Week 1: Adonis (0-0) vs. Mr. J (0-0) - MR. J WINS 3-2

Frank · 12-10-2016, 05:18 AM

Season 7

Verses are due Thursday 12/15 at 11:59 PST. EXT 12/16 11:59 PST

Voting ends Sunday 12/18 at 11:59 PST

Verses may not exceed 64 lines

Voting on 3 battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will not receive a victory. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension.

Topic: Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.

Good luck to both participants @Adonis @Mr. J

Adonis · 12-13-2016, 09:22 PM

It’s Finally here, week one, welcome back
Fresh off six successful years in a flash
Most of which quite frankly, goddamned complex
Patterns and concepts, stories teetering conscious
We’ve gone chess, Cakes layered with tempo
Subtle phrase placed for innuendo
We’ve certainly had lows in this land
But let’s be honest, that’s better left dead… man
We’ve crowned our past champs
Now lets move on and clash hands…

…

He’s been weathered by time
Aged to perfection, a leathery rind
Still, he’s been doctoring rhymes
Placement that matters, patterns designed
Weaving webs whimsically that he’s gathered in mind
Making matter with lines, painting image with words
Fluid with air, each thought’s making cadence concur
Takes the scenic route down memory lane
Consecutive 2-12 seasons were just growing pain
Now a decade removed, he fought to be average
Rhyming savage with gastric is a stretch of a habit…
But A,B,A,B sounds like a parrot indeed
But then again pay homage, without it, where would he be?
But he’s of an era removed
Black Mamba, ready to hang up them boots
But not until he’s met one worthy of holding his urn
But fuck it J, these rookies can’t match….

For now, we’ll just let our shit burn
Puff, Puff, Puff, and then pass

Mr. J · 12-18-2016, 04:01 PM

Burdened by tomorrow only to wake up late.
a person, a follower that only takes up space
my purpose is sorrow with a made up face...
Position: A model sitting in this 'made up' state.
delusions are a reflection from this manual in hand
a few pencils to draw the diagram, value in plans.
precious stones couldn't parallel how valued I am.
weight only adds pressure to the everlasting effort
you think she wants to see from that vantage? Never!
feet wrapped in the priciest spanish leathers...
a bag sent from Vienna, due to past dilemmas.
fragrance of the era, darkest tint of mascara ..
Only to run rampant as the ink to the pad.
perfection lost due the heartbreak that sinks in her lap.
Daddys little girl, spoiled to the point of teenage queen.
throwing a fit due the absence of her father on her sweet 16.

MMLP · 12-20-2016, 11:10 AM

Very even match up here, no one really grabbed the bull by the horns and wanted the win it seems, just two half-hearted verses that I felt were keyed.

Both spins on the topic were executed nicely however.
Adonis’ piece felt genuine and my from the heart, I can picture you two chilling out and writing something together.
Mr J had better diction, was more in depth and condensed, shame he didn’t continue his flow from the earlier part of his verse.

vote J on preference on the topic

Razah · 12-20-2016, 12:29 PM

Mr J, should've kept that scheme you had in the first four bars going, shit was butter. Overall, solid verse. I think Adonis verse was better fitting for the topic, but I liked your verse more. Something about the ending couplet, although the first & third syllable match, it sounds a little off when I say it. I dunno, I'm iffy about how it sounded. Anyways, decent verse bruh.

Adonis, I wasn't a fan of the beginning part. It's kind of cool how it fit in, but I wasn't a fan of it. Listing the previous champs was cool but it felt kind of forced, at least in my eyes. The second part was smooth to me. I like how you had a steady good scheme going & would switch it up to another smooth scheme, the transition and switch up was refreshing. I felt like if you would have extended the second part or done something different as opposed to the beginning part, I would've given you my vote.

Solid shit from both, I guess I'm just nitpicking with most people in this league, except for those few who uh, kinda' really need the help.

vMr. J

Frank · 12-21-2016, 03:33 AM

MVGT: Adonis

Adonis, Was fond of seeing my name suffixed into the first piece of the season. Salute. Nice cadence. Pitch perfect to begin the second couplet, noticeable velocity to your syllable placement there. J attempted to tie in the topic, but did so tackily. I got Adonis taking this in all judgeable categories. Check the mag for a more detail oriented assessment.

UnbornBuddha · 12-21-2016, 04:50 AM

Both were enjoyable picturesque reads. Adonis gave us a ride through memory lane, even mentioning me. Or my former alias. Anyhow, it featured all the usual aspects Adonis draws for us. The ebb and flow of a poetic cadence so remarkably his.
And Mr. J who whimsically bullies us around with his smooth delivery, but yet with a comical twist. He sometimes overshadows his own work trying play the part of the joker, therefore his work doesn't fully actualize to its full-potential.

Adonis also kind of read like an old school rap. Mr. J's style is more advanced. But, alas I choose Adonis because his work left a bigger imprint on me, even if it was just a momentary reflection, it nevertheless had a better impact on my reflective-self.

Vote: Adonis

Sammy · 12-21-2016, 08:54 PM

Adonis really digging the poetry of your language. Cool how u went all meta and stuff like that. Flow is butter. The alliteration was dope them it kind of surfaced to often which takes away from the effective. But word all in all dope verse. One of my favorite verse of the week.

Joker cool character study. You gave Lotz of shades and dimensions to the character. The scheme worked well to paint the picture of the spoiled kid. I suppose my only issue is that it was I wish u carried the theme all the way, at least for the ending. You had th is cool art thing going on but it kind of went nowhere

Adonis had one of ,your favorite dropsocial of the week unfortunately, just had my favorite drop of the week. Slick rhyme and interesting character sketch wins it for me.

12-10-2016, 05:18 AM	#1
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853343	Week 1: Adonis (0-0) vs. Mr. J (0-0) - MR. J WINS 3-2 Season 7 Verses are due Thursday 12/15 at 11:59 PST. EXT 12/16 11:59 PST Voting ends Sunday 12/18 at 11:59 PST Verses may not exceed 64 lines Voting on 3 battles is required. If you win and don't vote the requirement you will not receive a victory. If you lose and don't vote the requirement, you will receive a one-week suspension. Topic: Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. Good luck to both participants @Adonis @Mr. J __________________ *VETWORK*

12-13-2016, 09:22 PM	#2
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946446	It’s Finally here, week one, welcome back Fresh off six successful years in a flash Most of which quite frankly, goddamned complex Patterns and concepts, stories teetering conscious We’ve gone chess, Cakes layered with tempo Subtle phrase placed for innuendo We’ve certainly had lows in this land But let’s be honest, that’s better left dead… man We’ve crowned our past champs Now lets move on and clash hands… … He’s been weathered by time Aged to perfection, a leathery rind Still, he’s been doctoring rhymes Placement that matters, patterns designed Weaving webs whimsically that he’s gathered in mind Making matter with lines, painting image with words Fluid with air, each thought’s making cadence concur Takes the scenic route down memory lane Consecutive 2-12 seasons were just growing pain Now a decade removed, he fought to be average Rhyming savage with gastric is a stretch of a habit… But A,B,A,B sounds like a parrot indeed But then again pay homage, without it, where would he be? But he’s of an era removed Black Mamba, ready to hang up them boots But not until he’s met one worthy of holding his urn But fuck it J, these rookies can’t match…. For now, we’ll just let our shit burn Puff, Puff, Puff, and then pass __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 12-16-2016 at 09:35 PM.

12-18-2016, 04:01 PM	#3
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,026 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349678	Burdened by tomorrow only to wake up late. a person, a follower that only takes up space my purpose is sorrow with a made up face... Position: A model sitting in this 'made up' state. delusions are a reflection from this manual in hand a few pencils to draw the diagram, value in plans. precious stones couldn't parallel how valued I am. weight only adds pressure to the everlasting effort you think she wants to see from that vantage? Never! feet wrapped in the priciest spanish leathers... a bag sent from Vienna, due to past dilemmas. fragrance of the era, darkest tint of mascara .. Only to run rampant as the ink to the pad. perfection lost due the heartbreak that sinks in her lap. Daddys little girl, spoiled to the point of teenage queen. throwing a fit due the absence of her father on her sweet 16. __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

12-21-2016, 03:33 AM	#6
Frank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2001 Posts: 3,228 Champed - NWL Season 2 - Art of Writing League (5x) - Lime Green Poetry Association - AOWL Season 6 - AOWL Season 10 Rep Power: 3853343	MVGT: Adonis Adonis, Was fond of seeing my name suffixed into the first piece of the season. Salute. Nice cadence. Pitch perfect to begin the second couplet, noticeable velocity to your syllable placement there. J attempted to tie in the topic, but did so tackily. I got Adonis taking this in all judgeable categories. Check the mag for a more detail oriented assessment. __________________ *VETWORK*

12-20-2016, 11:10 AM	#4
MMLP Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 600 Battle Record: 15-16 Champed - Write Week 9 Rep Power: 9768087	Very even match up here, no one really grabbed the bull by the horns and wanted the win it seems, just two half-hearted verses that I felt were keyed. Both spins on the topic were executed nicely however. Adonis’ piece felt genuine and my from the heart, I can picture you two chilling out and writing something together. Mr J had better diction, was more in depth and condensed, shame he didn’t continue his flow from the earlier part of his verse. vote J on preference on the topic

12-20-2016, 12:29 PM	#5
Razah rockkFresh Join Date: Apr 2015 Location: Chicago. Posts: 1,088 Battle Record: 8-10 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 11328542	Mr J, should've kept that scheme you had in the first four bars going, shit was butter. Overall, solid verse. I think Adonis verse was better fitting for the topic, but I liked your verse more. Something about the ending couplet, although the first & third syllable match, it sounds a little off when I say it. I dunno, I'm iffy about how it sounded. Anyways, decent verse bruh. Adonis, I wasn't a fan of the beginning part. It's kind of cool how it fit in, but I wasn't a fan of it. Listing the previous champs was cool but it felt kind of forced, at least in my eyes. The second part was smooth to me. I like how you had a steady good scheme going & would switch it up to another smooth scheme, the transition and switch up was refreshing. I felt like if you would have extended the second part or done something different as opposed to the beginning part, I would've given you my vote. Solid shit from both, I guess I'm just nitpicking with most people in this league, except for those few who uh, kinda' really need the help. vMr. J

12-21-2016, 04:50 AM	#7
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856375	Both were enjoyable picturesque reads. Adonis gave us a ride through memory lane, even mentioning me. Or my former alias. Anyhow, it featured all the usual aspects Adonis draws for us. The ebb and flow of a poetic cadence so remarkably his. And Mr. J who whimsically bullies us around with his smooth delivery, but yet with a comical twist. He sometimes overshadows his own work trying play the part of the joker, therefore his work doesn't fully actualize to its full-potential. Adonis also kind of read like an old school rap. Mr. J's style is more advanced. But, alas I choose Adonis because his work left a bigger imprint on me, even if it was just a momentary reflection, it nevertheless had a better impact on my reflective-self. Vote: Adonis

12-21-2016, 08:54 PM	#8
Sammy Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2015 Posts: 103 Champed - Write Week 7 Rep Power: 3415773	Adonis really digging the poetry of your language. Cool how u went all meta and stuff like that. Flow is butter. The alliteration was dope them it kind of surfaced to often which takes away from the effective. But word all in all dope verse. One of my favorite verse of the week. Joker cool character study. You gave Lotz of shades and dimensions to the character. The scheme worked well to paint the picture of the spoiled kid. I suppose my only issue is that it was I wish u carried the theme all the way, at least for the ending. You had th is cool art thing going on but it kind of went nowhere Adonis had one of ,your favorite dropsocial of the week unfortunately, just had my favorite drop of the week. Slick rhyme and interesting character sketch wins it for me.