ROUND ONE: #4 FRANK vs #5 BROKENHAL0 FRANK WINS 3-0

[Adverse]

AOWL Season X PLAYOFF ROUND ONE


Verse Due: SATURDAY, AUGUST 27TH @ 11:59PM EST

Line min: 10

Max: 40


Rules: http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=150311

Topic:


@brokenhal0 @Master Rock @Frank

GOOD LUCK

[brokenhal0]

''SITTING ABOVE IT ALL''

*is love*



In downtown Manhattan a chanting crowd is gathering round
south street sea port near the dock to hear some splashing sounds
the waves crashed around the waters splashing loud
the water splashed so high it scared the crowd
dumping sewage all over the trashy ground
police on loudspeakers start yelling '' clear it out ''
no one listens they move closer curious to what creatures
make such mysterious growls.


Distant jeers abound the piers are now surrounded by every man in town
staring down into the choppy waters of the hudson sound
seconds later giant lizards with furry heads float up and down
the coast guard surrounds them but they submerge below the surface
and can't be found.

Edwin's drinking his beer with his piercing blues eyes staring down
lighting a marlboro cigarette he took the filter out
sitting on a stoplight 15 feet above the ground
cans of beer on his crown
staring at a bleached blonde woman named alyssa
alyssa looked like she could be a stripper edwin wished he could kiss her
alyssa's standing in the bike lane wearing booty shorts pouting her cheeks taking pictures
down the block a hippopotamus is getting pulled into a U-haul by a bunch hipsters
pedestrians don't even notice something so absurd
there too busy staring at the lizards.

The lizards re-surface and start climbing up brooklyns bridges
giant komodo dragons with teeth like scissors eating rats and pigeons
one lizard is staring at a group of men who hit it with beers and dishes
the lizards bloodied claws scrape the pier tongue flicks it's snake eyes glisten
a cos-player dressed as spider man attempts to kick one
this causes the lizard to chase the man down and bite his dick off.

An astro van pulls up 10 gang members jump out
wearing face mask and hoodies pulling clubs out
ball peen hammers pillow cases to carry the funds out
they start looting a store called imperial dragon jewelry
the owner is a chinese man named louie and louie can't afford to lose it all
he fires a shot from his old luger off - the bullet ends up hitting a kid
caught in the crossfire of truer thought
edwin finds this amusing swat teams trying to remove the doors
but there trampled by the crowd running through the streets
like a circus of doomed report.

Edwin keeps drinking saying in his head im glad to be above you all
tall drunk and nervous the craziness in the street is bittersweet like his first day of service
serenaded by the trampling of people under his feet running away from murders
like the unbothered king in his castle the towers slowly crumbling under his seat.

Edwin's in deep thought ignoring all the commotion under his tennis shoes
all of sudden a sharp object scrapes his cheek
waking him up 'ON' his way to sleep
some one in the crowd got some bad aim - but that reminded edwin
maybe it's time to leave.

Alyssa screams let's go ''this shit is getting out of control''
edwin moves slow struggling his way down the lamp post
alyssa watches a homeless crackhead with no arms manage to light a stem
edwin takes a sip of his beer and feels the high within
something about alyssa made edwin grin like meeting a friend from a past life again
the absurdity of reality always wins under city lights certain attractions bleed within.

Sitting under the street lights in south street sea port brought about peace
alyssa found a detour as they started running south east
this reminds edwin of those bull fights in south greece
when he trained to be a matador but got gored by the devout beast
blood spills on raining cloud spheres benny's a sad clown with some sand shoes
made money on the south pier now he locks himself in the nearest bathroom
as the lizards claws scrape down the bathroom door this can only spell bad news
before they attack benny says to the lizards my last wish will make you laugh too.

Under a street light dimmed
lizards leap 20 feet in the air landing on anything with edible skin
across the street a delivery driver on a moped crashes into a parked sedan
the lizards jump on his sternum and start to rip apart his hands
seconds later the screaming ends
the delivery man gets pulled under a yellow taxi cab never to be seen again.

If alyssa only known what happened to edwin in Fallujah
special operations where werewolf soldiers roamed the valleys of medusa
under the guidance of a warlord named abdullah
summoning djinn using a sacred ruler
in time square the lights flashing in the night air
remind edwind of the tracer rounds taking life with light spared
the city's breeze feels like those desert dunes
something must of evoked those forces
reveling the coordinates of those mercenary death platoons
near central park an albanian orphan ex-special forces alcoholic
forces a horse to walk circles around your coffin
for the amusement of others tapped into the distortion.

Edwin killed many terrorist that were hiding in trees sniping out leaking sewers
but what edwin loved the most was drinking a 40oz on top a stop light
in the streets of newark.

It was a hot day that summer when the reptilians invaded
a dark skinned naked obese fat man sitting on a bench eating a raspberry danish
offers edwin another beer edwin questions his sanitary methods
but the beer was cold and the night was young as the dawn appears
alyssa said im not waiting here she walked across the street to the world trade center
maybe she can trade ideas the beer was so refreshing it literally quenched edwins thirst
and washed away his tears the lizards took over the city but edwin was to brave to care
he lives a street life you can find him in any town with a lamp post and a street light
''we will meet you there''.

[Frank]

Johnny couldn’t wait to get high: The probation officer monitored his ankle bracelet, behind the drapes and the blinds
Destination-less sirens, serenaded and whined: the squad cars lights made, Johnny dizzy, as he vomited on the city, while he surveillanced for crime
The scalding pavement was dehydrated & dry… until Johnny threw up, intoxicated & blatantly lied, like meter maids to drivers, traffic violations & fines
The crowd looked on annoyed & vengeful: as Johnny pointed to the window, like the sniper deployed to kill folks who pose a threat to their safety confines
A young lady waved “Hi!” before she made it inside—shutting it down and locking it down like New York City did before the contagion arrived [...]
The Mayor declined to comment. He blocked it out, but his ears rung continuous, buzzing with the belligerence of hundreds of high strung citizens.
Johnny became numb with indifference, as the city became, overrun with lividness: Johnny cracked open his dozenth, sipping it, till he was under the influence
He looked into the New York night
As the task force lined up, with horses that bite and all of their might, the street corners were tight, people were cornered and tight.
As the crowd fought for their rights: Johnny opened a Coors Light, as the police sirens got blue, like the mountain label, watery bright
Cars honking their horns, as he swallowed the alcohol and started to fall, asleep to the awful applause like the orchestra at Carnegie Hall
People were appalled and stalled: People were wall to wall. Johnny saw the long arm of the law, as the ankle bracelet went off like a car alarm
He barfed on and on, like a river of sewage, the noise & window pollution was dismal and druid, people felt belittled and ruthless.
The militant movement sent a ripple effect through the sewers that could be felt by the alligator and the hideous mutant. [...]
The patrolling cops, patrolled the over-loaded block, circled around and drove the swat to the helicopter that roamed and watched,
as Johnny opened another Rolling Rock
The commotion got Johnny spinning like approaching spotlights, as he blacked out and regained consciousness: totaled and sloshed
“I’m hung over! I'm zonked!” Johnny spilled his beer on the curb: the faint scent/smell of rubber peeling off: officers steering to swerve
People concealing their herb: Johnny throwing up: people veered from the hurl, as he cracked another Steel Reserve, with his heel on his turf.

“4:30 To 6 P.M

NO RIGHT WHEELED TURNS”

Johnny Walkers father made moonshine on the outskirts of some small town in some rural setting.
At the end of the prohibition era: he moved his family to the big city to pursue his profession
Johnny come from a big family of drinkers, from Louisiana to Memphis, he grew up truth telling and bootlegging
“First you take the drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes YOU.” He said, proof checking—
Johnny's ankle bracelet started sounding like a garbage truck backing up with the chute revving—As people threw trash at the recruit and lieutenant
Johnny drank another Pabst Blue Ribbon, as the red and blue sirens showed up on the brews reflection, each sip, more cooler and refreshing
New Yorkers booing the President, while others voted for number 45: others revolted and rioted, until the city smoldered and died
The people chose sides: as Johnny rose up and spoke his mind: the crowd lifted him up above their shoulders onto the lamp post sign
Stoic: he opened a Colt 45, as his Parole Officer opened the blinds and saw Johnny from the 12th floor through a telescope of eyes.
The Parole Officer closed the blinds, grabbed a remote and fired a signal into the ankle bracelet, that he could feel go up his spine—
Composed and reclined—The cities glamour and glitz shined like the 9 millimeters in twilight!
Swigging liters of the Miller High Life: Breathalyzers on the Policeman's side, like heaters in a drive by [...]
Some got fired, others retire before their corrupted by their higher ups and other cops are just and admired.
Some tuck in their wires and others are thugs for hire: Johnny drank it all in, like Budweisers
Rubber tires, dumpster fires, the ruckuses choir, the disruptive violence, the busted hydrants, the cops and the crowds,
Johnny blocked it out: opened an Icehouse, and plopped down, with the bird’s eye view: pigeons flocking around...
“I’m a lightweight!” He said, as he clonked out, and everything got slurred. Johnny stood up like King Kong and shouted absurd:
“Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world!” As the cops merged, the helicopters purred.

[...]
[...]
[...]

Johnny was a big drinker, he had to have had lot of nerve to climb up there, like that, with the riots clashing
Nobody drove Johnny to drink, but they sure had to drive him back, from that Island Manhattan. . .
They say his hangover was like lighting. I don’t think I’ve drank enough beer to understand that wisdom. . .
Johnny wasn’t an alcoholic. Johnny was a drunk—as you can see, there is a vast difference

Johnny couldn’y waut to. get high: The prpbation officer monitored his ankle braceleT, behibd the drapes. and the blinds
Dearinatiin-less sirend, serenaded and whined: yhe sqyad. cars lights madeM Johnny dizzy, as he vomited. ob the city, qhile he sUrveullanced for crime
The scaldding pavement wss drhydrated & dry… unyi l Johnnu thrww u o, intoxicatef & nkatantly lued, like meter maids to dribers, ytaffic biiolations & finnes
The crowd ñooked on annoyrd & vengeful: as Johnny pointed to the window, l ikE rhe sniper deployed t. o kilk folks who oose a threat tto their safety confines
A young Lady w. aved “Hi!” before she made it inside—shut ting it down and loxKing it down like New York City did beforre the coNtagion srrived [...]
The Msyor declined to comment. He vlickrd it iut, byt his ears rung contimuous, bUzzing witH the belligerence of hundreds of hihh strung citizens.
Johmny became numb with indiffeRenceM as the city became, overrun with lividbess: Johnny crscked open hid dozentj, sipping it, till he was unfer tje onflue. nce
He looked onto the New York nigh.t
As the task force line.d up, withh horses that bite and all of their m ightM thw street cornerd were tight, peoole were coenere.d and tight.
As the crowd fouhht for their riggts: Jihnny opened a Coors Light, as the police sirens got blue, likr th. e mounTain label, watery bright
Csrs Honkinf their horns, as hr swalkowEd the alcohol and started to falñ, aaleep to the awful applause like the. orchestra at VarmefiE Hall
Peiple werr apoalled and stalled: People were wall to wall. John n. y saw the lonf ar, of the law, as the ankle bracelet weny off like a car alarm
He ba. rfed on and in, like s river of sewage, the noiae & wobdow Pollution was dis,al and srui.d, people feñt belittled and ruthlwss.
Thr militant movement dent a ripple effect through the sew. ers thay could be fekt by the alligator and the hofeous mutant. [...]
The patrolling cop. s, psteolled th e over-loafed block, circlef around and drove rhe swat to the helicopter that roamed and watched,
ss Johnby opened anothee Roll ing Rock
Tje commotion got J ohnny spinning like approaching spotligjts, as he bbkacked out amd rehained consciousness: totalwd and aloshed
“I’m hung over!. I'm zonked!” Johnny spoLled his bwer on the curb: the faint scent/smell if rubber oeeling pff: ogficerd steering to swerve
PPeople concealing th eir herb: Johnny throwing up: peoole vwerrd grom the hurl. as he crackwf another Sterl Reserve, with his heek ib h. ia turf.
“4:30 Tp 6 P.M
NO RIGHT WHEELED RURNS”




Johnny Walkerd fatherr made mionshine om tje outskirts of some small yown in some ruraal sEtting.
At the end of the proHinition era: he moved his f.amily to the bog city to p.ursue his peofession
Johnny vo,e drom a big family of drinkers, from Lpuisiana to M.emphis, he grew up truth telling and bootlegfing
“Fiest uou take the drink, then the dronk tskes a drink, then the drink takes YOU.”. He saidM Proof checkonf—
Johnny's anklw bracelet started sounding lije a garbage truck backing up with the chytE revving—As peoole threw rrash at the recruit and lieuTeenant
Johnny drsnk another Pabst Bñue Ribbon, as the rwd and bkue sirens showed ip on th. e brEws reflection, each sip, more cooler snd r.efteshing
Ne w Yorkers booing the Presodent, while others voted for number 45: oyhers revolred. and riiored, untul the city smoldEred and. dird
The people choae sides: as Johnny rosr uo and spoke his mind: the crowd l.ifteed him up above their shoulders onto the kamp post sign
Stoix: he oprned a Colt 45, as his Parole Officer openef the vlinds and saw Johnny. from the 12tj dloor through a telescope of ey. es.
The Par.ole Officer closed tHe blinds, grabbed a remote and fired a sihnal into the ankle bracelet, that he ciuld feel go up his spine—
Xomposed and reclined—The cutie s glamour and glitzz shined like tje 9 millimeters in twilight!
Swigg.ing lutees of the Miller High Lifr: NReathalyzers on tje Policeman's sidr, lile heater. a in a drive by [...]
Some got fired, others rwtire bedore yheir corrupted by rheir higher ups and otheer cops aare just and admired.
Some tyck on tjeir wires and oyhers sre thugs for hire:. Johnny drank it all in, like Budweosrrs
Ruvber tires, dumpster fires, the ruckuses choir, yhe disruotive vviolence, the busted hydrants, yhe co.pss and the crowds,
Jognny blocked itt out: opened an Icehouse, and pLopped down, with the bird’s eyr view: pigeins flocking around...
“I’m a lightwright!” Hr said, as he clonked out, snd everything got slurrrd. Johnmy stood up like King Kong and shouted absurd:
“Guve me a. Woman who loves beer and I wilk conquer t. he world!” Ss the xops mwrged, the helicopters purred.
[...]
[...]
[...]
Johnny was a big drinker, he haad to jsve had lot of nerce to climb up there, ñike that, woth yhe riots clashing
Nobpdy drove Johnny to deinj, but tjey sure had to drive him bsck, from that Island Manjattan. . .
Tjey sau his jangover was kike lighting. I don’tt thinl I’ve drank enough beer ro undetstamd that wisdom. . .
Johnny wssn’t an alcoholic. Kohnny wa s a drunk—as you can see, theere is a vast difference

[Mike Wrecka]

Ok after such a long read I’m gonna make the vote kind of brief.

Halo- started out strong , pulled me in as a reader right off the bat. Good end rhymes. Everything was firing on all cylinders. But the entire middle section, the story kind of veered off away from the monsters and included a sub plot with a love interest. Imo in topicals we don’t have the space for sub plots. Also the rhyming got a little more simplistic in this section. Finish was strong though. Also really captured Manhattan in such a way that I think you live in NY

Frank - this was a fun read as well. Multis didn’t amaze me in your usual fashion but you definitely created a scene and a vibe that really encapsulated the ny attitude. You stayed focused throughout and never strayed. I was invested.

Overall- very very close. I actually think Halos length hurt him here. The middle section dragged on and felt like filler. His highs were better than Frank’s but his lows were lower. I’m gonna vote Frank for better focus on his main storyline and overall consistency.


Vote - Frank

[Master Rock]

This was an enjoyable read on both ends. Halo had colorful verse, monsters, hippos, girls in booty shorts, etc. His verse felt like a comic book coming alive. It felt odd the pandemonium is going on and he thinking about wishing to kiss her, his drunk ass should of save the day if it was like that. Halo, your verses seem to be catering to the crowd to much and not your self. I want to see the real Halo bust out and not care...but to each their own.. Frank, you verse was ground in a sense of reality where you can actually feel that you there and rhymes where on point...I was dope you called dude Johnny walker. The verse even had history of the character and background.
No hate on the brother Halo but Frank got this one.

[sral]

I always like to give my thoughts on the topic first so it helps give some idea as to how I may have perceived it, what I may have done, something more tangible in this individual battle rather than me just saying it comes down to personal preference or whatever, hopefully it gives you guys more insight into why I may have leaned a particular way over the other guy and whatnot or an insight into the process that played a part in my deciding vote. I think this topic is tough, for me at least, largely as I prefer a more direct route. The choice here doesn’t perhaps speak to me personally as much as it would you guys as it’s clearly some sort of American setting, presumably a huge city like New York, and it looks to me as if it’s some sort of protest going on at first glance… it isn’t a protest I’m particularly familiar with, if it is one, so if this is some sort of famous photography that’s gone completely over my head I apologise. I don’t recognise it. The monochrome colouring could be used here descriptively, creating contrasts between the two, the black and white could have obvious racial tension angles perhaps but if this is more of a protest - like I first thought - perhaps it’s more feasible to go for something of light versus dark as in terms of good versus evil. The worker vs the system. The more I look at it, I notice the street sign with “Walk” or “Wait” and that could be used in the protest setting… You either wait around for the pay increase you feel you deserve and see if it comes, or you walk away from the situation and go get it yourself. Leave your desk. Go find it. Anyway, that’s enough from me with my initial thoughts, let’s see what we have here…





Halo:

In downtown Manhattan a chanting crowd is gathering round
south street sea port near the dock to hear some splashing sounds
the waves crashed around the waters splashing loud
the water splashed so high it scared the crowd
dumping sewage all over the trashy ground
police on loudspeakers start yelling '' clear it out ''
no one listens they move closer curious to what creatures
make such mysterious growls.

I’m not sure if it’s an accent thing, but “gathering” has another syllable to it when I pronounce it that throws the rhyme off slightly for me. It could be an accent thing, so I’ll let that pass, though generally I’m not a huge fan of -ing end rhymes at all. You masked it subtly by using it more internally here, but I tend to steer clear of those - just an odd insight into how I write I guess and a weird hill I choose to die on more than anything. The opener was good aside from those nitpicks and possibly needing something more descriptive than just “The water,” and “The waves,”. I know you’ve done it to keep the verbiage down and the lines shorter for the rhythmic cadence, I get it, I really do… but I do feel here you could have added a descriptor, even if just a brief one, to give it that tad bit more flourish and imagery.



Distant jeers abound the piers are now surrounded by every man in town
staring down into the choppy waters of the hudson sound
seconds later giant lizards with furry heads float up and down
the coast guard surrounds them but they submerge below the surface
and can't be found.

I liked the first two, enjoyed the choppy waters and mention of the Hudson, but then this “Giant lizards with furry heads,” just came from completely left field to me. It’s not just that you’re then stepping outside of the picture itself and world building, but there was this almost total shift in tone to the tale that went from something serious to something almost childlike and comical. I think the two felt mismatched, it needed to either start off on that more playful tip and then run with it or keep the same sort of pace you opened up with. There’s a distinct difference between what came before that and what comes after it, makes me feel like you went away from your pad or whatever right there and then came back to it later to carry on. There’s a clear shift, not just in the mindset but in the writing itself, your writers voice, the direction it’s going etc… I’m not so sure that was the best choice to make here; but let’s carry on…

Edwin's drinking his beer with his piercing blues eyes staring down
lighting a marlboro cigarette he took the filter out
sitting on a stoplight 15 feet above the ground
cans of beer on his crown

“Blues” eyes hurt a little but other than that this is solid, created a moment of imagery like a snapshot in time. I enjoyed that. Glad to see you’ve brought it right back.

staring at a bleached blonde woman named alyssa
alyssa looked like she could be a stripper edwin wished he could kiss her
alyssa's standing in the bike lane wearing booty shorts pouting her cheeks taking pictures
down the block a hippopotamus is getting pulled into a U-haul by a bunch hipsters
pedestrians don't even notice something so absurd
there too busy staring at the lizards.

WHAT. THE. FUCK? Okay, so I was with you again in the first line, the second line was almost too simplistic but I kind of let it slide again here… Alyssa needed more character development than just a name being assigned to her and a brief mention of her hair, for me at least, but this mention of “booty shorts” just went back into child like territory again. It felt quite immature after the section before it was more adult in how it was approached. The hippopotamus and lizard thing I’m really not a fan of at all, if I’m honest, I think you’re looking to hit him with something creative and out of the box but a lot of that is missing to me right now. I don’t feel it’s as engaging as when you’re not going down that route, it just feels a little uninspired and not completely related to the image topic, to me, maybe if there had been more built up around the setting to incorporate them into I would feel it more. Perhaps you think you have done enough with those mentions of Manhattan and the Hudson River and whatnot earlier on, possibly, or I could be missing a lot because I’m unfamiliar with the image pictured but I honestly don’t feel the connection there.

The lizards re-surface and start climbing up brooklyns bridges
giant komodo dragons with teeth like scissors eating rats and pigeons
one lizard is staring at a group of men who hit it with beers and dishes
the lizards bloodied claws scrape the pier tongue flicks it's snake eyes glisten
a cos-player dressed as spider man attempts to kick one
this causes the lizard to chase the man down and bite his dick off.

Right. I think I’m almost about done reading this. Fucking cosplaying Spider-Men and lizards chewing penis. You really have gone off on some wild tangent here that’s really not to my tastes at all, props for originality I guess but it needs more than that to win a topical battle and you know better.

An astro van pulls up 10 gang members jump out
wearing face mask and hoodies pulling clubs out
ball peen hammers pillow cases to carry the funds out
they start looting a store called imperial dragon jewelry
the owner is a chinese man named louie and louie can't afford to lose it all

Another character with a name assigned to him and little else. The character development (or lack of) here is hurting you. As a reader I can’t bring myself to care about these disposable characters because I’m not invested in them at all, you should really work on that to try and give readers some kind of emotional investment to care enough that they want to read on and find out what happens to this character. Right now they’re forgettable as they’re just names on a page (Okay, he’s Chinese also, but aside from that we really don’t know who he is or why we should care if he gets his dick eaten by a Komodo Dragon or not).

he fires a shot from his old luger off - the bullet ends up hitting a kid
caught in the crossfire of truer thought
edwin finds this amusing swat teams trying to remove the doors
but there trampled by the crowd running through the streets
like a circus of doomed report.

Edwin keeps drinking saying in his head im glad to be above you all
tall drunk and nervous the craziness in the street is bittersweet like his first day of service
serenaded by the trampling of people under his feet running away from murders
like the unbothered king in his castle the towers slowly crumbling under his seat.

Edwin's in deep thought ignoring all the commotion under his tennis shoes
all of sudden a sharp object scrapes his cheek
waking him up 'ON' his way to sleep
some one in the crowd got some bad aim - but that reminded edwin
maybe it's time to leave.

Alyssa screams let's go ''this shit is getting out of control''
edwin moves slow struggling his way down the lamp post
alyssa watches a homeless crackhead with no arms manage to light a stem
edwin takes a sip of his beer and feels the high within
something about alyssa made edwin grin like meeting a friend from a past life again
the absurdity of reality always wins under city lights certain attractions bleed within.

Sitting under the street lights in south street sea port brought about peace
alyssa found a detour as they started running south east
this reminds edwin of those bull fights in south greece
when he trained to be a matador but got gored by the devout beast
blood spills on raining cloud spheres benny's a sad clown with some sand shoes
made money on the south pier now he locks himself in the nearest bathroom
as the lizards claws scrape down the bathroom door this can only spell bad news
before they attack benny says to the lizards my last wish will make you laugh too.

Under a street light dimmed
lizards leap 20 feet in the air landing on anything with edible skin
across the street a delivery driver on a moped crashes into a parked sedan
the lizards jump on his sternum and start to rip apart his hands
seconds later the screaming ends
the delivery man gets pulled under a yellow taxi cab never to be seen again.

If alyssa only known what happened to edwin in Fallujah
special operations where werewolf soldiers roamed the valleys of medusa
under the guidance of a warlord named abdullah
summoning djinn using a sacred ruler
in time square the lights flashing in the night air
remind edwind of the tracer rounds taking life with light spared
the city's breeze feels like those desert dunes
something must of evoked those forces
reveling the coordinates of those mercenary death platoons
near central park an albanian orphan ex-special forces alcoholic
forces a horse to walk circles around your coffin
for the amusement of others tapped into the distortion.

Edwin killed many terrorist that were hiding in trees sniping out leaking sewers
but what edwin loved the most was drinking a 40oz on top a stop light
in the streets of newark.

It was a hot day that summer when the reptilians invaded
a dark skinned naked obese fat man sitting on a bench eating a raspberry danish
offers edwin another beer edwin questions his sanitary methods
but the beer was cold and the night was young as the dawn appears
alyssa said im not waiting here she walked across the street to the world trade center
maybe she can trade ideas the beer was so refreshing it literally quenched edwins thirst
and washed away his tears the lizards took over the city but edwin was to brave to care
he lives a street life you can find him in any town with a lamp post and a street light
''we will meet you there''.


I honestly didn’t care for a lot of this final third, the character names were simply there to reference what happens to who with no real consideration for how the reader should be invested in them. They were hollow character sketches, making it hard to follow but harder to care how they would fare in its conclusion. The whole lizard thing was a giant miss, for me, beginning to end. There’s more description on the raspberry danish eaten by an obese male than there is of the central characters to the story. It’s quite an underwhelming development for me, and entirely too long, with no real concept other than these giant lizards attacking the city something akin to King Kong on an unstoppable rampage only without the resolution or character development behind it. Sorry BH but this is far from the best I’ve seen you write.