Round One: Zuchiefiasco vs big baby - ZUCH WINS!

[sral]

Welcome, boils and ghouls!

This is the opening round of the biggest topical tournament in the Netcees calendar year. 16 entrants. 8 battles. 4 winners. 32 lines separating you and the losers bench. Do not disappoint. We have replacements on hand ready to fill-in on short notice, you WILL get a battle so please do not assume your opponent is no-showing. It’s go hard or home.

This is it.

Check-in’s are due: Fri 4th September 9pm UK time.

Verses are due: Tuesday 8th September 9pm UK time.

Topics were randomly assigned thanks to UserName. Your topic is:

@Zuchiefiasco
@big baby

[UPN Zuch]

Alright. Checking in, friend.

[big baby]

bb

[big baby]

bb drop 2day

[UPN Zuch]

hey bb I will be dropping by 10pm EST

[UPN Zuch]

Need a couple more hours

[UPN Zuch]

The Heroin Me

She said it’s too late, I told her it’s only a hiccup
She said the heroin is slowly killing her, i said she was dead the moment she picked up
It’s my fault and I know this, two bums in a cellar
It was easy for her to commit to a fraud when she does retail ones for the cheddar
As lame as it sounds, why would she stay by me now?
I’ll tell you why, she’s six months along, weighs ninety pounds
Can’t remember who got who hooked, blame that on the past
The last three years have been hella blurry, we can blame that on the Pabst
Fill the needle with pristine sour, stick her with that crippling powder
Euphoric daily, but a new vein collapses each sixteen hours
Can’t even find one nowadays, when she does it’s dumb nice
Pretty soon the doc will have to slit her wrists just to get her blood type
When I told her I wanted to stop best believe I meant it all
The only ticket outta this world is a lotto one, and it’s laced with Fentanyl


The Hero in Me


So here’s the plan..


Hit Walmart, find cash receipts and hope it sticks
Grab items off the shelf and return them, splurge on a Motel 6
Force her to the room, restrain her with malice and rage
I never owned a rock album in my life, but tonight I got Alice in chains
We’re two days in and she’s shitting at a pummeling pace
And don’t even talk to me about the vomit because it’s coming in waves
The detox is tough, but I know I can’t let her off yet
Because if she gets high one more time our unborn child is better off dead
She’s got stomach pains to the max, I know the tricks to save her
Too late for all that now, early morning Alice is going into labor
Long way from smoking crack, in Cali just snortin’
Punching her in the stomach on the reg and googling “back-alley abortions”
None of that matters now, this is the choice that was made
Natural birth is the only option, my touch is the ointment for pain
Legs spread on a low thread-count bum ass comforter
I’m not gonna let her do this alone, I’m the one that comforts her
Through the dope sickness comes euphoria as I’m filled with joy
We did it Alice, I’m so proud of you, by the way it’s a boy

[Inno]

@big baby

[Inno]

what a ghodam waste of a good verse...willl feed properly in a few

[Inno]

Zuch this was some solid work my g. Man the first have read so smooth and laid back I was like ok I can see this going nice lol.the first half of this verse reads like how I would ideally want to write.a perfect mixture of slang and poetry.you went in and out of that constantly in this first half and it was fucking dope then the second half started and the flow and overa!! Ambiance started to speed up. Man for a second I thought here we go atypical crack head doing the same shit but you flipped it on its heads which I can definitely appreciate. Good stuff broski

[sral]

Shame it got no showed for real.

The Heroin me / hero in me play on words was a nice touch to each verse. The opening stanza was fun to read, but the second was even better and drove the verse due to the conflict the character is presented with - saving the unborn. The more punchline-esque style worked for you here, it wasn’t what we’re perhaps used to seeing from a topical standpoint in terms of character development or emotional investment but given the shorter line limit this round the focus sort of had to be more a snapshot in time, placing the reader firmly in your story and creating something short and succinct. It was difficult to really develop a “story” in so few lines so I think you did very well under the circumstances here, keeping it to two (three?) characters and focusing on them and their plight rather than something bigger picture. The “reveal” wasn’t the typical twist ending where you pulled the rug from under the reader, which may have been a good tactic given the brevity of this round, but you did enough to ground your characters in their setting and told it very well indeed, easily one of the better verses this round.

Good stuff, Zuch.

Thank you for showing.

[Hush]

Fire

[Adverse]

Think it’s mostly been said but I liked how unorthodox this was for a topical, it wasn’t your usual storytelling verse . The story was told smoothly but just the language you used wasn’t exactly what we’re used to seeing from these type of battles but that wasn’t a bad thing. It was almost like breaking the 4th wall in ways, things like the Alice In Chains bar was cool because it kind of broke away from this narrative and brought me back to reality a little bit. I’m not sure how voting would have shook out if BB showed and brought his usual stuff BUT now that you’re going on to the next round you have a big chance to be a foil for anyone’s run in this tourney. Best of luck and kudos for being such a versatile writer!

[Smod of War]

Dope

[UPN Zuch]

Thanks guys for your input!