BLACK - Padmasana

[dead man]

/


jada pinkett-smith-n-wesson. aim it at your kid's confession
let them die in solitude. your atheism: ineffective
mountaintops at suppertime. the opulent, the iridescent
plaster smear collage suggestive. murder what she disinfected
common theme: the disconnect, affection or hatred
breakfast is bacon. tables set for pleasantry's sake
the headrush. relish it, wait. close your eyes and follow the trace
our sidewalk ends along the blockage we paved. solemn and gray
business cards the lobby for change. clocks in the morgue
seem pointless like politics pre-Solonic reform
deadman, half zombie/half lawyer. literal Lebron in the courts
Muhammad with a ring like Tails and Sonic absorb
hostile, but moreso idiotic and tortured. rocket the torso
swallowing swords on phencyclidine in goggle and snorkel
constance amore. let me into all of your doors, darling
i could make you want me if i wanted it more
with a black metal credit card the confidence soars
but you're not at the store. and here the conflict arises
narcotics and nitrous at any festival ground
seizing on a blanket in the midst of a crowd
lungs, stomach, gallbladder, liver and heart
listen closely to your muscle tissues ripping apart
unraveling. vitality like yarn in a spoke
cartilage rope. i let it SNAP so i could talk to a ghost
onomatopoeia. click. focus and zoom
i always feel like everything is over too soon
watching moments accrue. checkmark goals to fulfill
make proposals at will. & still window-shop like @oats in Brazil
congratulations, grab an ass. think lavish when you plan engagements
send expensive invitations. spring for lace and lamination
stick it to the latin nation. hammer wasted, killer shark
killer dart, killer cobra. smoke and sarsaparilla soda
snot sulfur. sinus cinnamon. syntactic cirrhosis
barely focused, talent natural like chamomile. or yoga
composite grain alcohol and standard neurosis
blocking cellular functioning like a handful of Motrin
sand and salt and solitude. that coastal aroma
cognitive closure. meditative padmasana, the lotus
juvenile, slow motion. weezy after blazing a pack
making memories a manifest while making it clap
everything is everything. it's basic as that -
one man's catacomb is just another maze for the rats





- black

[Frank]

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4un7Jedpicg

[oats]

This was the kind of "flex" I like since it's not a flex in the sense that typically gets thrown about here (braggadocious shit), but a flex of skill and literary muscle. There wasn't any discernible thread tying it together as a whole, rather a bombardment of individual flashes of dopeness. Opening lines may be my favorite - that second line is so smugly honest and cold and intelligent - though they're rivaled by the section of liver and heart down to over too soon. Of course the part mentioning me was obviously the best part, I will revel in the big butt beauty for you.

It's clear you've hit a point where you're confident to just release and let your rhymes take you, and you're confident enough in your talent to pull it off as well as you do. Not much to critique here, though I hope to see you tackle a more singular subject soon; I think this is more natural for you, but some of your most memorable verses bloom from a more focused angle. Great verse per usual.

[RD McFly]

I had a love/hate relationship with this piece when it started out...felt like a freestyle type of joint but with a more complex intellect. Parts I felt were just forced to rhyme and fragmented thoughts but it all seems relevant and related. It got better as it continued and really just kept flowing, it was a quick read despite the length. I enjoyed it but there was a section that just stood out on its own.

"constance amore. let me into all of your doors, darling
i could make you want me if i wanted it more
with a black metal credit card the confidence soars"

the multis in there just hit on rhythm and flexed...

nice piece man, I enjoyed.

[dead man]

:-J

[DexLabb]

hot shit hot fiya whats up? yeah liked it. i enjoy when you use more tangible concepts and toss in real world references... some times your writing can be far too intangible and unreachable.. which i assume has its place here... sidebar, dope

[Zen]

I get angry when I read a piece from you because you have an almost poetic grasp of language and rhyming that I can only tap into on a base level. You've mastered it.

You're descriptions of settings are your strongest point I think. You paint pictures with your lyrics. The nitrous to muscles ripping apart section was my favorite example of that in this section. In all honesty that's a great talent that could be utilized better than topicals. I'm trying to sit down now in my free time and write a novel, you should absolutely at least attempt to write one. Seriously.

Well, I think I've patted you on the back enough lol. Enjoyed as always. Peace.

[DexLabb]

n what im interested to see is a half way hip hop verse.. like the lebron line, goggles, etc.. u had ofwgkta references in other verses.. love to see that. steamlining your consciousness is a good step, working on ur lines for centuries turns them to dust.

[dead man]

L-:

[Dragon]

Sorry if i missed a deeper meaning to this piece, all i got was a bit of a bragging feel from it. It had some funny lines in there. I enjoyed the sonic line the most. This was cool for a flex piece. Your flow is always on point, and your vocabulary adds to it rather than taking it away. Which is a good thing. I would like to hear a audio from you, that would be pretty beastly. Your style reminds me of Baron Mynd. entertaining read, my dude. write more and ill read more.

[Kin]

jada pinkett-smith-n-wesson. aim it at your kid's confession
let them die in solitude. your atheism: ineffective
mountaintops at suppertime. the opulent, the iridescent
plaster smear collage suggestive. murder what she disinfected...

that shits knockin' right there!

everything is everything. it's basic as that -
one man's catacomb is just another maze for the rats
-endin' dope as hell....DAMNNN

so too me tha opening an closing was the dopest part....kinda strayed to random topics at points...but thats the way it was written so I'm not hatin' on it..

creative use of ya words in here...imagery is crazy too

You got my attention no doubt

Good Piece right here

HoLLa

[gitto138]

Yo tats like daylyt shit right there, had to keep tracing my foot steps to follow your lead
and you took me somewhere man,,, wow

[veritas]

everything is everything. it's basic as that -
one man's catacomb is just another maze for the rats

[UnbornBuddha]

Your very talented, your writing is structured, and the multisyllabic patterns are on point. Although your writing incorporates the abstract parts of existence, and almost fuses them in a nexus of a perspective that resembles a nihilist, or existentialist of some sort.
Yet at the same time you use many naturalist derived themes, as well as many other modern related themes, and concepts such as science, and pharmaceutical inspired metaphors. Your writing seems very fluid, but it is a little bit hard to understand due to the almost randomness of the concepts linked together. It does imply you have a very strong imagination.
This 3 lines particularly stood out for me, especially the last three.
"barely focused, talent natural like chamomile. or yoga
composite grain alcohol and standard neurosis
blocking cellular functioning like a handful of Motrin
cognitive closure. meditative padmasana, the lotus"

The last two had this certain relativity to it that is displays the knowledge you possess. The very fact you stated cognitive closure to a specific meditative pose implies a certain knowledge, or research you've clearly done into the practice, and its implication on the mind/ senses.

In retrospect I liked it.