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Old 02-06-2018, 07:33 AM   #1
Orc
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 5,165
Battle Record: 5-1

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Default LBT Championship Battle: Esso vs Homeskool

Esso:

He's from Tannersville, Pennsylvania..he dont catch CORPSES FROM SPARKIN FOURS, it's nothing but 'Ski COURSES AND TOP RESORTS' and 'discount HORDES OF DEPARTMENT STORES' (facts), So 'going downhill in a hurry' must be a SPORT TO THIS MARK, FA SURE and good thing he's used to 'outlet shopping' cuz he's getting 'MORE THAN HE BARGAINED FOR'!!(Let's go) He aint even 'borderline stackin up' unless he's 'LAYIN A GREAT WALL' He was talkin shit a month beforehand, just ACHING TO PLAY BALL he 'called me out, but Im not off-base' with the STATEMENTS I MAKE, Y'ALL so when I bet we 'see Home get touched', ya gotta SAY 'THATS A SAFE CALL'!! His win streak'll see 'a short stop, too' cuz his 'GAME? IT ISN'T JETER'S', I'm taking everything he has, from his CHAIN LINKS TO HIS SNEAKERS but I thought he'd 'swallow his tongue cuz he shook', showin 'PATIENCE WITH THIS SEIZURE', instead Ill take 'the air up out em; shameless' since he's 'BRAZEN IN DEMEANOR'! You'll see my BLADE COULD SLIT HIS T-SHIRT and fiLET OF FISH HIS FEATURES, that's me 'PLAYIN WITH A CLEAVER' like an 'acQUAINTANCE OF THE BEAVER' His 'material's getting washed', I'll choose a WAY THIS BITCH GETS ETHERED then I could 'hang em out to dry' or maybe 'TAKE EM TA THE CLEANERS'!! When he's 'killed, it's the precedent' for how he's FAKIN GRIPPIN HEATERS, so for how 'he get down n front'? He'll take 'Lincolns PLACE UP IN THE THEATER' shots'll 'ring and Ah promise;Death', he'll have an 'enGAGEMENT WITH THE REAPER' so you'll 'see his presence ghost' like some 'FAMOUS CHRISTMAS GEEZER with the NAME OF EBENEEZER'!!This dude was just a noob with the GAYEST WRITTENS WE'VE HEARD so he squaded up with Higher EducATION, DID SOME RESEARCH, but aint make the GRADE WITH CLIPS HE'S RE-HEARSED cuz 'Homeskool sucks; it's just apparent' we should 'BLAME HIS SHITTY TEACHERS'!! A Chilla Jones text ripoff but this LAME JUST SPITS IT WEAKER, random tie ins and mispronouncing stuff dont MAKE A VICIOUS SCHEMER, he's more 'narrow with his vision' than 'an ASIAN HITTIN REEFER', He needs to 'altar;what he stands behind' like the 'PLACEMENT OF A PREACHER'!! I been whippin kids like him since we got PAGES ON A BEEPER, yungin 'green an cheese n with square bread' 'PLATE OF CHICKEN CAESAR'!! His shit is only so-so, Im outRAGEOUS TO THESE READERS, this 'dude's lighter; getting waived' like 'he's sixty-EIGHT AN SINGIN FREE BIRD'! All shit pushed aside, he knows Im the GREATEST WHEN I SPEAK WORDS long as he 'takes his heart out of it' like a 'DANGEROUS PROCEDURE'!!

Vs


Homeskool:

I’ll drain this man’s LIFEBLOOD, HOME’S GONNA COOK A PLOT TA SEND DEATH BLOWS, ‘while E’ can’t keep up LIKE THE ROAD RUNNER TOOK A SHOT OF ESPRESSO! [Wile E.] When he heard the word that Skool’s the one he’d HAVE TA FIGHT IT SHOOK HIM, cuz I earned my champ-shot 6 months in: HALF THE TIME IT TOOK HIM, and I’m on a roll, lost three of my last FIFTEEN BATTLES, FEEL ME? My pen’s lifting ‘bodies with a divine touch’ like the SISTINE CHAPEL CEILING! You overuse word association schemes. Is your POOR MIND GLUED TA THIRD GRADE PUNS? That’s cool, I used to scheme that way . . beFORE I KNEW WHAT WORDPLAY WAS. If I still used that style I’d be DOIN IT BETTER, doubling the wordplay cuz my SMOOTH WIT IS CLEVER, for example: I’ll round up all of LBT, get the whole ‘CARD TO NETWORK,’ we’ll sneak behind you while ya blare a ‘CAR TUNE AT WORK,’ wait til we hear the guitar ‘NICK A LOW D, AND’ CHUCKLE . . cuz we know when that ‘NICKEL LOAD, HE IN’ TROUBLE! Want more? If I in’tend ta kill’ ‘an enemy,’ his ‘core’ll’ collapse, you’ll SEE HIM GRIEVING WITH A SICKNESS, as he ‘wails’ I’ll reload, I’m ‘fin’na make him ‘see slugs’ and LEAVE HIM SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES! Your beef with Celsius was a POOR BLUNDER, E,I did that scheme just to tell you YOU’RE ‘UNDER C!’[tentacle, anemone, coral, whales, fin, sea slugs, undersea] I keep the crowd focused with BOLD, RADICAL THEMES so even without punches my JOKES’ HAVIN YA BLEED, for example: Know what rhymes with ESSO’S NOT A G? How about: FRIEND-ZONED CONSTANTLY? Cuz you’re an OLD, LAUGHABLE DWEEB who owns NO VALUABLE THINGS, such a dumb hippie ya tried to plant fish eggs and GROW MACKERAL TREES and got caught in ya mom’s garden tryin ta SMOKE ACTUAL WEEDS! Difference between us? I entertain, so fans remember READING THE RHYMES. You're so dull ya lost our one-bar battle scheming about . . CLEANING SUPPLIES?? Holy prune juice, HOW EXCITING! Esso’s pen-game? WOW, IT’S LIGHTNING! What next, gonna scheme about GRANDPA’S HIP BRACE or GRANDMA’S FIG CAKE? By the way: your CRAYON BARS? SICK, MATE! But back to punches, Ess, you’re getting your CHAIN STOLE BY A SLICK, RAW PLAYER. You’re like Ed, Edd n Eddy: did ‘all that schemin’ just to get your ‘FACE SWOLE’ BY A ‘BIG JAW BREAKER!’ Yo, Dosez? You can wa’tch yer man tank’ like Panzers built FOR HITLER’S ARMIES while I ‘take this female’s head off for fun’ like you did as kids with YOUR SISTER’S BARBIES! Thought I’d lose? You slept, I’d be WRECKIN ESSO WITH MY WORST PUNS. Scroll up top: two straight fights I ‘ENDED “ESSO” IN MY FIRST PUNCH!’ #dieinclass


ESSO WINS 67% TO 33%
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