Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Vault > Archives > Summer Classic: A Topical Thing > Archives

User Tag List

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-15-2019, 08:12 PM   #1
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9946445
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default Summer Classic Topical: Round 1: 2. Mr. J Vs. 15. Diablo [Diablo 5-3]








SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
MONDAY JULY 22nd at 11:59P.M. Pacific/West Coast or TUESDAY 2:59 AM Eastern / 7:59 AM TUESDAY Central European/London
MAXIMUM 2 extensions granted upon request in this tournament


Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due THURSDAY at 11:59 p.m. Western Pacific / or FRIDAY 2:59 PM Eastern / 7:59 AM FRIDAY Central European/London Failure to vote will result in negative votes the following round if you win....See rules thread for explanation

All competitors must vote on THREE battles

Read the full rules here!



Topic:

Must Check-in by WEDNESDAY July 17th or be replaced

@Mr. J
@Diablo

G/Luck
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR

Last edited by Adonis; 07-26-2019 at 09:27 PM.
Adonis is offline  
Old 07-16-2019, 01:19 AM   #2
Diablo
Badgerdick
 
Diablo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 22685548
Diablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant future
Default

”Monkey See, Monkey Hear, Monkey Doodle”



How unoriginal.
The cowering criminal snaps his replicated empty statement;
a towering visual of stencils painted against an ageing
centre space with weather staining to its flat-walled relief.
The emanating pastoral green sash daubed between them
masks all beneath it, painting over the cracks.
By taking closer examination you’ll notice the hands
are overly caricatured for the motif in maxim,
folding unnaturally,
exposing the amateur’s woeful inaccuracies in direction of movement.
By attempting to humanise them,
the perspective is skewed with legs that protrude from the pelvis or pubis.
A single flaw its signatory didn’t think important.
If nothing else, it’s amusing.
The disproportioned limbs look awkward
sitting mawkishly against a curious red.
Surely the remnants of a rattling Krylon can,
held up to the wall until emptied,
or an attempt to cover up some poorly illegible scrawl that was left before the event.
Call it whatever.
It adds nothing more to the “message” conveyed.
A senseless rephrasing of an older expression that plays on the monkeys seminal names:
Mizaru,
Kikazaru,
Iwazaru.

It isn’t hard to link each part used when they’re translated.
You’re left with the saying “See not, hear not, speak not",
This key proponent seems lost on our cheap font using beat-off
with mismatched Impact lettering tacked to his re-doctored street offering.
The syntax here bothers me.
‘Observe, Listen, Reveal’ doesn’t concur with the ideal the proverbs triptych conceals.
It’s pitiful, really.
In truth the peaceful apophthegm has nothing to do with evil.
Stupid people.
The covering of the eyes, ears and mandible we find here in tandem promotes health of mind, speech and action.
It’s why each the “-zaru’s” or “saru’s”, were assigned to the figures,
mindful of this,
an insight that was missed by the writer that did it.
The irony is we’ve now the Three Wise Monkeys as defined by an idiot,
with a brain the size of a chimps.

Last edited by Diablo; 07-23-2019 at 01:24 AM.
Diablo is offline  
Old 07-23-2019, 03:01 AM   #3
Mr. J
The Clown Prince
 
Mr. J's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,016
Battle Record: 35-45


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 59349678
Mr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant futureMr. J has a brilliant future
Default

As it was sourced in, chop & cut each portion, distort it
rework & reword it, make it natural & don't force it.
Rewind it back..a little forward, edit it out, re-sort it.
This is how it was ordered from our lovely supporters
its all in the detail, without the presentation we fail.
let the others retell, their extended cold cuts mean well.
once you trim the fat on a fresh cut, the fresh meat sells
reviews exceed wealth when you see these sweep sales.
a couple 1,000 emails with ya face on the first page.
claimed fame in the worst way replacing the wordplay
the reign comes with the thirsty, falsifying your face
extended ya facial features to sell due to your search rate.
they rehearsed plays only to recast who leads & follows
so will your real face really get to see tomorrow? we will see tomorrow...

Ideas rambled in, the motive behind them were scrambling
each voice was heard, each gambling on the handling.
scandalous type that mouth off to the managers, adamant
the kind you wish remained abstinent that kept rambling.
misquoted as the establishment fired her for offhandedness
her pockets ravenous, while her hands mismanaged tips
sold out the teens for "using" cannabis, food mishandling
all quoted being vengeful for a poorly ran establishment
frantic with every tactic to save face when it came to the camera clips
parolees that promoted underage drinking, random twits
spoke with a plastered lisp about how they devoted companionship
saying "whoever ran this shit, they deserve 5 stars as management"
throwing up on the camera crew that abandoned quick....

Under investigation we observed separate statements
a set thats laced with different standpoints met with gazes
left with traces of ideas that are meant to say this.
what you see is what you do, what you do is what I did
so we can cut the shit, run through it again & see what I did
from the height they brought, to this grave I up & dig
the persuasion from the station to shave it & come up with this
but we went rogue & put up each antennae for the studio tower
& we broadcasting live its ~12~, allow me to introduce with power
live footage from the place we cook & eat at
cut.....we have a little feedback
__________________
.....laugh....and the world laughs with you
Mr. J is offline  
Old 07-23-2019, 08:40 PM   #4
UnbornBuddha
Senior Member
 
UnbornBuddha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,008
Battle Record: 23-10


Champed
- Art of Writing League
- AOWL Season 5

Rep Power: 23856375
UnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant futureUnbornBuddha has a brilliant future
Default

Diablo: I enjoyed this a great deal. Some lines are stretched, but its all very coherent and you have a very fluid and eloquent style and always adapt to the topical, which makes you outright deadly. And this is a perfect example, and I can tell you most likely didn't even try that hard, which does show a bit, because I've seen when you actually try and its even more deadly. But besides the stretched lines, and some of the rhyming is off, but its on point. The only thing really missing is the connection to the reader, its well-written but its missing being imbued with the thumbprint that draws the reader in.


Mr J: The one and only Mr. J, I think this piece was good. The flow of it almost reminded of that song by Biggie small and Bonethugs, it reads a lot faster than Lars and the rhyming is back to back. I like it as a whole, and you took a different approach than Lars. You went a bit more on the narrative side and a little bit more emotional, but no so much. Lars focused more on precision and you added more of a flair in the sense of stylistic persona, that swag. However, there is a discrepancy in that level of expression here, and that is where Diablo has you bested. Not because you aren't capable of that expression, but at this moment Diablo came stronger in how we wielded words.

Vote: Diablo
UnbornBuddha is offline  
Old 07-24-2019, 07:28 AM   #5
Candy
Sell Her
 
Candy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 983
Battle Record: 1-3



Rep Power: 5082452
Candy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant futureCandy has a brilliant future
Default

diablo:
dude this is a new style with a touch of that fine descriptional vocab you have, your natural tongue is very attractive.. I did a loose style as far as rhyme structure like this awhile go on here, I think it is a more punchy style kind of captures the vs better.. so I like it but from teaching I hate it, like where are all the rhymes standards beat up my head lucky there is such thing as evolution.. dope on the saurus thing my fav part of your monkey doodle very nice imagery and info enjoyable.. your point of view writers voice is what shone on this.. great job..

mr. j:
really dope concept you captured, rhyme structure was off the hook and emotion was real nice.. all in all story told was top knotch.. the delivery was very smooth.. topics inserted about the human behind television as a monkey was a real nice play on the topic..

Creativity-- diablo
Entertainment-- diablo
Flow-- mr j.
Rhyme Scheme-- diablo
Consistency/Topic-- diablo
Literary Devices (alliteration, assonance, allusion, etc..) -- mr j
Emotion-- diablo
Imagery-- mr j.

Vote-- diablo
__________________
curious más curioso y más curioso

..
Candy is offline  
Old 07-25-2019, 08:14 PM   #6
Inno
Ad mini tator
 
Inno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League

Rep Power: 85899399
Inno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond repute
Default

ok so lars dropped and interesting verse for me...every verse ive read from lars has always read soo smoothly..this one was a bit different. I don't know if he was trying something different but that's the vibe I got. anyway this was dope the story was chalked full of turns and twists that you connect very well through out. at times the flow got a bit choppy which was suprising because I never say that about a lars verse. the imagery was fucking dope like always. overall you ended it with class and managed to tie everything together very nicely.


J

very descriptive with the flow my ninja. I thought your lines read completely different from lars this round. j you had a more fast pace feel to your read while still keeping it on point I mean dam near the whole verse. very wll done mang. you had the imagery going in this one 2 and I always enjoy your point of view when you get them creative juices going. I think the rhyming is your best skill in this battle. you flowed you nice and continued the progression of the story like a boss.


overall

honestly I think this one is super close. I wasn't super impressed with lars' verse only becvuase I thought it read too choppy for a lars verse. which took me by surprise. j on the other hand showed up with his best and im going to give me the nod on the count of I just enjoyed his take on the topic it was crisp and he managed to keep up with lars technically in my eyes. I enjoyed this battle a lot...thanks gentlemen.

Mr. J
Inno is offline  
Old 07-25-2019, 10:59 PM   #7
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9946445
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default

2-1 diablo
rise
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR
Adonis is offline  
Old 07-25-2019, 11:04 PM   #8
Scar
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 530
Battle Record: 7-5


Champed
- Guerrilla Writing League

Rep Power: 5689705
Scar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant futureScar has a brilliant future
Default

this was one helluva battle. awesome verse by both.

diablo
Quote:
The cowering criminal snaps his replicated empty statement;
a towering visual of stencils painted against an ageing
centre space with weather staining
the was fuckin bananas, no pun intended. if one was to look for end-rhyme i think they'd miss the ongoing thread of the scheme. i love shit like that and can never seem to pull it off.

Quote:
The emanating pastoral green sash daubed between them
masks all beneath it, painting over the cracks.
By taking closer examination you’ll notice the hands
are overly caricatured for the motif in maxim,
the descriptive language here was impeccable. technically, it was insane, but more than that, you brought attention to the picture itself with minor strokes like "notice the hands are overly caricatured". way to manipulate readers to glance at the picture lulz, furthermore drawing us into the concept of the verse, which is a rather straight forward examination of the maxim itself. simplistic in its idea but beautifully complex in its execution. i really enjoy this verse my man.

mr j,
the flow was super smooth man. i love the concept. you blended the meet market visual with a well constructed peripheral of our manufactured culture (image, ideas, news etc) the subtlety was really cool here.
Quote:
its all in the detail, without the presentation we fail.
let the others retell, their extended cold cuts mean well.
once you trim the fat on a fresh cut, the fresh meat sells
awesome.

this was a super hard battle to call man. diablo came with a dope dissertation on interpretations, with an almost academic level deconstruction of the picture and to an extent the artist. mr j gave a super creative metaphor about our seemingly manufactured society, where the meat of the matter is often...processed. on the real i can't really call this. i know that its pussy shit but i'm gonna have to call it a draw. i can't pick a winner, but more importantly, i can't pick a loser yo
Scar is offline  
Old 07-25-2019, 11:15 PM   #9
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,033
Battle Record: 31-37


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 4743543
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

Dope battle. I thought literary wise in a Shakespearean sense, Lars dominated. The Japanese wording was a nice touch. I like the way you Storytell with a balance of edge and flow.

Mr. J came with that nyc sort of hood bop that i fuck with. I liked the ending to yours a little more than Lars it was a nice lol mind bender. I was flowing to it sort of at a wu tang rhythm.

Close battle I think both fell off in Parts Lars unnecessarily used obscure words where more laconic verbiage would have sufficed and j lost his bop a few times. At the end of the day it's preference and I liked mrj a little more this time. Good battle

V- Mr j
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY
NYCSPITZ is offline  
Old 07-25-2019, 11:51 PM   #10
Adonis
Tsk Tsk
 
Adonis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Beer Goggles
Posts: 4,834
Battle Record: 36-34


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- NFL Pick'em 2016-17

Rep Power: 9946445
Adonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant futureAdonis has a brilliant future
Default

Longer version in Mag

I can't blame Scar for his cop-out, this was close and can go either way. I do believe both wrote more of an old school topical with hidden meanings and messages in them. I do KNOW that both executed not only the topic, but individual concepts perfectly. Jay wrote about writing for me, compairing the meat market to chopping and selling lines to the populace, which is us in reality. Where Lars wrote about the artist who drew this photo as well as the original author of the three wise monkey's, "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil". You both dropped some deep knowledge and had fun with it. I've read roughly half the verses thus far, but I'm fairly certain these two will be my favorite two of the round. Kind of hard not to in all honesty. With all of this said, I must vote on one.

While I loved each for a multitude of reasons, I can't say I really liked one more, if I'm truthful. But I can say one resonated with me more because I am a sucker for ancient knowledge being brought to the forefront yet again. So while Jay dropped a classic, Lars played closer to what I traditionally like, though I can not stress enough that both of these verses were flawless.

v/ Diablo in the most microscopic of margins.
__________________
I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is

TUPAC SHAKUR
Adonis is offline  
Old 07-26-2019, 05:17 AM   #11
Sinacog
Satan
 
Sinacog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,093
Battle Record: 4-25



Rep Power: 8129212
Sinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant futureSinacog has a brilliant future
Default

Diablo -

interesting read, good lucks on the structure and imminent rhyme scheme - good work on the flow and vocal points of the story's portrayal. Very interesting work on this piece. Nice job.

MR. J -

Decent work on this piece - very good work on the details and structure; good work on the details of the piece and rhyme scheme. Good work on this piece, MR. J. Good work.

V/ Diablo..
Sinacog is offline  
Old 07-26-2019, 01:09 PM   #12
Master Rock
Steadily Lurking
 
Master Rock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Beyond your reach
Posts: 1,326
Battle Record: 7-7


Champed
- Netcees Writers League

Rep Power: 5599637
Master Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant futureMaster Rock has a brilliant future
Default

I'm placing my vote on my voice recognition software. So it might be a little off. But Mr J seriously killed it, absolutely ill verse. Diablo on the other hand had a verse which wasvery directed towards the topic at hand in which he analyzed it critically and wrote about it in a sense where he was displeased on it's mediocrity and point out the topic as cliche, which took a different direction towards it, to the artist, to the wall, to the paint, etc. Now for pure creativity and rhyme scheme J slayed. While Diablo on the other hand had a verse that wasn't I wasn't feeling in the vibe department I will say the direction, and sticking on topic was there. Both verses were written well, you can tell the the care and time put in place as well as the framing. Mr j definitely has the vibe and hard hitting true hip hop direction I love but I was truly attempting to relate the topic to his verse and found some correlation but not to a form that fully fits.
Therefore, I am giving it to Diablo.
__________________

https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/
https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz
Master Rock is offline  
Old 07-26-2019, 09:19 PM   #13
JurorNumberSeven
Junior Member
 
JurorNumberSeven's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 16




Rep Power: 204186
JurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant futureJurorNumberSeven has a brilliant future
Default

In the proceedings of the trial of the neanderthal triumvirate and cause for belief in the tripping monkey theory as espoused by Joe Rogan as told by mr j vs the case of wanting to suck three animal dicks as espoused by our beleaguered client Lars. We have determined a people's court is necessary to determine a verdict.

The jury finds evidence in mr js verse an abundance of dope moved in bars, a homicide of metaphors and the execution of allegory. On the 23rd of July at approximately 7:09 pm the suspect rendered lines dead. He is culpable in the drawdrawing of a story and the quartering of story segment as follows - beginning, middle, second middle, end.

The jury has examined the doctrines of known alcoholic and felony assault repeat offender Lars. I'm the scrolls henceforth presented, evidence of the sexual rape of monkeys was confirmed through dna testing. 6 ounces of cocaine and a half pack of camels was also found In the defendants delorean spacecraft.

After deliberating it is clear

We the jury select mr j as Victor for further procedures In the tournament. Court dismissed
JurorNumberSeven is offline  
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:07 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+