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Old 07-07-2018, 12:00 AM   #1
brokenhal0
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Default wish followed in the mist kid

the buildings on a slant see the force advance
only a sheep follows laws of chance
only a beast fall for the laws of man
sword in hands cuttin bands
you don't stand a fucking chance
solar waves shape forms in squares
hit the breaks cause the wall expands
pans labyrinth with the hand to hands
lilith kiss now sleep in the hall of plants
backed out the amulet it's hazardous
cant scrambled the gambit gan gambled it
gang affiliate not a color more like billy the kid
my signs spoke existence in a static world
of resistance the instant my eyes opened

its lit so we die hopeless open wide
pride omen bust that pussy wide open
you feel disgusted good i hope you die choking
better then you never will think
thats why im bitter
then a dead did a ble being difficult brings of bizarre
interval swings and the cymbals will ring
the incense disperse spirits will sing as they enter the turf
cows glow in some dirt sub terrain roman earth
with half gods fat boys and loudmouths
they observe cause severity slayed dragons off the roundhouse

i smell jasmine the spirits are here
wrapping tables wrapped with big boy drugs
natural grasping of angels lucifieric jumper cables
faded out feeling anxious thank god the tank is empty
on the lowest plank of plankton don't own more then me
i gained the world by losing nothing at all
and you gained it all for losing everything at best...


wish
followed in the mist kid

Last edited by brokenhal0; 07-07-2020 at 07:58 AM.
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Old 07-07-2018, 12:51 AM   #2
Pharaohs Army
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can scrambled the gambit gan gambled it
is 'gan' a word?

gang affiliate not a color more like billy the kid
my signs spoke existence in a static world
of resistance the instant my eyes opened

I'm having trouble finding the rhyme in these 3 lines at the end of the stanza.
I see Resistance and instant; that's about it.

better then you never will think and thats why im better
This sounds like a 2tripple0 line.

then a dead did a ble being difficult brings of bizzare
what in the world does this line mean? It's not even english.

loud smoke in church cows glow in dirt
can smoke be loud?
it's a good rhyme but pretty nonsensical. cows glow in dirt?

sub terrian roman earth with half gods fat boys
and loudmouths they observe cause
severity slayed dragons off the roundhouse

Not much rhyme on these final 3 lines of the stanza either. I see earth and observe; that's about it.

I'm not even gonna quote the last stanza because I thought it was even worse than the first 2.

Also, you misspelled 'than' as 'then' a couple times.

Sorry to be harsh but I find this to be supbar. I think you've got better in you; try again.

Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 07-07-2018 at 01:02 AM.
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Old 07-14-2018, 01:49 AM   #3
brokenhal0
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how can a army in the pharoah understand the pharoah of the army
gods army of pharors nah vinnie paz more like rob zombie

thank you for the feed
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Old 07-14-2018, 04:14 PM   #4
Eŋg
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