't see the forest for the trees when stranded in the desert sand" Hopefully this gets some more love. @Adverse will appreciate the poetic feel of this I think. Solid writing here man. Keep it coming. __________________ ..Passed the Present and Future..

09-25-2020, 10:07 PM	#3
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,787 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474189	Thought this was dope. Probably the fav from you that I've read. The switch ups in flow felt natural and was cool, great multies here n there to spice it up. Some really good quotables for sure: It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go I try my best to keep em close ^That's fire I do feel like you missed out on an opportunity to keep your scheme going on this tho: Surviving off a chicken bone that grants me wishes, gifts, and gold Suppose that's superstitious, but I don't really give a DAMN! If you had reworded it like "superstitious, no? I don't really..." or something like that, a word with the "o"-sound in it and then fully switch it up afterwards for a more fluent transition. Another section I enjoyed: I scribble on a canvas, my memories in flash strokes My brush feels the energy, the paint makes it synergy Splashes hit the backdrop then pain turns to imagery Brilliantly, chaotically and every other honest-'ly' ^Thought this line was creative and cool Enjoyed the fluent style-changes throughout and concept you went for with the painting stuff and references. It read fluidly and thought you stitched it together well for the closure. Solid drop __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o Last edited by Objective; 09-25-2020 at 10:13 PM.

09-30-2020, 04:31 PM	#4
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	I'd watch the pieces fall in place Then implement change at a slow pace. Kind of play it by ear ya know? It wouldn't be so lonely if I could hear the ghosts. I know that's weird for most But I spent 7 years alone just because my mirror broke. So far as spirits go I try my best to keep em close, I guess that's schizophrenic tho But I don't care to live remote or swim around like fish in bowls Surviving off a chicken bone that grants me wishes, gifts, and gold Suppose that's superstitious, but I don't really give a DAMN! ^^Dope...as someome that have schizophrenia I can relate. Tight piece SELF, the emotion & imagery here really hits...so thanks. Stay you fam.