I Am Debut M.C.

Debut MC · 03-23-2019, 10:52 PM

Debut M.C.

Memory Muscles Effortlessly Pen Lyrics to A Blank Canvas,
Ink Bleeds Emptiness Away, I seen the Nothingness Vanish.
Mind Drifts blindly Before Dancing in a Spectrum of Pulses,
Pauses become Obssessions, Penstrokes is what my Soul Indulges.
Frequent Jitters Appear as Suttle Seizures, but are Patterns of a Nervous Twitch,
Scattered Scrolls, Followed but Untold, are Chronicled by Faded and Tattered Blueprints.
Excellence a Concept Blood Soaked from Images vaguely Darkened,
Isolated Beneath the Earth, I Seldomly Wander Without Blades Sharpened.
With these Cuts to the Flesh I'm A Warrior Wounded, Most Battle Scars Healed,
Minds a Minefield, Bomb Shelters Constructed, Exploded Fragments Embedded the Bloodshed Spilled.
Navigating through the Cavernous Commons the Enemy Suffered a Fatal Blow,
Torching the Scenery, Portraits Blaze to a Symphony of Trumpets that now Blow.

DMS · 03-23-2019, 11:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debut MC

Debut M.C.

Memory Muscles Effortlessly Pen Lyrics to A Blank Canvas,
Ink Bleeds Emptiness Away, I seen the Nothingness Vanish.
Mind Drifts blindly Before Dancing in a Spectrum of Pulses,
Pauses become Obssessions, Penstrokes is what my Soul Indulges.
Frequent Jitters Appear as Suttle Seizures, but are Patterns of a Nervous Twitch,
Scattered Scrolls, Followed but Untold, are Chronicled by Faded and Tattered Blueprints.
Excellence a Concept Blood Soaked from Images vaguely Darkened,
Isolated Beneath the Earth, I Seldomly Wander Without Blades Sharpened.
With these Cuts to the Flesh I'm A Warrior Wounded, Most Battle Scars Healed,
Minds a Minefield, Bomb Shelters Constructed, Exploded Fragments Embedded the Bloodshed Spilled.
Navigating through the Cavernous Commons the Enemy Suffered a Fatal Blow,
Torching the Scenery, Portraits Blaze to a Symphony of Trumpets that now Blow.

I’ve seen*

Pharaohs Army · 03-27-2019, 12:14 AM

so many things rhyme with blow. why'd you use blow again?

ZZZ

UnbornBuddha · 03-27-2019, 03:31 AM

I like the imagery here, but there is something with the syntax that makes the read somewhat awkward and unnatural. Also, the transitional movement from thought to thought isn't the cleanest so it adds to this discrepancy of syntactic dissonance that I feel. That being said, I see potential if you can expand on the concepts in a more in-depth way to multiply its grip and intensity. I would like to see a unique spin on things, what's your mark and signature. I see words here, but the canvass as you said is blank in regards to flavoring. Make it come alive more.

Exis · 03-27-2019, 07:49 AM

Excellence a Concept Blood Soaked from Images vaguely Darkened,
Isolated Beneath the Earth, I Seldomly Wander Without Blades Sharpened.
With these Cuts to the Flesh I'm A Warrior Wounded, Most Battle Scars Healed,
Minds a Minefield, Bomb Shelters Constructed, Exploded Fragments Embedded the Bloodshed Spilled.

Nice imagery man...

Def think this could be fleshed out more, like overall as a piece...But I enjoyed it for what it is, & thanks for the feed on my shit bro.

Stay upwards.

03-23-2019, 10:52 PM	#1
Debut MC It Is I, Debut M.C. Join Date: Mar 2019 Posts: 12 Rep Power: 0	I Am Debut M.C. *Debut M.C.* Memory Muscles Effortlessly Pen Lyrics to A Blank Canvas, Ink Bleeds Emptiness Away, I seen the Nothingness Vanish. Mind Drifts blindly Before Dancing in a Spectrum of Pulses, Pauses become Obssessions, Penstrokes is what my Soul Indulges. Frequent Jitters Appear as Suttle Seizures, but are Patterns of a Nervous Twitch, Scattered Scrolls, Followed but Untold, are Chronicled by Faded and Tattered Blueprints. Excellence a Concept Blood Soaked from Images vaguely Darkened, Isolated Beneath the Earth, I Seldomly Wander Without Blades Sharpened. With these Cuts to the Flesh I'm A Warrior Wounded, Most Battle Scars Healed, Minds a Minefield, Bomb Shelters Constructed, Exploded Fragments Embedded the Bloodshed Spilled. Navigating through the Cavernous Commons the Enemy Suffered a Fatal Blow, Torching the Scenery, Portraits Blaze to a Symphony of Trumpets that now Blow.

03-27-2019, 12:14 AM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	so many things rhyme with blow. why'd you use blow again? ZZZ

03-27-2019, 03:31 AM	#4
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856375	I like the imagery here, but there is something with the syntax that makes the read somewhat awkward and unnatural. Also, the transitional movement from thought to thought isn't the cleanest so it adds to this discrepancy of syntactic dissonance that I feel. That being said, I see potential if you can expand on the concepts in a more in-depth way to multiply its grip and intensity. I would like to see a unique spin on things, what's your mark and signature. I see words here, but the canvass as you said is blank in regards to flavoring. Make it come alive more.

03-27-2019, 07:49 AM	#5
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,938 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	Excellence a Concept Blood Soaked from Images vaguely Darkened, Isolated Beneath the Earth, I Seldomly Wander Without Blades Sharpened. With these Cuts to the Flesh I'm A Warrior Wounded, Most Battle Scars Healed, Minds a Minefield, Bomb Shelters Constructed, Exploded Fragments Embedded the Bloodshed Spilled. Nice imagery man... Def think this could be fleshed out more, like overall as a piece...But I enjoyed it for what it is, & thanks for the feed on my shit bro. Stay upwards.