I don't see a way out...

[Finnydot]

I know it's cliche... Looking for help online. Most of you have been pretty rough to me over the years. But i just don't see a way out of this. I've tried medication again recently. But with me borrowing thousands of dollars from family to get into this apartment. Now I've lost it within 3 months. I know i did it to myself.

But i miss my son every day. I still have dreams where his mother and i are still together. Then i wake up and its just a system shock every day. I told myself that if i relaxed a couple weeks after getting fired in November that i could find work and still make rent. Then December goes by and i went through the holidays telling family i was still working and not to worry. Then i got served in January to evict and borrowed money from the Mormon church to make it till the end of the month. I only needed 500 before yesterday. I could have done that 2 months ago easy.

Then at the last minute yesterday i just let it happen.

I was living with my brother before this place. He's an asshole. I swear I'd rather die than be homeless or go back there.

But to talk to my other brothers about coming to stay with them after borrowing all this money to get in, that's almost as bad as living with an abusive drunk.

I'd just as soon rather not wake up. I probably have till Monday. I'm going to church tomorrow to let it all go. I'm going to finally tell the truth after months of hiding.

I know what you're all going to say. It's the easy way out. I'd be a terrible person to do that to my family and especially my son. It's some bitch shit. I know.

But I'm telling you man... Most of us kind of grew up together. You probably know a lot more about me than you should.

I can't continue like this. I've tried to "man up". I've tried to grab myself by my bootstraps and pull myself out of this 100 times. Every... Fucking... Time.... I fall on my face. And there's no one else to blame.

Medication couldn't fix me. Hospitalization couldn't fix me. Counselling couldn't fix me. Hell... Having a kid couldn't fix me. I couldn't fix myself. Falling in love couldn't fix me. I tried church again too. I've prayed. I've cried. I've smashed shit. I've written about it. Its always the same.

I always end up here.

I'm done.

[dull boy]

I don’t really see the predicament.

Are you in pain? What kind, and what’s causing it?

If you just want to vent then feel free. I’ll ask questions until you’re blue in the face.

[Saint]

Sounds like you need a genuine support system.

[Destroyer]

your life is yours to take
But what a huge waste of existence, which is truly all we have to hold on to. No matter who you are.
And love. You could have all of your money problems gone and still be miserable and alone
But love keeps those bones warm, even when you’re old
You love your son
To me, that’s enough.

[Amen]

We tried telling you working a dead end job that a high school kid work wasn’t going to be enough. Like I can’t accept the fact people live like this. You control your life and destiny, make the change needed to better your life and future.

Try and surround yourself in a more positive environment rather then always being so fucking negative, dude.

Your bullshit is just a revolving cycle because YOU are the problem here, no one else, YOU! And if you don’t look in the mirror and accept that you’ll never move forward with life. You’ll just keep holding on to being a loser idiot which will eat away at you till you drop dead.

[Finnydot]

Originally Posted by Amen

We tried telling you working a dead end job that a high school kid work wasn’t going to be enough. Like I can’t accept the fact people live like this. You control your life and destiny, make the change needed to better your life and future.

Try and surround yourself in a more positive environment rather then always being so fucking negative, dude.

Your bullshit is just a revolving cycle because YOU are the problem here, no one else, YOU! And if you don’t look in the mirror and accept that you’ll never move forward with life. You’ll just keep holding on to being a loser idiot which will eat away at you till you drop dead.

Bro... Did you read my post? I know it's me. Lol

That's the problem.

[dull boy]

Originally Posted by dull boy

I don’t really see the predicament.

So you’re homeless. That don’t impress me much.

So you lost your kid, but have you got enough?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s relatively shite,

but that won’t keep you cold in the middle of the night.



Srsly tho. You’re alive. Are you allowed to see your child? Take solace in being able to be there for him/her. If that’s all you can cling to in your shitty life then it’s enough. Someday it will matter, probably. Find some pride in yourself in the simplest of ways and let that build.

[uh-oh]

you still smoking weed?

i mean i've already told you my way out. or how i got out of my dark hole. i think part of your problem is you have a support system in the family and the church. my family are broke piles of shit like me, only now my sister has made something of herself though but you get what im saying. all my friends were pieces of shit. there was no couches to crash on. it was either eat a bullet or embrace my misery which i did. got a job i hated making shit money. embraced how shitty it was because i knew 40 hours in hell made going back to an empty apartment in the hood seem like paradise. but embracing that job and learning that trade led me to be able to dig myself out.

it took years. years of unbearable misery. you gotta embrace that.

my main source of depression now is just a lack of purpose. you have a purpose.

but honestly when you do this time and time again and i post the same shit time and time again i'm not sure what you actually want from it. i can only tell you what worked for me.

so if you're still unwilling to do that, im being dead serious when i say clean yourself up, get as fly as possible, and find the ugliest fattest bitch you can on tinder or okcupid or whatever dating app or site you can, and treat her like a fucking goddess. let her build you up.

the same way there are incel lonely dudes who cant get women to touch them, there are women out there like that too who will support you.

but no matter what you choose to do, there is no relaxing anymore. you can't chill out.
oh its saturday? you don't have a job. go fucking rob somebody. beat a homeless man with a pipe and steal his change. do something. the more you dwell on doing nothing, the more nothing you will do.

[dull boy]

This thread is so lime.

[Finnydot]

Nah... I haven't smoked in months.

[Amen]

Change your environment. Only advice I can give you. You need change. Be that change and eliminate what’s holding you back.

[John Dillinger]

You thought having a kid would help things?

[~RustyGunZ~]

Are you even trying to get a job? Confused on the details here.

[Ghost1]

Legit checked the post date twice to make sure immo hadn't bumped another thread from 2013 lol

Get fucked finny lol

[Witty]

I don't want to seem like an asshole but you need to talk to people in real life, there isn't much any of us can do for you. I hope you find some happiness.

[Ouch]

Finny don't do that my nigga.. my brother committed sucide in 08 and I stil have dreams aabout him every day

don't do it, I had dream that I thought I was so witty and good and make money off my music and then I grew up...


its not that bad and I bed you're in a better place than I am... i'll post my number and talk to you don't do any dumb shit

[Ouch]

989-506-5139


thats my real phone number and talk to me if you want to

[Ouch]

no ones called me yet.. nigga its no problem... will you be the next dope rapper that makes money.... just realize you'll be like me.. sell dope and work a regularl job.. its not that bad

[Ouch]

nobody called me and I put my number out.... everyone love you finny

[~RustyGunZ~]

He’s already dead Ouch. It’s too late.