05-23-2015, 07:41 PM | #1 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
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10. Frank vs. fraze - (fraze wins by NS)
You've been enlisted for an abstract cause.
NO LINE LIMIT VOTE ON OTHER BATTLES (thanks) Verses Due Sunday Morning. Midnight Western / 3 AM Eastern / 8 AM UK. (Extensions only granted if opponent accepts, anything else is unaccepted.) Voting Ends Monday Night 12 AM Western / 3AM Eastern / 8 AM UK. Exceptions can be made if a suitable reason is supplied Remember The Earlier The Verses In The Sooner The Votes Have Fun Peace Topic: @Junto @fraze Last edited by Vulgar; 05-23-2015 at 07:53 PM. |
05-24-2015, 12:51 AM | #2 |
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I accept
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06-01-2015, 06:00 AM | #3 |
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I have a verse to post. If he's still posting an EXT is fine with me.
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06-01-2015, 06:01 AM | #4 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Louisville, KY
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I have a verse to post. If he's still posting an EXT is fine with me.
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06-01-2015, 09:29 PM | #6 |
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in life’s race even if you hasten the paste,
fleet footed fate follows, there no place to escape, not even danger is safe from fortunes final embrace, in a stoned faced death mask encircled with snakes, sensing slaughter the olympic vultures circle en wait, of this daughter of forgotten gods poseidon had raped, ...but what he trident involve oceans or lakes, just silent streams from cold pools of poisonous hate, deep enough that no man could look in her face, without her wish granite… and his life abandoned… from the temple of Athena where the crime had took place, a champion came claiming he’d avenge the disgrace, with eyes on mirrored shield gifted him by gods, fly in hermes kicks with the wings on the sides, invisible with helm Hades won while at war, swinging diamond edged sword Hephaestus had forged, won female head estate, no hillary, ya feeling me? he claimed crown, qing... dynasty of flying guillotine… raising high severed head while from gorgon was born, a winged horse which flew from her neck fully formed fleeing scene on his steed, rain a red color fell droplets trace cross the Red Sea a blood coral trail, and in earth, burrowed deep in dirt as those seeds, grew to form evils roots as they fed from man’s greed |
06-03-2015, 02:16 AM | #7 |
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I enjoyed the lore rout, especially liked the use of metaphor i.e trident/granite. I didn't like the finale though, you just tossed in the bit about man's greed like it was an after thought. It was just out of place and not connected, it was missing some sort of explanation. The flow was good, didn't really stutter much but some lines came off as too easy, but I can't fault you for that because I too do this. In any case, good solid verse. I have read almost every one now and this was one of my favorite in the 5-6 range.
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06-03-2015, 03:03 PM | #8 |
White Earl
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thought the approach and the GODs theme was cool. shame frank didnt show.. sorry to say -i believe he would have taken this easily. but since he didnt -congrats on making it to rnd two
had some dope vocab and good mechanics. looking forward to seeing more from you
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
06-03-2015, 04:17 PM | #9 | ||
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
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Accomplishments - OM HOF
Champed - Fight Night LIV
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Rep Power: 49604317 |
Quote:
This was written in a dense, grouped together fashion, with a karate chop sort of flow, where you gave some cool concepts on the picture room to display themselves. It took a leaf out of mythological folklore and a used a "life wisdom" narrative tone. Quote:
Overall, it was a decent one. Thanks for showing! |
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