06-29-2017, 12:30 AM | #1 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
vanished
I'm the saddest man on the planet
dulcet zones become eruptions of death memorizing vocal tones, or numbing distress most ballads, hit home, requiem out of balance such a synergistic release comes from, this basket of malice ill have it to here - 22oz black coffee french press sinning continuously, in her black coffee sun dress anarchy is best dressed, brown leather lounge padded headrest takes a village to raise a child, theres no one to raise it with us pillaged through blades of grass, photosynthetic assortment spilling your flask til its empty, blood served in a brass veil vivider mass pavilion. mom kept the pictures of dad, still photo album laminating. magnifying glass on an anthill steel razor tandem. Dear, anybody, anywhere who has ears in a position to translate. this ballad i have here monochromatic morse code willing to listen. put your phone down. stethoscope to a torso I trot through universes i never knew that existed, thinking of becoming perfect with you, seemed so delicious. I press my lips against windows you've brandished just to kiss what you've managed to touch ive become calloused. and rough. galloping stallion tusk and you vanish |
06-29-2017, 01:50 PM | #2 | |
HALL OF FAME
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 16,171
Battle Record: 3-5
Rep Power: 0 |
Abject disjointed nonsensical psychosis. Up to your usual par.
Grat
__________________
Quote:
|
|
07-01-2017, 08:45 AM | #3 |
Allan o dywyllwch
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 163
Battle Record: 10-0
Champed - AOWL Season 7
- Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 514456 |
^^lol whut!
Maybe I'm just more in-tuned to textcee topical writing but this was really clear to me. The pain and the sadness were being expressed in like a burst of thoughts that splattered throughout your verse. " Dear, anybody, anywhere who has ears in a position to translate. this ballad i have here monochromatic morse code willing to listen. put your phone down. stethoscope to a torso" ^^This was what really held your verse together. You explained that you were struggling to come to terms with and understand yourself what thoughts were coming out, which made sense of the rest of the verse. |
07-08-2017, 04:49 PM | #4 |
living
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,465
Battle Record: 33-18
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Champed - AOWL Season 1
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 4
- Write Week V
- GWL Season 1
Rep Power: 77606676 |
this felt like a re-introduction.
all your verses. well, most... feel like a story of your via photo album. if that makes sense. it is almost like a chain of raw imagery that you anticipate your audience to attach to something greater. latch on to what relates and sit there comfortably. you're meeting us just about halfway and allowing everybody to jump into the openness. which is excellent, as long as you provide us with somewhere safe to land. which you do. it never feels TOO open or TOO claustrophobic. it is still relatable and strange and sad as you intend it to be. as personal and public as you had anticipated. thanks. post more 1
__________________
Zack Wicks for president |
07-09-2017, 07:57 AM | #5 | ||
Om
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6,473
Battle Record: 8-16
Rep Power: 84181559 |
I remember your writtens always having this strong aesthetic appeal for me. Strong, sensuous mood derived from deliberate diction. This probably reads cluttered to anyone with out flow. In moments when you do compromise on the perfect bar flow, its still led along by by the words.
This moved along in a somewhat open endend way, with lines like Quote:
Quote:
I had to Google like 4 words though and im pissed 4/10
__________________
BIRDHORSE 8-15 Last edited by Fig; 07-09-2017 at 08:02 AM. |
||
07-09-2017, 09:19 AM | #6 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
wow thanks!!!!!!!!! k ill post more. nice to see you fig i just mens him u other d-i
|
07-09-2017, 07:38 PM | #7 |
Om
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6,473
Battle Record: 8-16
Rep Power: 84181559 |
:D
__________________
BIRDHORSE 8-15 |
07-26-2017, 07:40 PM | #8 |
White Earl
|
Pretty dope.
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est |
Tags |
lacks archetype comprehension, utter trash |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|