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Old 02-17-2020, 08:49 PM   #1
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Default Unsane...

Like vikings spikin' axes,
I am action
Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction
A matter of seconds,
Snatch your synapsis,
This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is
Kill 'em all with them syllables,
That's a miracle yes?
Bitch the damage ain't minimal
Onto the centerfolds,
Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands
Onto the right end not pretendin',
Powered by my descendants
Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper,
Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers
Call me the native sniper,
Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings,
Like Roman kaisers
It's your highness,
Blazin' the page
Your sire spreadin' words,
A intellectual virus
Puttin' wisdom to papyrus,
Like Einstein with butter fingers Ex is droppin' science
Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs,
Spittin' tomahawks
Versus the horde carryin' logs
& stormin' the front vicious,
Victory in New York.
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Old 02-21-2020, 05:34 AM   #2
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Where the love @?...
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Old 02-21-2020, 07:59 AM   #3
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I think it's the way you present your verse man. I don't know. It just looks too... thin.

I just moved some lines around. Looks better to me.

Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action
Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction
A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis,
This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is
Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes?
Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds...
Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands
Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants
Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper,
Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers... Call me the native sniper,
Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings... Like Roman kaisers
It's your highness blazin' the page, Your sire spreadin' words, an intellectual virus
Puttin' wisdom to papyrus...
Like Einstein with butter fingers, Ex is droppin' science
Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs,
Spittin' tomahawks, Versus the horde carryin' logs
& stormin' the front vicious...

Victory in New York.
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Old 02-21-2020, 09:55 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Universe View Post
I think it's the way you present your verse man. I don't know. It just looks too... thin.

I just moved some lines around. Looks better to me.

Like vikings spikin' axes, I am action
Splashin' with rifles thru the dome in a fraction
A matter of seconds, Snatch your synapsis,
This hiphop oracle will show you what fuckin' real rap is
Kill 'em all with them syllables, That's a miracle yes?
Bitch the damage ain't minimal Onto the centerfolds...
Extendin' my lifespan expandin' stretchin' my hands
Onto the right end not pretendin', Powered by my descendants
Divin' thru rap traffic like a viper,
Hypin' & attackin' now attach your diapers... Call me the native sniper,
Racin' thru intersections takin' your blessings... Like Roman kaisers
It's your highness blazin' the page, Your sire spreadin' words, an intellectual virus
Puttin' wisdom to papyrus...
Like Einstein with butter fingers, Ex is droppin' science
Fall from heights like a concorde armed with bombs,
Spittin' tomahawks, Versus the horde carryin' logs
& stormin' the front vicious...

Victory in New York.

Fire swag and flow piece Universe , you killed this Universe
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Old 02-21-2020, 10:04 AM   #5
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I wrote this dumbass @Blue Bayou not @Universe, got it fam...You stuctured it better, thanks.
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Old 02-21-2020, 01:59 PM   #6
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Really dope stuff @Universe fire piece fam

Was feeling this one
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Old 02-21-2020, 02:32 PM   #7
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Always good to see a @Universe piece, one of my favorite writers here tbh
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Old 02-21-2020, 11:40 PM   #8
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haha, brothas trolling.
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Old 02-23-2020, 01:09 AM   #9
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I'm honestly still kindve in awe over how good this @Universe piece is
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Old 02-23-2020, 05:44 AM   #10
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If your not goin' to give constructive feed on a piece, then fuck out my thread...Black should know better, your a mod yet trollin' me? Smh...As for Blue, your just a faggot nigga.
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Old 02-23-2020, 08:45 AM   #11
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This was flameable to me
Work on making your lines Shorter
So be easier to read
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Old 02-23-2020, 02:05 PM   #12
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All trolling aside i like your piece flows well just missing any true punches in my eyes? But i value punchlines a lot in a piece like thos that might just be personal preference overall i liked this. Can tell you allotted more time than usual to writing it. Good shit
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Old 02-23-2020, 03:49 PM   #13
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Thank you...
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