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Old 03-24-2020, 04:58 AM   #1
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Default GWL WK 2: Inno vs Dead Man (DEADMAN WINS)


GUERRILLA WRITING LEAGUE


GTL WK2: @Inno vs @dead man

30 lines max.
Check-in due Wednesday UK time. Verses due Friday. Votes due Sunday.

Topic:
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Old 03-24-2020, 09:52 AM   #2
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Old 03-27-2020, 04:27 PM   #3
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Old 03-27-2020, 04:58 PM   #4
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Oh wow yea didn’t even know we had a battle

Ok I’ll post this weekend
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Old 03-30-2020, 09:43 PM   #5
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lost in the lights



Vibrant darkness, engulfed pupils
Radiant emptiness to the cuticles
Crowded freedom in abundance
The walls distant with redundancy
Consitant hypocracy
The ceilings full of comedy,
Laughter riddled paint chips
Smearing colorless hues
Windows covered in rainbows
Still i soak in the rain poured
Life on repeat. Groundhog symptoms
Waking up to the same old darkness
Wishing for a shade to rest my eyes on
But the soot billows beneath my iris
An eternal blink, sinking between eyelashes
Pupils drenched in black
Hope drowning in the undertow
Countless mirrors holding my relfection
Though i forget who i am
Lost in the translation

But...

With finger tips for a nose
I touch the aromas of the day
The breeze dancing along my hair line
Tingling the roots until my brain waltz'
As i collapse within the rhythm
Tasting the trees
I get tongue tied within the leafs
I know the grass is green
Between the shadows
I know the flowers seed
The subtle whisp of the crowds reverberate
Along the walls of the sky walkers
The city comes alive
And my darkness dances with the sun
And my eyes flutter in the dark
Staring at the sounds...

...wishing i could see it all.








"In our endeavors to recall to memory something long forgotten, we often find ourselves upon the very verge of remembrance, without being able, in the end, to remember."
-Edgar Allen Poe
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Old 03-30-2020, 10:44 PM   #6
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Default the light

yes, it was

only a room. 4 corners. plaster and stone
bedframe cabinets clothes. rolling rocks, gathering mold
i would thumbtack old tapestries and sketches and posters
bring my kodak into walgreens to develop my photos
kept them in a box and left it out in the open
so we could sit around and smoke and laugh at our moments
scrawled graffiti everywhere and then i painted it over
cypher rhymes until our favorite instrumentals got old
mistadobalina in my speakers for ages
deltron 3030 / atmosphere / bronze nazareth / cage
recounting salad days to battle age like rat in a maze
i mastered my own masquerade
confronted truth and ran away
walked in with can of cola. left out with a hand grenade
ampitheater talent. Red Line train to work on Saturday
sleeping in til after daylight
palace made of plastic trays
my shelves were stacks of milk crates in this
water damaged palisade
defenses high, my Castlevania. demented mania
in the ceiling rodents scratching at night, the more the merrier
panic attacks, delirium. regression and change
heartbreak thievery adultery addiction and pain
friendship, family, safety. warmth affection and bravery
move a little closer while we listened to rain
fall outside that dusty window. drifting away
rolling over smelling cigarettes she kissed me awake
i learned everything there. i miss my desk where we carved
all our names in x-acto like a letter to god
forever a bond from adolescence to uncertain beyonds
left and never returned. but it was nobody's fault
now i'm outside
recalling all of that while wondering who's
moving underneath the light inside of that room
breathing in my phantoms
leasing monthly a tomb
where i lived and died so many nights escaping from view.

it's a trip, to wonder who
is in there now. i hope you love
every floorboard and creak underfoot
voicing their discontent





thank you
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Last edited by dead man; 03-30-2020 at 11:09 PM.
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Old 03-31-2020, 08:58 AM   #7
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Good God. Battle of the week here. This is like choosing between a Picasso and a Rembrandt...

Inno - your stuff is poetry. Everything about it, the layout, the wording, the intended subtle yet effective imagery. I really enjoyed this take on a muted, dull topic. This whole thing felt like coming out of a depression and finally seeing the light at then end... of the tunnel vision... such a small thing exploded into something beautiful. Only complaint was it might've strayed a bit too far from the picture... in terms of taking liberties. But man, great verse.

dead man - funny I didn't even notice that light on in that window until you mentioned it. Talk about attention to detail. And what a thing to focus your verse on... I thought it was brilliant. The flow and imagery were all on point as expected, lines blended together seamlessly, and you dropped some knowledge as you always do, that made me ponder the nature of my very existence lol. You continue to be one of the very best writers I've seen online... and I've been lurking around since 2002. Anyway, loved the story you told here, truly heartbreaking stuff. I think that's what gave you the edge.

But honestly guys, both are winners after this one. Just, you know, dont take a week to do this shit next time lol.

Vote - dead man

Bravo.
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Old 03-31-2020, 09:02 AM   #8
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This was a battle of topical titans to be honest, and i loved the imagery from both and iy paired well with my morning coffee as dawn was just barely breaking, all made for an incredible read

Inno - I loved how vivid your imagery was, it really brought the dreariness of the picture to life, your short lines didn't feel like they were taking anything away from the piece, no content was lost in my eyes it just made it more engaging and faster paced which i enjoyed the rapid fire pictures coming at me. It was a dope piece and i think this part stuck out to me most

With finger tips for a nose
I touch the aromas of the day
The breeze dancing along my hair line
Tingling the roots until my brain waltz'

Just an amazing couple bars, really liked that shit

dead man - Your story had a personal spin to it that i really enjoyed, it was a lot more relatable and still had a good connection with your topic, i felt much of the same feelings as i did with Inno's piece, you brought the darkness and everything to life, loved the tidbits of nostalgia here too, they stood on their own very well

i learned everything there. i miss my desk where we carved
all our names in x-acto like a letter to god
forever a bond from adolescence to uncertain beyonds
left and never returned. but it was nobody's fault
now i'm outside
recalling all of that while wondering who's
moving underneath the light inside of that room
breathing in my phantoms
leasing monthly a tomb
where i lived and died so many nights escaping from view.

This was wonderful. I felt all of that right to the heart. It just made me feel lonely, took me back to my own room of my adolescence and just really brought so many emotions back so props on that.

Overall guys i wish i didn't have to pick just one of you but alas that is the law of the land so i think I'm leaning towards deadman as his story had a more personal connection in my eyes, invoked a lot more emotion and was just a more complete piece. Still loved Inno's piece here, so deadman wins

V/deadman
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Old 04-01-2020, 01:07 PM   #9
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Inno-

Your verse really takes off; I feel like I walked into a theatre in the middle of a drama. I loved how it did this.

My favorite section:

Smearing colorless hues
Windows covered in rainbows
Still i soak in the rain poured
Life on repeat. Groundhog symptoms
Waking up to the same old darkness
Wishing for a shade to rest my eyes on
But the soot billows beneath my iris
An eternal blink, sinking between eyelashes

..This is such an intact mixture of rhythm and cohesiveness within the narrative. "But the soot billows beneath my iris".. Jesus Christ. That's a fucking fantastic line particularly within the verse.

The second half, I really love this:

Tingling the roots until my brain waltz'
As i collapse within the rhythm
Tasting the trees
I get tongue tied within the leafs

.. I'm a sucker for natural imagery so this really contributes a lot to the piece.


Deadman-

The speed and the cadence really picks up as the verse moves. You really made it breathe when it needed to, and it felt urgent when it needed to. I love that it was personal and as with any successful personal piece- it cuts deep.

Some of my favorite lines:
only a room. 4 corners. plaster and stone
bedframe cabinets clothes. rolling rocks, gathering mold
i would thumbtack old tapestries and sketches and posters
bring my kodak into walgreens to develop my photos
..The rhythm is immediate and you do a great job at almost making it feel like the piece started the way it does because it had to. you needed a deep breath. it clearly pours out of you.

sleeping in til after daylight
palace made of plastic trays
my shelves were stacks of milk crates in this
water damaged palisade
defenses high, my Castlevania.

..This is just golden. Love this just because.



Alllllright. Two very different styles and very different interpretations of the image. I think my choice could change depending on the time of the fucking day. Great verses, you two.

Vote - dead man
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Old 04-01-2020, 07:30 PM   #10
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Dead Man wins 3-0
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