meh... practice

[Paradigm]

"You'll never be me. I'm a legend, a champ. You're worthless, dude.
namix practically begged me to mod. He had never even heard of you." - @Certain

just practicing/throw aways... lol but yo

Who've you defeated? Every HoF i've versed was beaten.
I'm God so don't Question who I Am, THAT I Am is Alpha Omega, heathen
Beginners vs IHH Legends. Vets decide & vote the winner
Bey/Kin Rapped around this Fresh Meat & cooked'em raw like Diodes dinner
Beyond & I formed a phalanx. Impregnable styled rhymes
Netcees Read Coats Formation... & their murder in a single file line
If Muskets flare I'm never scared & charge with Bayonets
I've got a Gun Attachment, You're attached to Neigh's display of text
Stand in range, cannons aimed - fifty 40 pounders shift
Para Lies? ok, You weren't crushed & dull boy properly operated the forklift
I fucking hate Topicalists 99% of you are trolls & nerdy
My favorite Coat Tale is where you rode each others & Exited the Tourney

meh

Get Peaced before the first round when the hands be fired
got everyone laughing if you throw One like Bigg K versus Danny Myers
Ironic 10 Guns Holstered if you try to attack & murder me
You got Para Medics, when they left with YOUR body strapped, to a gurney
We run blocks, do dirt & buck shots at the meanest crews
You are all imposters faking that walk of life & wear those Adidas shoes
Pistol whips'll slash ya throat then watch'em bleed & suffer
Vocal cord between these two cans like each hand tryna talk to each other

Drop a link & ill rtf if you drop sufficient feed.

[sral]

LOL not sure if 'Red Coats' are the same thing over there, but here they're holiday entertainers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butlins_Redcoats


So that line made me chuckle. Stand in range, cannons aimed - fifty 40 pounders shift
Para Lies? You weren't crushed & dull boy properly operated the forklift
I fucking hate Topicalists 99% of you are trolls & nerdy
My favorite Coat Tale is where you rode each others & Exited the Tourney

Those last four were good ideas, closer the best IMHO, as I'm sure the para lies thing has been used on you at some point. It just has to have been.

Opening and closing bars of the second verse were the best, really felt the last one.

Keep that pen moving!

RTF: http://netcees.co/showthread.php?t=89375

[Certain]

Originally Posted by Paradigm

Beginners

[Paradigm]

Originally Posted by sraL

LOL not sure if 'Red Coats' are the same thing over there, but here they're holiday entertainers. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butlins_Redcoats

Rofl wtf... red coats is the British army or their nickname during the revolutionary war etc for us.

thanks for the feed. ill hit up your om a bit later tonight.

Originally Posted by Certain

nice feed. <3

[Certain]

Feedback: It doesn't look good when you call two opponents who have been doing this longer than you "beginners."

[Paradigm]

lol, Nice feedback again. I started in 2002ish btw but that doesn't really matter. Sorry, I'm used to people (even the people getting dissed in flex pieces etc) to offer quality feedback. I realize I won't get that here at Netcees, at least from you.

[Certain]

You mentioned me, then quoted me. Have you given me any feedback that I should be repaying? I give more and better feedback than anyone at this site. Don't come at me like that.

[Paradigm]

I didn't know I had to give you personal feedback to get feedback here in the om but if you would like me to give you feedback I will give it back in return. I just assume if people post they would give some type of quality feedback every time like they do on every other site i've been on. My bad. I apologize Certain. You don't have to be so salty though friend.

[Scripter]

Originally Posted by Paradigm

I didn't know I had to give you personal feedback to get feedback here in the om but if you would like me to give you feedback I will give it back in return. I just assume if people post they would give some type of quality feedback every time like they do on every other site i've been on. My bad. I apologize Certain. You don't have to be so salty though friend.

this site does suck for feedback

[oats]

Originally Posted by Scripter

this site does suck for feedback

Originally Posted by Scripter

LMFAO sweet!!!!

:-/


Who've you defeated? Every HoF i've versed was beaten.
I'm God so don't Question who 'I Am, THAT I Am' is Alpha Omega, heathen

this was bad tbh. I get the reference, but other than the god/I am that I am/alpha omega connection it isn't a punch, or even a sensible play, just loose associations crammed into a single line

Beginners vs IHH Legends. Vets decide & vote the winner
Bey/Kin Rapped around this Fresh Meat & cooked'em raw like Diodes dinner

this was a solid hit, idk who kin is but I don't need to in order to understand the line

Beyond & I formed a phalanx. Impregnable styled rhymes
Netcees Read Coats Formation... & their murder in a single file line

honestly, this was significantly better than the red coats line in our battle, which was worded horrifically.

If Muskets flare I'm never scared & charge with Bayonets
I've got a Gun Attachment, You're attached to Neigh's display of text

the personal is lost on me tbh, I wasn't aware Certain was attached to neighbor's text game. if true, it's a pretty decent line

Stand in range, cannons aimed - fifty 40 pounders shift
Para Lies? You weren't crushed & dull boy properly operated the forklift

wording fucked this up on the "you weren't crushed" part. I think you meant to say "you were crushed" (by the fifty 40 pounders) and then contrast it with the dull boy bit. good concept though

I fucking hate Topicalists 99% of you are trolls & nerdy
My favorite Coat Tale is where you rode each others & Exited the Tourney

lol this was dope

meh

Get Peaced before the first round when the hands be fired
got everyone laughing if you throw One like Bigg K versus Danny Myers

haven't watched the battle yet, now I kinda want to

Ironic 10 Guns Holstered if you try to attack & murder me
You got Para Medics, when they left with YOUR body strapped, to a gurney

predictable the way you worded it

We run blocks, do dirt & buck shots at the meanest crews
You are all imposters faking that walk of life & wear those Adidas shoes

someone in the tag tourney had a better adidas shoes line than this, which makes this a little weak from my perspective but still a decent line I guess

Pistol whips'll slit ya throat then watch'em bleed & suffer
Vocal cord between these two cans like each hand tryna talk to each other

also dope


overall, a solid compilation of ideas that were good enough to write somewhere, though probably not good enough to be in a formal battle. two dope lines in here though

[Paradigm]

Opener wasn't a punch just swag, I'm Kin lol, Certain made a neighbor thread in discussion, hmmm i need to drop the ? from that line to make it work, the rest word.

Thanks for the feed, appreciated. I'll RTF in a bit. @oats

[Beyond]

Who've you defeated? Every HoF i've versed was beaten.
I'm God so don't Question who 'I Am, THAT I Am' is Alpha Omega, heathen
Lol, decent opener. Like the swag of calling yourself God, etc. First line had good swag, too. Let them know who you are, fam.
Beginners vs IHH Legends. Vets decide & vote the winner
Bey/Kin Rapped around this Fresh Meat & cooked'em raw like Diodes dinner
IHH was dope, lol. Bacon flip was nice, haven't personally seen the Diode current event thread yet. Strong wording. Used Bacon/Bey kin vs. Deon in Bad Blood II 2nd round, but your flip was fresh (no pun intended).
Beyond & I formed a phalanx. Impregnable styled rhymes
Netcees Read Coats Formation... & their murder in a single file line
Strong wording again. Like how everything works perfectly both ways. Not really a fan of read/red at this point in text's existence, but there was enough extra stuff going on here to look beyond it. lol @oats doe being salty. The line was what it was. It was meant to be worded that way because it's more concise and somewhat smoother/streamlined to the Netcees' style. It wasn't meant to be complex, etc. Whatever I want something to be, it will be it. In text, topical, swag & flow, etc. Doesn't matter, God tier everything.
If Muskets flare I'm never scared & charge with Bayonets
I've got a Gun Attachment, You're attached to Neigh's display of text
Pretty solid personal jab here. Don't need a link or explanation or anything. 99% of this site with a vast amount being topical heads like his old GM buddies dull boy, big baby (might as well be since he's on their steez as well), Manhattan, Darth Yoda, El Pancake (read big baby), etc are Neigh's dick. No surprise there. Dude is dope no doubt and has lots of friends here.
Stand in range, cannons aimed - fifty 40 pounders shift
Para Lies? ok, You weren't crushed & dull boy properly operated the forklift
I like the idea if the nameplay hasn't been done yet, but wouldn't it of been better if you said he was crushed? Kind of confused by this line, honestly. Maybe connect like dull boy crushed his heart or something? Or he had a crush on dull boy? Idk, just carrying on from the Neighbor/GM/weird troll/bodybuilder/alias/senseless multies/paragraph style/say outlandish things that make no sense because it's funny/cool/gay/goes against social norms circle jerk from the previous line.
I fucking hate Topicalists 99% of you are trolls & nerdy
My favorite Coat Tale is where you rode each others & Exited the Tourney
lol @ first line. Damn, homie. In the Open Mic section you were the man, homie. Fuck happened to you? Second line is pure Ether. Make ya soul burn slow. Ouch.

meh

Get Peaced before the first round when the hands be fired
got everyone laughing if you throw One like Bigg K versus Danny Myers
Haven't seen the battle, but seems like it'd be good.
Ironic 10 Guns Holstered if you try to attack & murder me
You got Para Medics, when they left with YOUR body strapped, to a gurney
Good idea if it hasn't been used. Don't like the second comma after strapped. Seems weird and out of place.
We run blocks, do dirt & buck shots at the meanest crews
You are all imposters faking that walk of life & wear those Adidas shoes
*Impostor, apparently. There was a red line under it so I Googled it and sure enough, it's spelled with an o at the end. I don't recall personally using the word recently if at all in writing, but if i would, I probably would of looked it up beforehand like all other words I'm not sure of. Either way, once I do it's in my memory banks forever. And that, boys and girls, is all today on your lesson about why Beyond is so good in text. It has nothing to do with trying or effort, but just natural gifts (cognition). Actually, now that I think about it I guess the 5 second act of Googling something to make sure it's legit could constitute effort. Oh well, either way this bar was pretty solid. Smooth. Similar to your bar before it, not too complex or anything. More of just a reference line.
Pistol whips'll slit ya throat then watch'em bleed & suffer
Vocal cord between these two cans like each hand tryna talk to each other
First line doesn't really make sense. How could pistol whipping someone slit their throat? Idk, mang. lol. Idk. Either replace pistol whip with slash, like, with a knife, or something? Or slit ya throat with something else? Like gunshot wound for instance? Just spit balling here... liked the cord between these two cans idea. Creative.

Overall pretty good verse here, some parts could of been better obviously, but these are throwaway lines apparently, so that's understandable. And now here's he part where I randomly insert some mindless rambling into my feedback to make it look much more in depth that it is. LOL @ "I give better feedback than anyone here." I'll give you the 'more' aspect of it because that's objective, although I personally don't know if that's true or not, so other people who give feedback might find that offensive. Idk. Either way, I'm sure most here have gone through phases where they've fed literally everything that's been dropped. So what, you're feeding more than anyone RIGHT NOW, in a month you may not feed anything or not even be texting anymore. Who cares. You're also apparently the mod of the forum, so makes sense for you to feed more than others. I'm sure we've all been there, too. But I digress. Sort of. Well, not really. Kind of. Okay. But nah, you don't give better feedback than anyone because giving BETTER or the BEST feedback IS entirely subjective. Maybe you just say some bullshit like I'm doing right now and make it seem like you're giving good feedback, but you're really not. Maybe you just talk shit and say they are wack, but go into detail about it without actually trying to tell them how to improve their writing. Maybe you just praise people's writing and give no insight as to how to improve their craft (I'm sure you do that with any Neigh/Pancake/GM/etc drop). Maybe you're just an egotistical faggot who would get slayed by 90% of battlers in a topical battle writing about taking it up the ass. I don't know, man. I don't know. Either way, this was all very pointless and has no bearing on anything. I just see things as I'm sure others do that make me thing someone is a faggot and sometimes I will write essays on why I feel that makes me think they are a faggot. Just for roflz, you know? Or something. Idk. Overall, though, this was a pretty solid diss/throwaway lines verse here, my main mans. Hope to see more from you in the future.

Stay up.

[Sho Money EMG]

just practicing/throw aways... lol but yo

Who've you defeated? Every HoF i've versed was beaten.
I'm God so don't Question who 'I Am, THAT I Am' is Alpha Omega, heathen

Sick

Beginners vs IHH Legends. Vets decide & vote the winner
Bey/Kin Rapped around this Fresh Meat & cooked'em raw like Diodes dinner

Lol dope np/personal

Beyond & I formed a phalanx. Impregnable styled rhymes
Netcees Read Coats Formation... & their murder in a single file line

Diggin this

If Muskets flare I'm never scared & charge with Bayonets
I've got a Gun Attachment, You're attached to Neigh's display of text

Wooooo

Stand in range, cannons aimed - fifty 40 pounders shift
Para Lies? ok, You weren't crushed & dull boy properly operated the forklift

Lmao

I fucking hate Topicalists 99% of you are trolls & nerdy
My favorite Coat Tale is where you rode each others & Exited the Tourney

Lool

meh

Get Peaced before the first round when the hands be fired
got everyone laughing if you throw One like Bigg K versus Danny Myers

Nice

Ironic 10 Guns Holstered if you try to attack & murder me
You got Para Medics, when they left with YOUR body strapped, to a gurney

Sick

We run blocks, do dirt & buck shots at the meanest crews
You are all imposters faking that walk of life & wear those Adidas shoes

Nice

Pistol whips'll slit ya throat then watch'em bleed & suffer
Vocal cord between these two cans like each hand tryna talk to each other

Killlerr leaned


Dope shit kin. Very good read.

U merkedd

[oats]

Lol not salty @Beyond. That line was worded truly awfully.

[Exis]

Originally Posted by Certain

I give more and better feedback than anyone at this site.

Free postin' in people's threads you mean, I agree.

Comin' across as a God and actually bein' one are different Certain, the fact that you've been around so long and haven't improved over time should be a real indication that you should hold your tongue more, maybe let your pen do the talkin' for once, is my advice.

[Paradigm]

dead, WORD @Beyond preach on man. Thanks for the feed. You to gamble.

[oats]

lol@Bey's response, never seen feed incorporate so much slobber. here is why your line was awful @Paradigm @Beyond. Keep in mind, I've given you props when you have dope lines (coat tails in here, so ur wild oats in our battle, etc). This is a learning opportunity for you.

We about that life while y'all just skittishly thugging.
We'll leave u so red, Coats they'll think the British are coming.

the comma and the word "they'll" completely fuck this line up. had anyone other than Bey dropped it, people would have said it was wack. typical battler dickriding tbh. here's why. best wordplay works both ways. good wordplay can still work one way. this works zero ways.

we'll leave you so redcoats they'll think the british is coming=doesn't make sense
we'll leave you so red, Coats they'll think the british is coming=doesn't make sense

I get it, redcoats=British and leaving us red means you hit us. cool. but the way it's worded is clunky as fuck.

btw the fact that beyond gave you props on that equally horrendous opener in this verse is not something to be proud of. I expected better from the both of you. oh and my diss that I wrote on the subway home still shits on this :)

[Paradigm]

You're entitled to your opinion. Thanks for responding.

[Beyond]

Originally Posted by oats

lol@Bey's response, never seen feed incorporate so much slobber. here is why your line was awful @Paradigm @Beyond. Keep in mind, I've given you props when you have dope lines (coat tails in here, so ur wild oats in our battle, etc). This is a learning opportunity for you.

We about that life while y'all just skittishly thugging.
We'll leave u so red, Coats they'll think the British are coming.

the comma and the word "they'll" completely fuck this line up. had anyone other than Bey dropped it, people would have said it was wack. typical battler dickriding tbh. here's why. best wordplay works both ways. good wordplay can still work one way. this works zero ways.

we'll leave you so redcoats they'll think the british is coming=doesn't make sense
we'll leave you so red, Coats they'll think the british is coming=doesn't make sense

I get it, redcoats=British and leaving us red means you hit us. cool. but the way it's worded is clunky as fuck.

btw the fact that beyond gave you props on that equally horrendous opener in this verse is not something to be proud of. I expected better from the both of you. oh and my diss that I wrote on the subway home still shits on this :)

I appreciate the feedback and will take it under consideration.

Sike.

Idc. I know what I was doing when I did the line. No shit it didn't make sense both ways, most wordplays don't and people call them dope. I was taking advantage of that. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

If I wanted to make it work both ways, it would of worked both ways. I didn't care to put that much effort in against two poem writers and clearly I didn't have to.

You can't teach me anything when it comes to text. I've written and read more verses than God. If I write something you don't like, it was intentional. Not everyone thinks like you, if they did you would of swept us instead of getting folded.

Feel me?

pz

[Eŋg]

Originally Posted by Beyond

would of

props, El.