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08-07-2015, 12:22 AM | #1 | |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
And I gotta agree the way you suggested structuring the part you quoted is a smoother way of going about it. "Calm myself down and be measured", when it's written that way, so to speak. A lot of it has to do with whether or not I want to use "hey" as an emphasized rhyme with the other LongA's... when i wrote it, I did not really make it so.. but i like how "yours", does. see basically i was moreso emphasizing "free" "emcee" and "funna", believe it or not. (with caged&strange, and the A's kind of being a "quieter internal bonus").. whereas when I read yours, both "hey" and "love" become more involved in the emphasis. I like the suggestion. I "make mine work personally", but it's all about display, and that's why I appreciate the feed. What you said about the way you've been approaching writing lately seems very unorthodox, but intriguing. I shall have to try it some time. In some ways it's a 180 from my process but I like trying new thingz. I suppose I should say (more explicitly for those who don't know), that my "dishrag" line, (I think) was inspired by something you wrote in the past. I can't give you the exact wording. I think it was you who wrote it; will elaborate later if you want. And I'd be lying if I said the flippant "Tinder" line wasn't inspired by @something, and the "moonlit nights" line inspired by @Gina.. which is one of the reasons why I tagged you 3. It's respect. lol Anyone who thinks I make "biting" my "process" doesn't understand what I'm trying to do. About the "pleasure chemicals"... I was wondering how that would be received by others, because even for me it was pushing the envelope.. can't help myself sometimes... it's not a rhyme, but kinda like a syllable trick with "neurological". kinda like mash'em together.. pleasurechemicals. (i know-i know, this is text. lol) in that respect i suppose the preceding comma "could go", which goes back to our discussion of how we want things displayed. believe it or not, compared to some of my other things there is "less fat" in here. (Guess that's not saying much). But if i can cut more, I will explore, and try to do that. Thanks Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 08-07-2015 at 12:27 AM. |
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