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03-13-2015, 07:09 PM | #61 |
White Earl
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as for the whole penis thing @Witty and @uh-oh
man, worst dick story i have is this.. i was shaving and trimming up my facial hair. decided i wanted to make the rest of my body nice and smooth for the ladies/or the one i was with at the time anyway. i decided to remove the guard from my beard and mustache trimmer, (i kept one for facial and one for body hair guys) so that i could get a nice low cut on my everything from neck down. the shape up job was going well until i came to the below the belt area. without getting to much into details here on a prominantly male board.. the no guard clippers pinched me somehwere rather sharply and cause a lot of bleeding. the bleeding wouldnt stop. i had to litterally go to the hospital because i thought i sliced a bad vein or something. told the nurse that i cut my dick off with my clippers -should have seen the look on her face. they immediately took me in the back. by the time the doctor showed up -the bleeding had stopped though from applying pressure with whatever the nurse had given me a towel or something. it was pretty much just embarrassing all the way around.
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03-13-2015, 07:11 PM | #62 | |
Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,794
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Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
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Quote:
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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03-13-2015, 07:12 PM | #63 |
Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,794
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic
Rep Power: 82986458 |
@Genocide I read 'I was shaving' and stopped...I will read further if you can guarantee your story does not involve a mutilated penis.
I just can't.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
03-13-2015, 07:16 PM | #64 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 26,349
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 84181442 |
I immediately regret questionimg the credibility of the posts itt
Please go back to robbing people fuckin bitches an beatin people up Smh. Repulsive bros. |
03-13-2015, 07:17 PM | #65 | |
Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,794
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic
Rep Power: 82986458 |
Quote:
acting like your dick been perfect ur whole life. I'M FUCKING ON TO YOU.
__________________
He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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03-13-2015, 07:19 PM | #66 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 26,349
Battle Record: 0-1
Rep Power: 84181442 |
No bro. I have dark dick tales.
But tell them.about the butt stuff witty.....tell them |
03-13-2015, 07:20 PM | #67 | |
Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,794
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic
Rep Power: 82986458 |
Quote:
I'm scared. :(
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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03-13-2015, 07:34 PM | #68 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
bbixihio got gud 1
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03-13-2015, 07:35 PM | #69 |
DA GOD
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canton Ohio
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- Beat Battle V
- Beat Bags
Rep Power: 84181417 |
if you havent caught loose nutsack skin in a pair of hair/beard clippers i don't trust you as a man
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EVERYBODY I KNOW GOT WEED OR GOT POWDER BUT I AINT GOT EITHER. GOT ALOT OF DEMONS |
03-13-2015, 07:57 PM | #70 | |
NJ Devil
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 12,042
Battle Record: Who Cares
Accomplishments - Hall of Fame
Rep Power: 84181417 |
Quote:
But yo i been 100 in this thread Whoever lying shame on u
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Bed stuy fly Bushwick sick East ny walk |
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03-13-2015, 08:06 PM | #71 |
Banned
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Astoria, NY
Posts: 1,417
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Rep Power: 0 |
Lmaooo. This conversation should not be had.
I'm pretty sure every niggas clipped their dick and/or balls unless you're a redneck faggot who doesn't manscape. |
03-13-2015, 10:31 PM | #72 |
IN LOVE WITH A STRIPPER
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,985
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Rep Power: 23089119 |
Fun facts
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03-13-2015, 11:16 PM | #73 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
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I used to steal Sir Arthur Conan Doyle short stories and use them for my 8th grade language arts class.
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03-14-2015, 12:18 AM | #74 |
obsessed
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: fucka idiyote
Posts: 5,716
Battle Record: Faggot-1
Accomplishments - can recite entirety of shrek 2
Champed - tangoed with spider man behind scenes in spider-man 2
- was candidate for gerber baby 3x
- smush parker like bb comment on instagram saying "u fucka suck idiyote"
- smush beer on head and didn't cry
- parallel parked in between 2 ferrari's in tonky truck once
- when saying pledge of allegiance i said "i don't" lmao deadass bb satan
- won tshirt from taco bell saying "taco cat" is the same backwards for filling out 500 surveys in a
- neighbor house caught on fire i call FIRE department and saved lives, was in newspaper
- set neighbor house on fire lmao
- fuck neighbor husband and wife
- first fish caught resembled david ortiz
- colin kaepernick
- related to genghis khan
- elected assistant to the vice president assistant to the president for regional chess club
- never lost game of hide and seek
Rep Power: 8599678 |
lol @ vulgar biting his whole life
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03-14-2015, 12:25 AM | #75 |
that nigga
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: trailer house
Posts: 2,739
Rep Power: 85899382 |
When the discussion reaches the DOGS AND PEANUT BUTTER territory, somebody mention me and I will be back.
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03-14-2015, 03:39 AM | #77 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,255
Battle Record: 28-3
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Rep Power: 85899391 |
I forever keep it a pound with you all, I shit myself at last years office Christmas party... I'd had bubbleguts ALL FUCKING DAY but been toilet so many times I thought it was finished by the night time. We had all gone to this fancy place/hotel where the theme was Mouiin Rouge so everyone dressed like a slut or a boss, right?
after the main meal, I went to go outside for a cigarette, realised I had none so I started walking to find a store... Walked maybe ten minutes from the place, decided to give up and turn round (it was December, cold, all the work peeps were back there) when I started feeling another toilet trip coming on... Felt like the world wanted to squeeze it's way out my ass... I started walking back quickly, trying to make it to he venue and toilets inside... A little bit came out, not much, I figured I'd just throw my boxers off in a bin in the bathroom once back... CARRY ON AND ENJOY MY NIGHT... Then a little more squeaked out, my stomachs going crazy at this point, wanting to release EVERYTHING at once, but I'm resisting... MY STOMACHS GROWLING LIKE FUCK at this point Then suddenly BOOM! the red seas were done parting, out it came like a gushing biblical downpour or runny soft shit... I didn't know what to do, I had to get back to the venue as I didn't know any of these street names etc... My phone is going crazy at this point, everyone's ringing me from the party to find out we're I was! FUCK! Eventually I get to the venue and call Mrs Lars (who's at home) tell her to call me a cab and explain what's happened to her... The cab eventually arrives, I sit in the back --- silent ---- like a peado file who has just been arrested... I didn't speak for the entire journey home! I'm sat in back with this waft of stale odourous shit and nowhere to look but at the back of the seat infront of me wondering what i'm gonna do/say if he brings up the fact his car stinks to high heavens of my faeces looooooool The smell of my own shit filled the cab. The guy must have known. he just has to have known. it was blatabntly obvious. lol I was in a suit stinking of ass and diarrhoea. Disgusting. He drops me home after like a 30 min journey and I'm like... "Cheers mate!" Exiting politely, as you do I get in my own front door, relieved as FUCK, thinking ive made it and escaped the worst situation of my entire life... and my mother in law and wife's best friend have come over to say hello to Mrs Lars... Worst night in a while I swear to you hahaha!
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03-14-2015, 05:11 AM | #78 | |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,255
Battle Record: 28-3
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Rep Power: 85899391 |
Quote:
the same scar runs to past the bottom of my lip on the left side my face (in the pic) - its fainter, but you can make out the slight pink colour difference no idea what i was doing here lol the cut to my bottom lip is clearer in this one though
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- Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season) Last edited by sral; 03-14-2015 at 05:15 AM. |
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03-14-2015, 08:47 AM | #79 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,255
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
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- Art of Writing League
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- Black August II
Rep Power: 85899391 |
fuck it, i'll go in...
when i was deep into addiction, my one boy worked as manager at a charity shop. we'd be doing lines at his place of work all day in the office, my boy @MMLP will vouch we set up a fake raffle the one day, i was on the till charging ppl £1 a strip... we collected up like £40-50 over the course of a day and spent the whole lot on drugs that evening he announced the winner at his work the next day, said some old bitch volunteer had won and gave her a giant teddy bear someone had donated to them thats got to be one of my lowest points ever emb chills just writing it
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03-14-2015, 08:52 AM | #80 |
Shrewd as evearthed
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wolverhampton, England
Posts: 8,255
Battle Record: 28-3
Champed - Gimmick Battle League
- The Winter Topical
- Topical Martyrs
- Lime Green Poetry Association
- Lyric Olympics
- Art of Writing League
- Guerrilla Writing League (2x)
- Black August II
Rep Power: 85899391 |
not me, but another friend of mine, when we were like 13-14 used to mess around with this dirty chick
just feeling her boobs and fingering her, light kiddie shit... anyway they used to go down this place that was like an old sewage works with tunnels he told me they were down there this one day and he was fingering fuck outta here with the quickness, his hand slipped out and dipped into the sewage beneath them he continued to finger this broad regardless like fuck it, thought nothing of it YEARS AND YEARS later im talking now, we hear this bitch has developed cysts on her ovaries and all sorts of shit lol she goes to the docs because of the pain and has no idea whats up... ends up needing a hysterectomy or some shit where they remove all her reproductive organs and tell her she will never be able to have kids to this DAY I still clown him saying he's the reason she can never reproduce loooooool theres only about 3-4 of us who know that tale straight nasty shit yo ahahahahahaha
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