04-27-2016, 09:47 PM | #1 |
Tsk Tsk
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Week 9: (1-3) Innovator vs. (0-1) Cereal_killa (INNOVATOR WINS 3-1)
Season 6 Verses are due Monday 5/2 11:59 PST Voting ends Wednesday 5/4 11:59 PST Verses May Not Exceed 48 Lines Voting on four battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will receive a loss instead. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Please post links to your four votes in the voting thread. Topic: You can almost taste the pressure now G/Luck @Cereal_Killa @Innovator
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I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by asylum; 05-05-2016 at 11:55 PM. |
04-29-2016, 04:13 PM | #2 |
Licking Lily's..
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Topic: You can almost taste the pressure now
Rape crisis centre in Elm street on gridlock ----- Little ol me turned inside out It's the same old song Earch answer ----- Drooping trees overlapping a paradime of gropping sold to me as grouping babbaling sewn through my baby fruitless scented skull in senses, bruising with the lapping droven dry.. With your own NO DEER SAPPLING Electricity does it exists in a wait, my arms are numb batting woven clapping in flutters.. restricted in that's a fucking tragedy yet.. Only in splatters .. off of you, at me merely Napping busted busting still standing in assumption.. (without what's in my mouth my tongue it is is it) ------------- Yes, I do know I can turn my head as the same.. At the same time already.. adjust frames of light and pollen aged/guilded fine holed in compfort of I In shattered to silence to find your steady.. of the next child and the next and the next child and next child.. Kicking in through statics flickers persist of We where always sitting here in your bladder high voltage pulse of each pupil filmed and sealed to hear.. Trust me.. IS Pet will become pat in clutch that child wrist with flush.. their there your *no* Visuals of missing.. No they are quiet clearly there *almost sewn* In my own powders disgrace off a scab or scrape Of the dumpster I sweat to prey for the water fountain to be made of coloured paint And or of stretched skin pattycaked tickled pink twice made with The smiles fuzzed back in the tears you know.. Possibly.. as you cross before me with speech tasted straight to if a tick is a tick (.......) and my automatic reponse has your we got it As a fence of languages in bricks paved in did You bath Me to groome the whole hole in eye follow Yes yes You I move to swallow same senses swallowed as if I was shattered shells in plastic cells desolving slides of my own wombs of missing reflections Between your I better YOUR legs moved Upon IT IS for a fact a clear passage.. Do you her Do you his Justified it Devided and does it hurt was it this once we're all strung together.. upstaged where like yes/no that You turned I in my sleep in each of us awake for later for whom And all I'm thinking is.. WHOM stole my.. Goldilocks and Black Rainbow Starbrite Everytime I hold my breath sold with bubbles unkept for you whom.. Yet me too.. THE ACTUAL point of yet me too.. with your eyes and fingers aimed and sent in my throat with isn't your tongue fluffy (That's all it was) ------------------ SAYS the boy customer, TO me the GIRL, the girl I am.. whom by the way lil man looks like a bear trap stepped in a flower sketched on his toenail shook dryer as the flower it was When it was.. looking at each strand as yours point of view on notice me Because she likes ruge blush..
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You think YOU'RE sick
I shit cough drops .. Last edited by Cereal_Killa; 04-29-2016 at 06:34 PM. |
05-02-2016, 10:29 PM | #3 |
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She salivates through her teeth smearing jealousy on her lip
Her heart palpitations jump off her shoulder sleeves with each skip. Shes a cornered tornado in ballroom dress and 6 inch heels White knuckles, sweaty palms and a nervous feel High stockings with a slight cut and an elegant appeal. Spft cheeks and a rose colored soul, her eyes so enticing Her iris, so blue you could sea the horizon... From across the gym she captured my full attention But i welcomed the tunnel vision with full perception The dance floor a jungle of bodies between the both of us Thumping bass lines and moving feet cohesively compete For my attention as i seek to find what will make me complete Fighting through the crowd the dance floor seems like miles now Now running through my head in the rain among the clouds Feeling doubt, unsure with low confidence i start to question myself What would she want from me shes high among the gods Shes a saint to a thief, my queen to my pawn. Checkmate. But i press on heart in sleeve hoping to be her suitor Stitching our souls to a perfect fit hoping for a future Walking through the crowd wiping the sweat pf my brow Capturing the moment to give my queen her crown As i get closer the air thin and i start to brief heavy Suddenly tunnel vision kicks in and the room gets empty And its just me and that blue horizon, i get lost in the depth And just as i almosy lose my chance and i almost forget. "Excuse me would you like to dance?" .....ok. |
05-03-2016, 07:59 PM | #4 |
Tsk Tsk
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inno - Good fuck at those first two opening line idioms, bravo. You were successfully able to tell the reader to read excited. lol at "sea/brief/almsy/pf/pf" etc. Mad typos, but aside, this verse is just dope man. Clear images and a story that's just clean as fuck. This verse is legible, but in all honesty, just barely. Does Not Matter. You executed your goal and vividly painted the image of this encounter between a creepy guy in all honesty, just staring and captivated by this baddii. In the end, she approaches the perv, which was you in this scenario, just saying hahaha. Solid writing, would be prestine if you cleaned it up, as is, just solid.
KC - Yeah, not as good as last weeks verse. Incoherent in spots. Hard to follow and a true headache to attempt. I love the progressive thinking, but I believe this style to be widely unsuccessful in all fronts. sorry. v/Innovator dude really killed his verse if you can overlook his numerous mechanical errors and simple typos
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I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR |
05-04-2016, 12:07 PM | #5 | |
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Yeah, I can't get into Cereal Killa's style. Sorry man, I just don't get it. I can kind of see it from a certain poetic angle, but it's not even poetry I really enjoy. No hate, just my take on it.
Inno, this was a cool piece. You executed your flip on the topic from start to finish. The only thing really is the spelling errors you made, although I think the see/sea was an intentional play on words personally. One thing, and it's small... Quote:
But I press on heart in sleeve hoping to be her suitor Stitching our souls to a perfect fit hoping to see a future You get an extra syllable rhyming without changing the content of the line imo. Small but those are the kinds of things to look out for that can increase the smoothness of the read. v/ Innovator |
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05-04-2016, 09:21 PM | #6 | |
rockkFresh
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Couldn't get into CKs verse. Honestly, only got like 3/5ths into it & stopped. Couldn't do it. I tried to find a rhythm, rap it different, faster, and at times I thought I found a pace and then, nope, I didn't. I don't fuck with this verse
Inno, solid drop. Quote:
vInnovator |
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05-05-2016, 02:31 AM | #7 |
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MVGT CK
Eroticly erratic. Little homie Innovator attempted a story which ain't the little homies strong suit. The homie needed spell check something serious. Voting Cereal Killer for what I think is the more interesting usage of the topic. Pardon my brevity.
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