SPOTLIGHT Match: Sharp vs. Corleone - SHARP WINS BY DQ

[Blue Bayou]

Originally Posted by Corleone

a house call for hands? LMFAO am I suppose to be scared or something? LMFAO.. you faggott bitch, Id whip all of your asses at one shot by myself, the fuck are you talking about? and trust me, you wouldnt leave my house alive.. lmfao watch your mouth faggott, as to you should already know by now, I take a liking for tracking I.P addresses down.. trust and believe, I'll show up at your front door, and skull fuck the shit out of you and your faggott family members.. then Id wear your skin, after pealing your flesh off.. believe me guy, I aint joking..

Woah. Just having a laugh man don't take things too far now

I apologize and don't want that smoke

We cool?

[~RustyGunZ~]

Originally Posted by Corleone

it says your IP is blocked, or invalid.. by the way, you might want to check into that before you go on any further playing the tough guy role.

I’ve got shooters in the Curbstreet Crips and Anonymous bro don’t try me

One more slick comment and you’re DONE

[Sharp]

Which color is my boat

[corleone]

Originally Posted by Sharp

Which color is my boat

it looks like your about a few miles North East of Port Boulevard, set out in the water, on a boat of some sorts.. that aint nothing but a hop skip and a jump for me bro, plus I got family that lives in Miami and a few niggas from my hood, as well.. so if I was you, I'd stfu before I send some niggas over there to go handle my light work

[Sharp]

Gimme something closer than a few hundred miles that isn't water... It's Miami... Of course there's water

[~RustyGunZ~]

This twerp can’t stop lying!!

Imagine how empty his life is man

[corleone]

Originally Posted by Sharp

Gimme something closer than a few hundred miles that isn't water... It's Miami... Of course there's water

your being funny or something? thats the closest spot near you.. you got the ferry service near you, as well.. named, "FRS Carribean".. and your second closest to, "Port Miami".. your about 90 miles exact or so away from the bridge.. thats an in and out move for me, I probrably wouldnt even dump your corpse off the boat by time Im done with you.. just being honest.. but its a fair dream to a guy like me.. lol you done?

[Sharp]

Originally Posted by Corleone

your being funny or something? thats the closest spot near you.. you got the ferry service near you, as well.. named, "FRS Carribean".. and your second closest to, "Port Miami".. your about 90 miles exact or so away from the bridge.. thats an in and out move for me, I probrably wouldnt even dump your corpse off the boat by time Im done with you.. just being honest.. but its a fair dream to a guy like me.. lol you done?

not til someone shows up

and good luck finding a specific jew in florida

[Neighbor]

This isn't a good look

[corleone]

Originally Posted by Sharp

not til someone shows up

and good luck finding a specific jew in florida

dude.. just kill that noise, if im telling you personally that I ain no fucking joke, just leave it alone and respect me..

[Sharp]

we both know that'll never happen.
@Blue Bayou say the word and I'm done

[corleone]

blah.. lol dude got me wrapped up in this shit.. im shocked I even paid him any attention.. lets get some votes on here.. this dude is bugged out lol smh..

[Answer]

Originally Posted by Corleone

bullshit, he was being sarcastic and indirected everything in which he seconded behind sharps posts at the discussion forum

look man, I'll be honest I don't know how break down bars when people don't make an attempt to write punches. If you make an attempt and I can see what needs correction, I can say "Oh yeah, this wording on this needs improvement here and there's an issue with the syntax of this wordplay here"

but if you don't have an attempt at a punch, there's nothing I can really say. It's like if someone asked me to give them advice on how to improve their form on shooting a basketball and we go out on the court and that person just starts showing me their dribbling technique. It's like nah, you gotta aim at the bucket or something, you can't just dribble or else I can't tell you what improvements you need to make on your rim game

let's try this again being 100% real here


sharp losing a third time? no doubt in my mind,
as this dude falls victim, like a knife to a crime/(sharp/knife)

first off, you don't have to explain your bars. People here just don't like it. I'm actually a bit more lenient and think that's irrelevant, so I don't really care. I'm just letting you know that there are people who will automatically deduce points from you for that, and I know because I've used similar explanations in the past and gotten knocked for it.

Secondly, you could improve on your rhyming, right now all three of these rhymes are only using one syllable. You could increase this by choosing to rhyme something like "life on the line" would be a better 4-syllable slant rhyme for "knife to a crime", since life/knife rhyme together. That's all irrelevant though, because I primarily look at punchlines when judging battles. As I stated, sharp/knife concepts have been used against sharp before, and saying someone "falls victim like a knife to a crime" doesn't really mean anything literally or metaphorically, I'm sorry.

I'm nice with the rhymes.. this kid over his head,
like doing sit ups on a comforter bed/(sit ups/cor)
.. he can't fuck with cor,

Again, the rhyme could use more than one syllable. This is probably your best attempt at a punch/wordplay. It's a solid idea, but like I said, it's kind of ineffective to word it in this manner where you end the line and then move the punch to the beginning of the next line. People just expect you to have the finishing blow at the end of your line. This is kind of like you go 10 rounds and then finally after the match is over, you go in for the finishing knockout. It just doesn't count, it's too late, it's over.

sharp pains travel throughout his abdomen and rupture his heart/
after two no shows, he's still hawkin to battle?
I'll take sharp off the board, like I taught in a classroom/(sharp markers/class board)

I'll be honest, I don't know what "heart" is supposed to rhyme with. Cor? Even battle and classroom is a bit of a stretch rhyme-wise but I'll accept it, and it's the closest thing you've had to a rhyme with more than just one syllable. That being said... as I stated in my vote, his name is Sharp, the marker brand is called Sharpie. They're two different things. If instead of "Corleone" he called you Coronavirus without any reason, just because those things kinda almost sound similar to a deaf person, I would tell him that doesn't make sense. Also, nobody uses sharpies to write in a class room, they're permanent markers. You could never erase them from the board.

he knows I'll fuccin erase him,
and put his career on stand by, when I put chalk to the pavement/

Your best example of a multisyllable rhyme, erase slant rhymes with pave and him slant rhymes with ment. Solid job. Of course, you could always rhyme more than 2 syllables and do it on every line. Also, this line just doesn't have any attempt for a punch in it, so I can't really say a whole lot about it. It's just stated very matter of fact, "I'm gonna circle your body in chalk" but there's no level of lyricism or wit behind it

cause markers can't outline a corpse,
especially when that marker has gone it's course/

Again going back to one syllable rhymes, but also I think you're spending too much time on this whole weird markers/outlined with chalk idea and it's not really getting to a point. This sentence doesn't even mean much. I mean technically, a sharpie marker could outline a corpse. I guess if it's "gone its course" and run out of ink it couldn't, but this whole metaphor stems from the idea that you're comparing the name Sharp to a Sharpie which are just two different things

.. and sharp was a mark buster from the very beginning,
he can't show his face in the streets, cause niggas'll kill him/

I kinda like the switch from the marker idea to calling him a mark, it's a cool concept, but again when you have your haymaker punches, it should usually be at the end of your second line. It's just a formula of setting up the bar, building up the hype, and then reaching the haymaker at just the right time. The "he can't show his face on the streets cause people will kill him" just doesn't have any lyricism to it

.. sharp known for duckin his beef,
was confronted in peace,
but left to an unlovingly piece..

Again, "left to an unlovingly piece" doesn't really make a lot of sense. I get that it's a gun reference, but it's also something that's been done a million times. I mean, you said you've been around since 1995, I've been around since at least 2000 or so and piece/peace/gun type bars were something they were doing back then. It's 20-25 years later, there's been literally millions of bars written since then and a LOT of them have similar ideas, and many of them were worded much effectively than this. You gotta evolve your writing more because that shit is played out a hundred times over


anyway, mvgt still goes to Sharp. It's not even a close call tbh, and that's not a knock on you. If you came out here writing the most unbelievable concepts I've ever read, I'd be all for it. It just wasn't good. At all. No troll, just being honest. You can take that as hate and do nothing to get better or just take that as the constructive criticism it is and improve.

[corleone]

cool..

[FGR]

I cant believe I read all 4 pages ...

This shits kinda sad

[Zuo]

Originally Posted by FGR

I came believe I read all 4 pages ...

This shits kinda sad

Can you give me a Summary bro?

[FGR]

Originally Posted by Zuo

Can you give me a Summary bro?

Sooooooooo
dude Corleone use to be a legend back in 83 on text battle sites and was offered millions to ghost write for Dougie fresh or something..
He's battling sharp with elementary lyrics and can't understand why he's not fire to everyone... If you vote against him he gets a real barcotic vibe .. and people can vouch for him being a legend but their in quarantine right now with no internet connection

[FGR]

And answer wrote more in two post then I have in my whole text career

[corleone]

Originally Posted by FGR

Sooooooooo
dude Corleone use to be a legend back in 83 on text battle sites and was offered millions to ghost write for Dougie fresh or something..
He's battling sharp with elementary lyrics and can't understand why he's not fire to everyone... If you vote against him he gets a real barcotic vibe .. and people can vouch for him being a legend but their in quarantine right now with no internet connection

.. surrrrrreee.. lol

[~RustyGunZ~]

Ah man, ANOTHER guy on here that’s crazy and delusional about Corleones legend status!!

Can’t wait for all these people that totally exist to come to Corleones defense and put spek on his name