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Old 10-24-2014, 07:15 PM   #1
Malachi
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These fools is behind
Better be Heinz and catch up nigga
Us cats us buzzin like felines n a couple beehives
The cause of these rappers decline just chillin, sittin in a recline
I'm what defines a dough fiend
Catch me ODing but wit mo commas mo dramas be approaching
Rep Houston on this microphone like codeine in the two styrofoam though never slowing
till my contacts align wit contracts and the Mac get stacked wit Chedder Jack for the Kraft infact
Puff puff pass so you can see it through the stanzas
How the art bruise the canvas is fly as influenzas
But cypher members never
Don't you remember Momma said don't play wit ya meals
Hoping this Mic Checkin get me mills resemblin Jordan Nike deals
Don't dare bring no steel to this fight of pencils
Before you stenciled out on the concrete you can't compete with the ink spill
Stuck in the bars but not allowed to drink still

Like I've been killing these sixteens and I ain't reached the age
A slave to the page till I see my grave but no whips or chains could make
putting my soul for auction an option
The way they jaws is Fallin', I guess I awed'em
Kinda like the season, the salt ain't ceasin since I started siezin throne region .
Know Reign or shine ain't dependant on rain or shine
Crowned King Author, the game is mine.
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Old 10-27-2014, 12:35 AM   #2
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Will feed you if fed
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Old 10-28-2014, 02:11 PM   #3
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@Malachi can you put a link to the beat you wrote to?
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Old 10-28-2014, 02:18 PM   #4
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@Malachi can you put a link to the beat you wrote to?


Malachi, this was kind of simple compared to some of your other stuff. The beginning was the problem: The "decline" rhymes were thin, and you used a ketchup line right at the start that kind of ruined the whole thing. The content and rhymes improved a little as they went on, but it didn't seem as interesting or unique as some of the other stuff you've posted lately.
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Old 10-28-2014, 04:40 PM   #5
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Malachi, this was kind of simple compared to some of your other stuff. The beginning was the problem: The "decline" rhymes were thin, and you used a ketchup line right at the start that kind of ruined the whole thing. The content and rhymes improved a little as they went on, but it didn't seem as interesting or unique as some of the other stuff you've posted lately.
The ketchup line was corny huh lool sounded fire when I thought of it at first
But thanks for the feed bruh
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Old 10-28-2014, 05:20 PM   #6
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@Malachi can you put a link to the beat you wrote to?
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Old 10-29-2014, 05:02 PM   #7
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didn't really like the ketchup line either, but I was digging the way you coupled your rhymes.
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Old 11-03-2014, 11:34 PM   #8
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Good effort. The wordplay puns were kind of basic, but they are always difficult to do well (either they are too complicated or they are face-palmingly cliched - E.g., 'field of ponds'.) You did best when you focused on being direct like the part about "Like I've been killing these sixteens and I ain't reached the age." You could have wrote a lot more about that, it might have been very OK.
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Old 11-08-2014, 12:22 PM   #9
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Don't you remember Momma said don't play wit ya meals
Hoping this Mic Checkin get me mills resemblin Jordan Nike deals
Don't dare bring no steel to this fight of pencils
Before you stenciled out on the concrete you can't compete with the ink spill
Stuck in the bars but not allowed to drink still
^dug it

Like I've been killing these sixteens and I ain't reached the age
A slave to the page till I see my grave but no whips or chains could make
Know Reign or shine ain't dependant on rain or shine
Crowned King Author, the game is mine.
more cool ideas, king author was okayish but in the context it's pretty cool



in a nutshell I like what you're going for, it reads like an actual rap and has a lot of that swagger. I thought it got a bit stretched at times

Rep Houston on this microphone like codeine in the two styrofoam though never slowing
till my contacts align wit contracts and the Mac get stacked wit Chedder Jack for the Kraft infact

could've used some punctuation or a break inbetween for the sake of the reader (though it might just be me)

but yeah some of the wordplay was a little eh (didn't like the heinz catch up thing cause it's done, cats buzzing like felines in behives was funny cause it read well) but there was clever stuff (dug the shit about your age and the potential for the reign or shine idea)

keep it up and write more often, you're a good writer
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Old 11-08-2014, 05:24 PM   #10
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Sup



Ya the ketchup line don't work in text. I will be honest I thought at first that this was intentionally using some simple and played out concepts in the beginning which I them realized it wasn't. But u hit ur stride around that Jordan line. Not bad Malachi. Not bad. Thanks for the read
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