02-03-2013, 04:19 PM | #1 |
Senior Citizen
Join Date: Aug 1997
Posts: 3,871
Battle Record: 4-3
Rep Power: 0 |
E2
Name: E2
Crews: pMp'z Where: Albuquerque, NM Repped: Sethros, UPN, RM vs Adrunk I’m the vilest nihilist bringing violence, & thus hell Ad is a pistachio- that’s his style, in a nutshell I’m the virus your brain installed, just let the pain assault Every foe’s a deli***y- I take em with a grain of salt Complain & bawl- I’ve always been a man of six minds Using one to beat your ass & laughing with five Ad just dickrides; him & Winona Ryder look for Sacks now You could even quit heroin & still not put the smack-down Just to keep this kid off my nuts I gotta wear ball-caps If writing were driving, Adrunk would probably call cabs… My written strike is literal like the pen in your ap‘pen’dix You may as well have never even been in my attendance & when you post rhymes for critique, no one gives a fuck You could vomit with a boner & still not get it upped I’m the one who owns you… mom ain’t a part of that …Roll over & die like a dog with a heart attack Your arsenal is over with, how could you not notice it? In battle you’re more under-armed than deodorant You can’t conceive lines that become a feature of the month Even racing for drinks at prom, I’d beat you to the punch Just quit battling, dude- trust me-it’s the truth You’d be ‘better off’ like lights in ugly bitches’ rooms I’m right here, so don’t ever ask if God exists Your job ain’t battling, kid… don’t call in sick I’m smarter in type, you borrowed your time as a martyr who died & your brain is my property, Ad- you got a ‘lot’ on your mind vs Doo Doo In Arse I posted this now so you get 3 days for responding to this cause your writing's as much of a joke as your moniker is plus all my sources cite you're one fourth my height and so fucking wack that showing up is unsportsmanlike my records are long-standing like the body of a Dachshund and if you aint a muffler, tell me why you so exhausted? battling is fishing, i'm the old man on the Sea with skills like a blind whore... you gotta hand it to me my battle verse is hung and i'mma slam it in your cunt even if you operate as a man and get it done what planet are you from? you can't compete with your opponent Even 4 year olds tell you to "speak when you are tolded" you're droppin smaller quantities than gerbil shits in toilets your whole fucking verse looks like a circle since its pointless i'll blast off- bash your eyes and trash talk then get charged with battery like Energizer's mascot Your flows suck so bad they're leaving leech trails If you ever had a career, it's washed up like beached whales i'll beat you till you wake up dazed with a make up case go study astronomy, bitch- all you do is take up space i rape vets all day, let alone your fake text i break keeping heads rolling like tapedecks on play you jumped to conclusions and pulled your metatarsals Doo Doo, every line you drop is shit... all they are is 'bar-stools' whenever defining sick, there's a picture of me to compare it with you're about as good of a writer as Richard Reid is a terrorist both of you fail to blow it up- but at least you were wack if not, i might not be 1-0... and i appreciate that vs Espionage Everyone likes an underdog… getting bashed by a vet I got one question, man- how'd you get past I.N.S.? It seems your mastery of plain just has to be innate You look like Iverson on Quaaludes… after being raped & speaking of your birth- you've been frail since the day I'mma put you outta commission like how salesmen get paid But your minimum wage is set; even your agent said Sime didn't give you a seed… he posted your age instead You record in your spare time but can't afford any airtime Guess that scar on your head fractured more than your hairline …Your perspective would've been absurd if you had filmed it Cause your head's so use to the ground it's permanently tilted You came in completely entire now you'll leave in a vile Wake up & smell the coffin cause you'll be there a while You need to retire- just don't expect a pension from the game What have you ever done to earn the mention of your name? Enter this tournament? Get lucky for a few rounds then bounce? You're lightweight- couldn't kill-a-gram, let alone pound an ounce I doubt amounts of your material even vaguely make sense The boundary on your neck means that chain-link is fenced You know all too well how the bottom of the barrel smells You're actually 0-37… waiting for the next Peril- L & it scares the hell outta you; even your she-male is shell-shocked It's your own disco funeral & you'll be there with Bells on I said shhhhhhhhh.... Espi can't offend me- ending with 'Muthaphucka!' is trendy You may be full-up on NV but you're still running on MT & giving it your all but you're a little bit too gone …You ain't in your own league living with your mom Isn't it the bomb? Ok, not when you can't see the light of day I'm smacking you open-handed like the United Way I'm a grand slam… you're nothing but a bunt, kid All you are is my fourth down… no wonder you got punted Ain't even 25% champion, you're just a quarter-finalist I got a date with destiny & you don't know what time it is I know what your favorite meal is so I made you tubesteak Why'd you even show up? Oh wait- it's April Fool's Day See, you'll likely be a bye so I might not even try Throwing unibrows connecting right between your eyes It's a sight to see you cry, but you were never liked on my lap Even after you did that cockumentary about life on my sack You claim you're best known but came with dead tone So put a noose around your penis & hang your head low Your suicidal tendencies don't want a friend it seems There's 2 E's in Espionage… it starts & ends with me But now the Grim Reaper is your best friend- goodnight I'm tucking you in Esp… don't let the deathbedbugs bite vs SLICK I push the envelope, you get pushed-over like dominos In the school of hard knocks, I'm always on the honor roll The game was much impressed because I play with such intent If you battle religiously, you should've gave it up for Lent 81%… needs 29 more to match this effortless type-write It's ok to finish last- that just makes you a nice guy None of your ideas fly… some you see die on impact I'm still the real dick & you're a penile implant You're some actor from Akron, isn't that an anachronism? With verse neither solid NOR fluid; it's gelatinous You could fly to Indochina just to praise all your quotes …But I wouldn't go so far as to say you were dope Your only battle skills involve the duck & running part Even as Ron Jeremy's dick, you're no Up & Coming star You need to raise-your-writes like people in courts do When it comes to battle, you pull out like corkscrews You're a Bum with split personalities, now you're Broke in two Your name may as well be Sesame… kid, I'm about to Open you The fact you're a biter? … That has to be vital Your rhymes are garbage & I'm glad you recycle It's damn suicidal for you, but you're not allowed to bitch My verse took a Hike & still went off without a Hitch So E2 oughtta bag it, I could crush you automatic Slyck's a pomegranate & I got a palm of granite If you don't like pain, I'mma turn you into a masochist Not only did I devour you, I over-8 you like an asterisk Your verse ain't the only thing that got cut, just ask your wrists I already took my picture for the next round after this So, voters… I think y'all know whose verse reads better Slyck can't live up to his name, let alone his first 3 letters :) vs Moniker E2's he who's causing the hum in your brain, makin fun of your pain Call me Marshall, cause I'll "Faulk" you since I'm "running this game" I'm one in the same with darkness, cause my sight is pale and gloomy You could be Graham Greene filing suit and still would fail to "Sioux" me Now stop your mess, you're not the best, I'll chop your flesh And cremate the Grim Reaper just to make it "hot to death" So watch your text, while this master moves through miscues I bet you cry when you masturbate so you have to use two tissues I'm reducing Moniker's primitive acts and motives to crumbs Son, how you gonna grip the mic when you lack opposable thumbs? Before this battle, Michael was steadily talking shit with zeal But now he's like mute nuns in a convent, cause all his "lips are sealed" Yet you fail to realize that the severity of the carnage my vocals spawn Is like sticking your hand down the drain when the garbage disposal's on While I'm uplifting fears of flames to leave you pissed with tears of rage I'd embarrass you PUBlically, but you're only fifteen years of age So nothing you say can entice this vet to respect your indecisive rep Cause you're driving me crazy and you ain't even got a license yet So why you gotta act lewd? Clap you if you're that rude- infact, dude The only way you're "ballin" is all on Weapon X's sack-pubes You're wack, cubed- rubbish to the third power- less than meaningless While my light shines so bright that y'all wear Ray-Bans reading this Hey man, eat a dick- and be prepared, for when my talk'll cause a mic eruption I'll thin you out worse than Calista Flockhart after liposuction All my enemies are food, you know that- I readily prove my foes lack To display the skill that just ain't there like Ebenezer Scrooge's Prozac On your brother, Nate, is where you're aimin sperm, you flaimin herb You founded the first gay publication and named it "Lay-men's Terms" I'd turn this slaughterer to mince meat, but my monitor prevents me So just remember if I was the president, you'd be Moniker Lewinsky |
02-03-2013, 04:19 PM | #2 |
Senior Citizen
Join Date: Aug 1997
Posts: 3,871
Battle Record: 4-3
Rep Power: 0 |
vs Rudge1 (2 Rounds)
Stop and see that you to text is like Black and Decker to cosmetics You're writing with skills less seen than rapping lepers with prosthetics I'm the reason for this basis, now gaze as Jesus ruptures faces And since I left your knees hooked up to braces- you can't "flea" much like the bassist I read your stuff in patience- hoping you might throw some mad clout But Rudge1 does more "rim jobs" than Shawn Kemp in a bathhouse I've been tempted to pass out- from the wackness of your choke holds See, I asked Rudge if he'd toke bowls- and he said "sure I love to smoke poles" So fuck your homo, sober ass- I know you're reminiscing about the days of old When you use to party by renting gay porn and drinking a case of Jolt My very appearance causes your automatic fear and mechanical panic Since I saw you sucking the crocodile hunter's dick on the Animal Planet In an interview you said "I can't write, and '91was the last I read rhymes" So I'mma be sleepin on your shit, cause it's way past my bedtime And I'm saddened, cause you brag at Mr. Universe contests, "I've had him" So, yo Adam, is it ok if I just add an M and call you madam? Cause you're a fag and everyone knows I'm rippin your edible replies publicly Leaving you with more bandages than medical supply companies You can't contest this you deaf bitch, cause steppin to me when my breath's crisp Is like Kevorkian's victim's, cause Rudge- you must got a death wish Ain't no room to give this bastard comfort- I'mma smash your bumper While this mass-debunker and master plunders this faggot ass-spelunker Once, you were enemy one- but blown down from faking melodies, son See I ain't even warm and I'm blazin you like your hometown in 1871 Since Chicago "bears" no pro by the name of this shitty, starvin, brash geek Because my verses "get more looks" than both of Ricky Martin's ass-cheeks I see we meet again, except this time you had to FIND some extra lines & that's the reason why you got all those hyphens-in-that-rhyme I leave asses painted, & you got a smudged bum- want a grudge, son? You ain't fought a battle yet, but you're about to dRUDGE 1 You're breathing on the fumes left wheezing on this dude's breath So what if you beat Oracle; he ain't even got a pube yet Wait, what am I talking about- neither do you, your riders are few But that's because your recitals are too crude to reside with a crew Even biters refute plagiarizing your stuff since it's so horribly wack You'd probably make this battle racial saying, 'There's no ignoring me- black' Yet seeing how weakened your text is, there's no need to impress kids I'll bet you'd pop your blowup doll just to leave a bitch 'breathless' Bionic leagues of force are forged in legions warped with seething warts In honesty, of course- I'm sicker than moldy cottage cheese & borscht I attack with wondrous, youthful vision- my acupuncture bruises rhythm But you're so terribly unskilled that 'wack' becomes a euphemism Everyone knows I bust a nut because my prose erupts with lust Rudge only lives in the 'windy city' because he blows & sucks so much & hoes would love to clutch my dick except you're always riding it Even the last one was decided, kid- only god knows why you tried again Hey Adam, I'mma steal Eve & leave you strangling on a digital tether Cause all you are is a Trojan since you were 'ribbed' for her pleasure You got no brains, my one syllable is better than your whole page Your dumbass thought 'Madagascar' was ghetto slang for 'road rage' This rogue raids your media zoo- my devious clues are feasibly true & victory's like a supermodel because I make it so 'ease E2 do' I'll menace this lame rapper 'till his reticent brain splatters Cause I got my 'name inside his head' just like Jennifer's 'Grey matter' Adam's so greasy that petroleum jelly's now play-doh to Rudge I'll take out your tongue & inject heroin so you can't 'say no to drugs' Your horrid typing failed- fuck a reign; my torrents strike with hail Rudge is left to nurse his wounds just like Florence Nightingale You're child's play, don't even think your maturation's spawning You're too busy throwing pebbles while I'm saturation bombing Why'd I prepare the fanciest script? This player- Evantheus rips You're the pansiest bitch, stop asking to share the championship This transient's sick of everything your Nazarite ass recites Cause my soul's glow turns hoes into PermAFROdites E2's a machine, & remains calm when this impatient slut revolts Cause every time I battle Rudge, he licks my nuts and 'bolts' I enlighten by receiving rays; you're the tireless type in need of praise It's obvious Rudge is dyslexic, watch him try & recite his CBA's Thinking of trying to challenge me? Go get your head scanned in sections Cause that's a penalty that's stiffer than a dead man's erection Like the Rose with abortion this is where the choice stops Evan's got so many rhymes, I had to install another voice box You're 'bananas' thinking 'split' personalities won't leave both of you dead Your focus'll shed- as I'm bashing this championship trophy over your head |
06-07-2018, 05:04 PM | #3 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,230
Battle Record: 28-3
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"God Speed, Hallowed Bird- Thanksgiving special" (2005)
"Geeeet iiiiin my gastrointestinal traaaaaaact" God speed, hallowed bird—bearer of thine bounty Thy will is great, though defeated you were soundly Gently roasting at 275 for 12 hours, breast down Rest now, save thine juices 'til I ingest thou Oh sweet Jesus, please pass the rolls, Gravy, stuffing, and green bean casserole About to explode, but I can’t really stop Hook me up with some more of that cranberry sauce Oh, gosh—I musta gained three sizes Nothing’s lookin better than them pumpkin pies is It’s the football, the feast, the time of the year it’s set T-day ain’t just one thing, it’s a cumulative effect But if I had to pick one reason above all the rest I guess it’s the leftovers, better than sex So wherever you ate, kid—I hope you got a piece From the casino buffet line to a cold Iraqi feast God speed, hallowed bird—or if you’re from the south God speed, turducken—Happy T-day, I’m out Where's the Pepto
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06-07-2018, 05:24 PM | #4 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,230
Battle Record: 28-3
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Rep Power: 85899391 |
"When You Were" (2013)
At 16 you were so sweet, I tailgated jailbait Lay awake at night and knew I couldn't stay away When you were 21 and partying at the clubs I was starting to figure out it's hard to be your love When you were 26, you were screwing plenty dicks It's a good thing for me I don't give many shits When you were 29, such a mess (you were fine) "Set aside you and I--foolish pride," you would jibe When you were 34, going through your third divorce At court someone called you a worthless dirty whore At 38 you had two kids but your hips was still great Your wits were amazing, your tits were both fake When you were 43, you wasn't over the hill You was choking Hoboken hoagies sober or swilled When you were 50: half a sench, still had half an ass to mention I woulda smashed it fast in less than half a second When you were 57, you were looking pissed as ever Gazing up at heaven thinking, "where the hell is Evan?" Now you're 65, matter of fact--so am I Maybe we could get a drink and retire tonight...
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06-07-2018, 05:28 PM | #5 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,230
Battle Record: 28-3
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"I Am The World" (2002)
I am the world, the oceans are my blood Continents are skin; the atmosphere- my lungs I’ve no energy left, you spent it all- now I’m done But I can’t leave, my life revolves around my sun Even Jimi Hendrix called my Axis Bold as Love The equator is my belt, but Atlas holds me up Every time I sweat, it’s like a thick dew falls Plus I’m sexually frustrated; I’m a big blue-ball If I ever get my ozone fixed, well that’ll be the day Why chop down the rainforests? I don’t need a shave My canyons are cuts & gashes break open chasms Tectonic plates are muscles, earthquakes are spasms Half of me shivers while the other half wallows in heat I just wish the moon would stop following me Volcanoes are my zits, spewing pus born in mantle I’ve been here long enough to blow out 4 billion candles My craters are bruises & I’ve got ‘em all the way ‘round But who threw these rocks? Bullies on the playground? I’m stargazing, staring every bright light down Other planets are jealous I’ve got life right now Just lay down on your belly… we’ll be face to face I am the world & all I do is take up space Indelible PmP mp3.com/ObCom
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06-07-2018, 05:47 PM | #6 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
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"Smoking Section 16" (2011)
First time I smelled it, I wanted a drag--“it’s gotta be bad” I took one draw then I stole my friend’s pack In fact I ain’t stopped smoking since then No really--each cigarette lit the next until this... But I ain’t gonna put it out, marlboro or parliament I’m coughin up margarine so hard I see stars from it I’m an alcoholic--but wait, it’s not what you think Honestly, man... I only smoke when I drink And when I say I smoke filters I aint talking about the type I mean I smoke the PAST the filter -- anyone got a light? Smack a patch on my dick and jack off to pics I get a rash but the fix comes so fast I can’t quit Prolly smoke during chemo, and if they got a bad word Tell em “Doctor, lung cancer don’t mean ‘can’t’, sir”-- No answer... Can’t recall days with no tar--kids: don’t start I smoked so much, Bogart say “yo, he go hard”
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06-08-2018, 04:48 AM | #7 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
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Posts: 8,230
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"Craigslist Personal Ad" (2009)
Posted today on craigslist Hey ladies, how ya doin? Let’s just say my name is John And I’m looking for a Jane Doe to take home to mom Wait, no—that’s wrong; I just wanna have some fun tonight And see what it’s like when you swallow my come and die My sex drive is vicious, guess I like killing beavers My dick’s a lethal weapon… that’s why it’s 9 millimeters I mean it. About me: I’m 6 feet tall and I’m wild at heart Sure, I don’t drink or smoke but I’m trying to start I still live with my parents, cause no rent is the bomb But don’t worry, we can do it in their bed when they’re gone So let’s get it on; I want sex for free, please cross-dress for me While we watch MTV and swap STDs Oh yeah, um… I got herpes—I hope that don’t bother you But I’m not a fool… shit, chances are you got it too I hate pets—they’ll make me sick when they’re watching us fuck I’ll vomit if I’m conscious enough when I’m knocking you up But I sort of feel relieved that I’m morbidly obese Cause all that really means is there’s more of me to please So no matter how desperate your lovelife seems Just remember you’re on craigslist, girl… just like me
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06-08-2018, 05:08 AM | #8 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
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Posts: 8,230
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"Dear Mathyou" (2009)
My Dearest Mathyou, As I pen this epistle, I’m a man on a mission I send you this missive in the hopes that you’ll get it I wanna ride off into the sunset with you on a t-rex Talk about the birds and the bees, then play with your penis Get down on my knees and please Jesus Feel his salvation on my face—yeah, I need this On the sixth day God made your dick and saw that it was hard On the seventh day he rested, but watched it from afar We can snuggle and watch Glenn Beck and then Left Behind And wait for the apocalypse until the end of time In bed you’re so fine, hot like Tabasco all night If god hates gays why’d he make your asshole so tight? Place your hand on my dick and pretend it’s the bible There’s only one passage: Vas Deferens—recite it It’s like this: Mathyou, we aint fucked in months There ain’t no second coming, I done busted once But whenever you come, just holler in pain I’ll wipe it up with the shroud of Turin… it’s already stained REPENT AND BELIEVE IN JESUS H. CHRIST
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