Exis vs Innovator - INNOVATOR WINS

[bleak]

SOL Season 1
Wk 1

Due Thursday, Jan 24th

Minimum - 10 lines
Max - 16 lines
Line limit can increase if both agree
24hr ext to be granted by opponent

NO biting
NO swaying
NO feeding
You MUST check in
Don't edit after your opponent has posted
2nd person to post can't edit after the first vote comes in
Don't be an idiot
Don't use your opponent's pic unless it's a pic battle
Agree on a line limit
May God have mercy on your souls

@Exis @Innovator

[Exis]

Check fam...

[Exis]

Ayo,

Innovator went from nigga slave to administrator
Like pin the tail on some honkey shit is a bloody winners game
Let's be inquisitive for a second and look at my work,
I can go first without havin' a thread set up or havin' it nursed
Inn is goin' reverse, pullin' dick outta his ass
Run up to me all fuckin' masked with it
And he still couldn't pull victory outta my grasp
Gettin' ripped up and awkwardly slashed like left hand scissors
Let organs spill from your neck down to the tip of your liver
I'll snip you off of this the map like circumcisions on Jews
This is a division of the hardest lyrical fuckin' misfits and you
Your just a bitch with some lyric book, slightly pissed and removed
From reality, You mad at me? When rappin's my habit
Sit back, relax a little then rep me like everyone else on here faggot
It don't take some hazard act for me to blast maggot cats
With these gats for free, I've aimed so long my visions blurred and squinty like I'm Japanese.

[Inno]

Who you kidding, we all know u a fagot dropping hints
when u say You’re down under, that’s code for sucking dingo dicks
Fucking creep, nobody fucks with you and that’s a fact
Cuz X, you give a whole meaning to the phrase “where my dogs at?”
Plain and simple there’s no denying it X, you pooch fucking bitch
Even yah girls like “why does the dog love peanut butter so much?”
And the truth is I’m sure you’ve ridden more than once the red rocket
Cuz your the only nigga that walks his dog with a condom in his pocket
And homie your delusional if you think your getting this win tho
But I guess if you suck dog dicks all reality goes out the window

[SHECK WES]

Exis:

All I’m gonna say is you need to learn how to rhyme, no point in breaking down your bars because idk what any of it means and I feel dumb sitting here trying to decipher everything.


Innovator:

Who you kidding, we all know u a fagot dropping hints
when u say You’re down under, that’s code for sucking dingo dicks
decent flip, I lol’ed at the word dingo
Fucking creep, nobody fucks with you and that’s a fact
Cuz X, you give a whole meaning to the phrase “where my dogs at?”
lol this one was better, I hope it’s the last dog punch tho
Plain and simple there’s no denying it X, you pooch fucking bitch
Even yah girls like “why does the dog love peanut butter so much?”
lol I’m dead
And the truth is I’m sure you’ve ridden more than once the red rocket
Cuz your the only nigga that walks his dog with a condom in his pocket
haha nah
And homie your delusional if you think your getting this win tho
But I guess if you suck dog dicks all reality goes out the window
haha nah


If Exis knew how to battle he would’ve probably won this lol but Inno had some dog lines in there that made me laugh


Vote Innovator

[Sharp]

Innovator went from nigga slave to administrator
Like pin the tail on some honkey shit is a bloody winners game
tbh, I don't understand this, probably because I don't know what a 'winners game' is.
Let's be inquisitive for a second and look at my work,
I can go first without havin' a thread set up or havin' it nursed
this is kind of boastful and barely mentions Inno. It kind of borders on filler, since you have such a strict limit you really need to make each line (or couplet) count. Generally, you wanna try to avoid this sort of thing during a verse
Inn is goin' reverse, pullin' dick outta his ass
Run up to me all fuckin' masked with it
And he still couldn't pull victory outta my grasp
conceptually, I got you, style wise, I love that you're doing something different, but the wording isn't very harsh. The punchline being 'still couldn't pull a victory out of my grasp' feels like it exists to rhyme with the setup, but I would try going the other way around - make your punchline sound exactly how you want it to, then build the setup around that
Gettin' ripped up and awkwardly slashed like left hand scissors
Let organs spill from your neck down to the tip of your liver
now we're all in on the imagery. I see imagery as a tool in the toolbelt, but it can't carry a bar alone. Since the closest thing to a flip is actually the setup, I'd reverse and reword it

Organs spilling out the body. Bloody mess from neck to liver
You'll get cut up awkwardly and off-handed like fuckin lefty scissors

Concept is based around making cut up awkward/lefty scissors the star. I think of wording a battle bar like wording a joke, if you can hold off until the end to reveal the flip, it has more impact. Imagine knowing the punchline of the joke immediately - that's what you wanna avoid.
I'll snip you off of this the map like circumcisions on Jews
This is a division of the hardest lyrical fuckin' misfits and you
I like how this is joke-ish, in that the punchline is that twist at the end, but it's missing an added layer of wp to really make it hit. This kind of delivery is almost too jokey and only really works when it's a completely new concept (and the whole '... And you', sadly, is not)
Your just a bitch with some lyric book, slightly pissed and removed
I understand that this is part of the last bar, but the way people read verses, they'll see a couplet that ended with a punch and figure that was it. This is just an extra line hanging out to rhyme, since the diss itself is just a statement with an end rhyme
From reality, You mad at me? When rappin's my habit
Sit back, relax a little then rep me like everyone else on here faggot
again, a statement. This really isn't much like live battles in that delivery is a complete non-factor. Without a wordplay or concept, you won't have people quoting you
It don't take some hazard act for me to blast maggot cats
With these gats for free, I've aimed so long my visions blurred and squinty like I'm Japanese.
I like switching up the rhyme scheme. Some battle people may not. This has a simile, probably the most used tool for battles, the joke-like reveal of putting in at the end, and the unexpected factor to make the punch land. No one was expecting Japanese, so it's something. Problem here is that it doesn't really involve Innovator at all. Bars about yourself don't really carry verses for reasons I said above. If you could take this delivery format and try to make it about Inno, you'd have some hits

Exis, the technical writing could help a lot, but you need punchlines bro. Not tryna out-rap him so much as diss him, but I do like seeing your flow n how it's different at times


Who you kidding, we all know u a fagot dropping hints
when u say You’re down under, that’s code for sucking dingo dicks
this is okay. It's personal enough to hit
Fucking creep, nobody fucks with you and that’s a fact
Cuz X, you give a whole meaning to the phrase “where my dogs at?”
nice, if I'm being nitpicky (which I already did with Exis), 'give a whole meaning' should use 'new' instead of 'whole'
Plain and simple there’s no denying it X, you pooch fucking bitch
Even yah girls like “why does the dog love peanut butter so much?”
this is a funny idea, but right here you would benefit from literally anything that's not a dog bar
And the truth is I’m sure you’ve ridden more than once the red rocket
Cuz your the only nigga that walks his dog with a condom in his pocket
same as above
And homie your delusional if you think your getting this win tho
But I guess if you suck dog dicks all reality goes out the window
alright fuck u whatever


Too many dog bars, but the DMX was good enough to win this one

V/inno

[Sharp]

Up over closed

[Saint]

inno

[Allen Knight]

Inn is goin' reverse, pullin' dick outta his ass
Run up to me all fuckin' masked with it
And he still couldn't pull victory outta my grasp

Vs

Fucking creep, nobody fucks with you and that’s a fact
Cuz X, you give a whole meaning to the phrase “where my dogs at?”
Plain and simple there’s no denying it X, you pooch fucking bitch
Even yah girls like “why does the dog love peanut butter so much?”

V/Innovator, this was a different battle, both have some ideas.
just need to be harsher tbh an creative some lines were bland need more punchlines but keep battlin yah'll.

[SHECK WES]

Originally Posted by Infiltrate

inno

Why do you do these things? Makes me wanna fight you lyrically

[Incredible]

Don't have the time to break anything down here but I figured I'd give my two cents on what's still open for votes....

This battle wasn't that great inno had some good shit aside from the dog dick gimmick in every line would probably normally have lost a battle but I mean from exis very first line the whole nigga slave put me on pause...then for the rest of that line not to even rhyme, just went on to do much...I know I'm no top tier textcee but this wasn't good exis your not reading other verses and learning from them...only way you'll get it...

Vote - Inno