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Old 07-18-2020, 05:25 PM   #1
Johnny 6 feet
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Default GWL PLAYOFFS ROUND 1- #4 UNIVERSE (7-3) VS #9 RAZAH (0-0) UNIVERSE WINS/OPEN FOR FEED


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Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. -Mark Twain


GOOD LUCK!

Last edited by Johnny 6 feet; 07-27-2020 at 07:56 AM.
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Old 07-19-2020, 06:33 AM   #2
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Good ol' Mark Twain eh, Johnny?

Check.
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Old 07-19-2020, 01:59 PM   #3
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Check.
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Old 07-21-2020, 09:40 PM   #4
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Serpent

"Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden.” - Mark Twain

......

I believe I'm rotten to the core every time I book it out my door
I climb a tree to spy and peek while pulling down my drawers
Staring at Nikki now, forming ideas as I see how she snores
This is what I call branching out... Welcome to my treehouse of horrors
Creep down toward her window, relax, it's already open a crack
No sense groping the latch - God knows I'm not supposed to do that...
I lift the glass and slip inside, torn between two lingering acts
Leave and never come back, or give in and trigger the trap?
I'm thinking the latter, quick reactions get me bigger in fact
My hands travel up Nikki's legs, slithering 'til they finger her ass
Cunt shaved bare, I tongue my favorite area craving what I can't have
Running quick laps with my mouth when Nikki wakes up and says..."Dad?"
Lights turn on fast; My wife's in the hall making shocked little sounds
I sit up with a gasp... Then watch her robe drop to the ground
My wife approaches us smiling and goes, "Fuck her, you know you're allowed"
Emotions abound, no slowing down when your sex drive goes to town
I targeted Nikki's mouth, she sucked me off 'til I was hard as a brick
My wife got in position and ate her out... Welcome to my garden of sin
I lined them up doggystyle then thrusted in one after the other
A passionate lover, but this act's a rebuttle for someone asking for trouble
Plastered my nut on Nikki's face, I felt humiliated and disgraced
I knew feelings would go away if I threw them in the basement to decay
That's the nature of the beast; I walk Nikki to the foyer so she can leave
Conversation ceased, whoever drove her waited in the street
It's no secret I'm not her dad... But stay quiet please
I handed the escort a wad of cash and asked, "Same time next week?"
She agreed; Fantasies won't ever be real nor ever seem perfect
Some sexual perversions aren't possible unless you fork out for the service
Like an Ouroboros a vicious circle formed... But it was worth it
Man bit the apple on purpose...

God's mistake was not forbidding the serpent.

Now let it digest.
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Old 07-22-2020, 07:35 PM   #5
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"Adam was but human--this explains it all. He did not want the apple for
the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden."
-Mark Twain

Isn't it true? Do we not want the most forbidden of fruits
What if the serpent was shown and it was a mirror image of you?
Are you appaled or surprised that you've been caught in a lie?
Knowing the truth, would you go to your roots, go back to the garden & die?
Forever we'll live with regret, our souls should be ripped from our flesh
Can you imagine a world with no sickness or death, no wickedness left
Instead of getting the heavens to fold multiply the pleasures we know
I wonder, still -- What could've been better than the breath that we hold?
Instead, we sleep with our scars, in return, our dreams are bizarre
The most contradicting of thoughts, isn't it human to reach for the stars?
Shouldn't we have an ocean of hope? Shouldn't the motive be growth?
Are we expected to sink? Is it too much to be hoping for both?
Did you get caught in the tussle, was it too hard of a struggle?
Would you be relieved if you were told this was all part of the puzzle
The decision He made, it's like the heavens exploded
He made us from clay, but He knew that it was meant to be molded
Believe in the power of G-d, He knew we would've ate from the tree
He just wanted his garden to flourish, and we did -- Thanks for the seed
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Old 07-24-2020, 07:13 AM   #6
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Universe- Urrg. The fact that there are people out there who actually do stuff like this hammered the feel of horror home. This was vivid, shocking imagery in places that really pushed the envelope but also really got the point across. You always bring clever wordplay and vivid imagery in the stories you tell, making this easy to read but paradoxically hard because of the subject matter being discussed. Perfect connection to the topic. Strong rhyme scheme, nothing forced. Great work.

Razah- Damn, am I glad you signed up for this. You took a straightforward take on the topic but you laced it with great philosophical musings and compound rhyme scheme which never faltered or felt forced. Great sense of flow and easy to follow despite the sophistication of the subject matter being discussed. It's a shame you weren't here for the season; I've got no doubt you'd have been swimming at the top of the league.

Fuck, this was hard to call. Battle of the week in my opinion. Both had great takes, great sign offs, strong rhyme schemes, one was a great (and disturbing) story, the other a great philosophical debate. Aaaaaahhhhh....

Vote- Universe, just edged it with a more creative topic.

I wouldn't be surprised if this went back and forth a lot. Excellent job gentlemen.
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Old 07-24-2020, 10:37 PM   #7
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So I've read both of these verses multiple times.

I SHOULDN'T hold Universe's past verses against him, but I hate to say, in this case, I have to do it.

The shock value of incest, sex, and perversion is a little too played out for me.

Razah's verse is good, while it seems to bounce around without saying much, stuck to a them with the quote provided.

It's hard to vote against Universe due to his immaculately clean multi's and sick rhyming.
That being said, I tire of his perversion and incest.
And will give this to Razah, who's rhyme scheme is very clean and I personally think related the quote much more than Universe.

So, while this is a tough vote, and Universe is dope, I think I have to give this to Razah based on my numbness to Universe's perversions, and the quality rhyme scheme of Razah and relation to the quote.

V. Razah.
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Old 07-25-2020, 06:11 AM   #8
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I don’t usually read other people’s votes after reading the battle but I caught the top of Pharoah’s just now and I have to say, I agree, it does feel a little stale and old hat to me. The trouble with these shock value type verses is that without the shocking factor they lose some of their impact - and given what we’ve witnessed throughout the season, these incestuous murderer angles have become weekly subjects unfortunately. We’ve seen it before time and time over, and while I understand the bigger picture thematic element you said you intended to carry on right through the season, you gave the “twist” away by telling us your intention before exacting your ploy. As good as the writing is, it started to feel stale and almost redundant weeks ago. You’ve stuck with it, and I admire that determination, but it’s almost become expected of you - I’d be more shocked if you wrote something that wasn’t of this nature at this point to be truthful. Lol. That’s not so much a slight as my genuine opinion, it seems others feel the same also.

Razah: Good to see you active again, always liked your style you bring to the table as it offers something different than we’re used to seeing typically and that’s a breath of fresh air in these waters. The direct style works, it has your usual punchline-esque quality to it with strong wording of quoteables scattered throughout and you toy around with the scheme effortlessly. It’s a very refined pen you have, shown up and shown why you’re a former champ. I think you caught Uni sleeping this week.

I gotta go with Razah here with an edge
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Old 07-25-2020, 01:02 PM   #9
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Alright guys this was a very close battle and I can understand why many voters have shyed away from it.

Universe - As others have said I'm sort of immune to your shock imagery at this point as we've seen you write some pretty fucked up stories this szn lol but this wasn't your most gag inducing one. I thought the way you tied everything together at the end was great, I mean the last couple bars were really well put and summed the whole piece up wonderfully, but other than that there wasn't anything super heavy here I think the subject could have been executed a little better like had a higher stakes to it? That's just my opinion, it was okay for what it was but far from your best work

Razah - I really wish you had been a season regular because I enjoyed this, the poetic language was nice your rhyme schemes were dope they were weaved through the verse effortlessly. But as far as a story goes though I couldn't really follow anything, it bounced around and wasn't solid on that front but as far as the way you said everything it sounded good.

Voting Universe here, because while his execution wasn't perfect he was technically proficient and had a coherent story through and through. Just my opinion
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Old 07-25-2020, 02:36 PM   #10
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i enjoyed this battle. it was a stylistic clash to me. pure storytelling vs pure topical.

uni, this had many of your trademarks. the visceral/deviant nature of it, sexual desire, whether taboo or not seems to be a recurring theme with a few of your work. what i really like about this one was how it tied to the topic. It was really cool. you told a story and peruse the philosophical layer of it all while displaying the wordplays that's synonymous of your style lulz. However, i will have to echo other's issue in that i've seen this stuff before from you. Granted, it was a clever tie-in with the topic but its not necessarily outside of any comfort zone you know? nonetheless, this was an engaging final product.

razah, lots of super cool verbiage and ideas here. the scar line was awesome - no not because it had my name in it but the idea was cool. as too was the clay line. As a topical, this was pretty cool. and i love how you chose to dissect the topic head on. Ultimately it seems to discuss our innate urges and that if we are of god's image, maybe he has these quality as well. Super interesting verse that i really enjoyed.

I honestly felt the techniques were pretty much on par. The concepts were both engaging. One chose to dive head first into the topic, the other used traditional narration to illustrate and discuss the topic. man, this is hard.

ok, so after thinking it a few times over, i think i will go with Universe only because not only was his story engaging (albeit cliche in according to his topical choice), it was still able to incorporate the topic in a very cool way. Razah, was more a philosophical musing that although very interesting, didnt have that extra umph in it. I can honestly say that it was a very close bout to me.

v/Universe
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Old 07-25-2020, 08:01 PM   #11
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UNI

You know I would say that it’s a big stake as well but honestly I think people are focusing on a small part to your verse. The shock value aspect of it shouldn’t be the vocal point. I thought the overall message of when given a chance, people will do what they truly desire. No matter what it could be. In this case weird sex lol. I dug it man it was dope piece that read a little more relaxed than what you usually right. And like I said I liked how you wove the message into your story.


Razah

Ok so this a dope piece aswell. You started off on fire and kept it going pretty good through out the verse. I think you took the same route UNI did just in a different path line if that makes sense. I enjoyed the way you made the verse with direct tone. It worked for what you wrote. The only thing that maybe it’s just me being picky but for me atleast toward the middle you asked a lot of questions or wrote in question form. Which I thought was cool for bit. I think if you would asked those questions spread out instead one after the other, would make them hit stronger. Overall though i thought the last half of your verse was the best part of the verse.


Overall


This is a tough one but I think I’m going with UNI on this simply because I liked how he delivered his message. Slightly edging Razah in this one. Def a dope match and thanks for the read fellas.

Uni
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Old 07-26-2020, 02:22 AM   #12
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@dead man @Exis @Candy @brokenhal0 needs some more votes fellas 4-2 upping
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Old 07-26-2020, 10:35 PM   #13
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Universe- Interesting take graphic cool cringe i like it you know what your doing and it shows .

Razah- Good read i felt like you held back a bit in terms of creativeness it was a bit more poetic and i would have probably gave it the W if it had a bit more edge good verse none the less.

Vote- Universe
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