02-17-2020, 08:49 PM | #1 |
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Unsane...
Like vikings spikin' axes,
I am action Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis, This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes? Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds, Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper, Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers Call me the native sniper, Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings, Like Roman kaisers It's your highness, Blazin' the page Your sire spreadin' words, A intellectual virus Puttin' wisdom to papyrus, Like Einstein with butter fingers Ex is droppin' science Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs, Spittin' tomahawks Versus the horde carryin' logs & stormin' the front vicious, Victory in New York. |
02-21-2020, 05:34 AM | #2 |
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Where the love @?...
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02-21-2020, 07:59 AM | #3 |
Everything's Connected
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I think it's the way you present your verse man. I don't know. It just looks too... thin.
I just moved some lines around. Looks better to me. Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis, This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes? Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds... Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper, Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers... Call me the native sniper, Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings... Like Roman kaisers It's your highness blazin' the page, Your sire spreadin' words, an intellectual virus Puttin' wisdom to papyrus... Like Einstein with butter fingers, Ex is droppin' science Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs, Spittin' tomahawks, Versus the horde carryin' logs & stormin' the front vicious... Victory in New York.
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..Passed the Present and Future.. |
02-21-2020, 09:55 AM | #4 | |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
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Quote:
Fire swag and flow piece Universe , you killed this Universe
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"I shit myself
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02-21-2020, 10:04 AM | #5 |
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I wrote this dumbass @Blue Bayou not @Universe, got it fam...You stuctured it better, thanks.
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02-21-2020, 01:59 PM | #6 |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
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"I shit myself
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02-21-2020, 02:32 PM | #7 |
living
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Always good to see a @Universe piece, one of my favorite writers here tbh
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Zack Wicks for president |
02-21-2020, 11:40 PM | #8 |
Steadily Lurking
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haha, brothas trolling.
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https://www.instagram.com/master_rock1/ https://www.youtube.com/graphicalmindz |
02-23-2020, 01:09 AM | #9 |
Ukrainian Howlitzers
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I'm honestly still kindve in awe over how good this @Universe piece is
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"I shit myself
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02-23-2020, 05:44 AM | #10 |
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If your not goin' to give constructive feed on a piece, then fuck out my thread...Black should know better, your a mod yet trollin' me? Smh...As for Blue, your just a faggot nigga.
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02-23-2020, 08:45 AM | #11 |
Senior Member
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This was flameable to me
Work on making your lines Shorter So be easier to read |
02-23-2020, 02:05 PM | #12 |
low tide in serotonin bay
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All trolling aside i like your piece flows well just missing any true punches in my eyes? But i value punchlines a lot in a piece like thos that might just be personal preference overall i liked this. Can tell you allotted more time than usual to writing it. Good shit
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02-23-2020, 03:49 PM | #13 |
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Thank you...
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