Netcees  

Go Back   Netcees > Forum > Open Mic Section

User Tag List

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-17-2018, 02:44 AM   #1
Frank
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



Champed
- NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10

Rep Power: 3853343
Frank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant future
Default Sub-Zero

Titanium suit inside padded with Tasmanian wool
Rabies, scabies and drool
Glacier proof layering, insulated, they say we were raised by the wolves
Crazy as loons—skating lagoons—painted maroon
Bullet fresh in its face—serenade of the swoon
The leap of faith from the secret gate
Feet chained by seasons change
Feed the brain the seed of rain
The jubilations of June
The clay crustacean
The root
Muddy hands, straining the juice, pink and brown, gravying through
Shaping it smooth, playing with it like a baby would do
Engraving illustrations in the cave where I drew the manifestation of you
Stooping down to your elevation to get an observational view
Devastation and doom: angels flew ablaze and a swoop
Revelations, ancient calculations, patiently waiting for doom
Chained at the waist, they’re taking you through the stages of truth
Realizational loops. No one exempt, nobody, none of sacred excuse
The planet is angled obtuse: gravitational pull-pull—pull strain
The recluse of the galaxy into a dangerous youth
Tribal celebrating: winter blazing—the fumes
The rage of the blue flame of the ocean before it gave in, sank in and drooped
Adam & Eve forsaking the fruit, Satan is raising—displaying the flute
Playing to the vacant stadium entertaining the mute
The waste of the sewers over-flowing escaping
The remains of the tombs gutted in a momentous wave through a womb
Ruins in shambles, bow and arrows, razor toothed saber-tooth on the loose
Space boots on the roof—big foot running out of the woods—jumping straight for the moon
Himalayan chief descending down from the banks of Peru
Constellation gurus, a man the atheists knew, the savior
Who the remains of the pages allude to, but negate to include
Divine being of all, weighted in jewels, strength of a mule
Tank on a zoom— aiming—ricochet—and—kaboom!
Billions of tanks of fuel disintegrating on cue
Breath taking debut, dazed and aloof, concentration acute
Music to a bloody ear: only an M80 could soothe
Stench looms from a good buddy slumped in his bravery goop
The remains of the troops are making their way through Hades
Mother Nature, the calendar dates, wait, they were true
Breath pasty and ghosts parading with holes in their blankets: amused
Boo! The elephant moves and gracefulness ensues
Right hand decapitated, the crew running low on rations—making due
In dire straits, I break out the 22 from my ankle and bull's eye brang' down a Canadian moose
In stage 2 of Hypothermia— deranged and subdued
Hanging from a strain of DNA—
Civilization
Molten lava, instantaneous pools of brimstone—precipitation'll cool
Winter blazing brazen, flew in the face of an ice age as it blew
My soul out soars the sunward bird to the cage— to the coop
To the point of no return

Faded







*poof*
__________________
VETWORK
Frank is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-17-2018, 11:37 AM   #2
Victor.
Punchline Prettyboy
 
Victor.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,512
Battle Record: 7-0


Champed
- Fight Night 6

Rep Power: 53833776
Victor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant futureVictor. has a brilliant future
Default

Frank u the man tho
__________________
You ain’t a young buck ... yous a dumb fuck//run up and get gun butted.. get all your gums bust
Victor. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2018, 12:55 PM   #3
Universe
Everything's Connected
 
Universe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Niagara Falls, Canada
Posts: 999
Battle Record: 19-8


Champed
- Guerrilla Writing League(2x)
- GWL Picture challenge(2x)
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 10178702
Universe has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant futureUniverse has a brilliant future
Default

Jesus. Imagery you conjured up with this is insane.

Some highlights for me:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank View Post
Stooping down to your elevation to get an observational view
Devastation and doom: angels flew ablaze and a swoop
Revelations, ancient calculations, patiently waiting for doom
Chained at the waist, they’re taking you through the stages of truth
Realizational loops.

Adam & Eve forsaking the fruit, Satan is raising—displaying the flute
Playing to the vacant stadium entertaining the mute
The waste of the sewers over-flowing escaping
The remains of the tombs gutted in a momentous wave through a womb
Ruins in shambles, bow and arrows, razor toothed saber-tooth on the loose
Space boots on the roof—big foot running out of the woods—jumping straight for the moon

Breath taking debut, dazed and aloof, concentration acute
Music to a bloody ear: only an M80 could soothe
Stench looms from a good buddy slumped in his bravery goop
The remains of the troops are making their way through Hades
Mother Nature, the calendar dates, wait, they were true

In stage 2 of Hypothermia— deranged and subdued
Hanging from a strain of DNA—
Civilization
I could have just quoted the whole thing. I'm surprised this got slept on. Actually, no I'm not... smh.

Well done.
Universe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2018, 04:40 PM   #4
Diablo
Badgerdick
 
Diablo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Showdown City
Posts: 2,604
Battle Record: 11-2


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 22685548
Diablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant futureDiablo has a brilliant future
Default

Frank sure isn’t slept on here

Dude is ridiculous with it

He showed some ring rust here in truth, to me, but I’m very familiar with his work so maybe that’s why there’s not more replies on this one of his?

Always good to see him posting around these parts though

Keep that pen moving!
Diablo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2018, 06:01 PM   #5
Inno
Ad mini tator
 
Inno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League

Rep Power: 85899399
Inno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Hey frank good to see you back around. This outstanding work with amazing bits of imagery. As usual you don’t disappoint. How bout you check out the writers league and gift us with more of your brand of writing.
Inno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2018, 11:48 PM   #6
Geno
White Earl
 
Geno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,313
Battle Record: 10-15

Accomplishments
- Open Mic HOF (4x)

Champed
- Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8

Rep Power: 50036758
Geno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant futureGeno has a brilliant future
Send a message via AIM to Geno
Default

Fire.
W/B
__________________
-A.bove T.he R.est
Geno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-2018, 02:58 PM   #7
Frank
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



Champed
- NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10

Rep Power: 3853343
Frank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant future
Default

Thank You, @Universe
__________________
VETWORK
Frank is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-01-2018, 03:15 PM   #8
Ghost1
Senior Member
 
Ghost1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 26,349
Battle Record: 0-1



Rep Power: 84181442
Ghost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant futureGhost1 has a brilliant future
Default

frank that ur universe account?

this was fire tho
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMS View Post
My dad once had like 4 beers at a family reunion, and drove us home better than my mom usually drives.
Not saying being drunk doesn’t mess up you reasoning. I’m turning 20 soon so I haven’t had a drink ever.
Ghost1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2018, 12:00 AM   #9
Inno
Ad mini tator
 
Inno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 10,005
Battle Record: 26-54


Champed
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Black August
- 1-2 Punch League

Rep Power: 85899399
Inno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond reputeInno has a reputation beyond repute
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Frank View Post
Thank You, @Universe
Thanks for ignoring me fagot
Inno is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2018, 06:32 PM   #10
ACTIVATE SELF
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 732
Battle Record: 2-1


Champed
- Art of Writing League

Rep Power: 19584275
ACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant futureACTIVATE SELF has a brilliant future
Default

Dope.
__________________
Quote:
"Why have enemies, when you can have friends?"
ACTIVATE SELF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2018, 05:52 AM   #11
MMLP
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 598
Battle Record: 15-16


Champed
- Write Week 9

Rep Power: 9768087
MMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant futureMMLP has a brilliant future
Default

Such a good read, makes me wanna pen sumfin
MMLP is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2018, 04:08 PM   #12
Cereal
killa
 
Cereal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 820
Battle Record: 1-6



Rep Power: 1312296
Cereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant future
Default

pretty dope through and through
Cereal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2022, 02:24 AM   #13
Frank
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,228



Champed
- NWL Season 2
- Art of Writing League (5x)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- AOWL Season 6
- AOWL Season 10

Rep Power: 3853343
Frank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant futureFrank has a brilliant future
Default

@Hush @Diablo @Inno @White Earl @Ghost1 @ACTIVATE SELF @MMLP @Cereal

Ya'll kept me going fr fr

Wya?
__________________
VETWORK
Frank is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-30-2022, 02:25 AM   #14
Cereal
killa
 
Cereal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 820
Battle Record: 1-6



Rep Power: 1312296
Cereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant futureCereal has a brilliant future
Default

meleana
__________________
A-double scribble - A 19 th century euphemism for ass
Cereal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-01-2022, 01:37 AM   #15
H4ZE
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
Battle Record: 1-2



Rep Power: 0
H4ZE is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Well damn. This shit is crazy. Its been a long time for me since ive been into any text shit. But shit like this os what got me into it in the first place years ago. Reading shit like this makes me wanna write the best shit ive ever written in my life lmao.
H4ZE is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-14-2023, 03:13 AM   #16
Pharaohs Army
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14



Rep Power: 0
Pharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant future
Default

oldie **reserved for bit'a feed this week
Pharaohs Army is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2023, 04:30 PM   #17
Pharaohs Army
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,962
Battle Record: 6 - 14



Rep Power: 0
Pharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant futurePharaohs Army has a brilliant future
Default

Quality work, @Frankie.
You're one of the niftiest with it...could argue a fewww lines had some reaches for a phrase or rhyme to keep the scheme going...but that's picky stuff and not any-'ol writer can keep this up so long...so for what it was, a multi-extravaganza I thought you executed well.

From a rhyme scheme perspective:

Realizational loops. No one exempt, nobody, none of sacred excuse
The planet is angled obtuse: gravitational pull-pull—pull strain
The recluse of the galaxy into a dangerous youth


As a reader, for some reason my mind/ear was "begging" for a little rhyme with "strain"...before you go on with the "oo" vowel sound into infinity... (PROPS it was well done; if I have to pick at something: I just wanted an internal "ain" on the next line or somethin'...I donno.)

Glad you're the gatekeeper for the labor camp that is the AOWL.
I may be almost burnt out, but for the time being your commisionership is "un-earthing" occasional "real" efforts, however satirical, from me.

Thanks for playing with words on the Lime playground.
&GL

Last edited by Pharaohs Army; 02-27-2023 at 07:05 PM.
Pharaohs Army is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
stoppable hof

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:37 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2024 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Google+